[Mello]

Hi there,

I've been with my partner for over a yr, and in that time he has only cum twice. Once was during sex and the other situation was when I asked him to masturbate in front of me so I could see if he could actually do it.

He's only 20, and he doesn't have diabetes or high blood pressure. He isn't on any medication. However he does have frequent visits to his doc cause he has high stress/anxiety levels and his doctor likes to check up on him.

I've done some reading on the net, and some suggestions have been that he might just be getting used to having sex, as I'm the first girl he's ever been with. I guess the upside is he can literally go for hours and stay hard.

Has anyone else had someone like this, what did you do for him? We have talked about it, but every time he reassures me sex feels great for him. But I want to do more about it, because for me having the guy cum is how he enjoys the sex.

Any comments appreciated :-)

[amaranthine]

Stress and anxiety can definitely have a major effect on a man's ability to enjoy sex. It can even prevent them from having erections. In his case, it seems to be preventing him from having an orgasm.

[MrPleazr]

Have you tried different positions? In some positions, I can go forever, in others I'm a one minute man. You both sound young, experiment, it's FUN!!!

Stress can be a major factor, get him relaxed first, that may help....

Also, because you said he can cum when masturbating, he may be suffering from DGS, Death Grip Syndrome. Some young men get into the habit of gripping their penis really tight when masturbating which can make it near impossible to cum during normal vaginal sex. It might be hard to talk to him about it, but if you get the chance to watch him again, make note of how tightly he grips himself. It's something he can get over, he just has to realize it's a problem first. Frankly, a lot of men, and their women, wouldn't mind having that problem, LOL....

[x.st.angel.x]

i agree with the above posters...different positions can definately help give it a go. Also stress and anxiety can also be the reason as to why he cant cum...maybe try methods of relaxation...a massage or something like that. You said he's cum before so therefore he can do it so try find what will work (definately try the massage though :P im sure that before sex might just do the trick :P)

Saint

[Mello]

You're right we are young, but we do experiment. In the bedroom in many different ways and around the house on many different furniture items etc, LOL.

I will try and get him relaxed more, see what it does.

And yeah, I was aware when writing the post that some couples wouldn't mind this problem.

Does anyone else have something more to add?

[Guest]

Just curious...so what ends the sexual encounter then if he's not having an orgasm?

Traditionally, its when the male ejaculates.

I think you might want to talk to him about masturbation...my guess would be he's doing it too much.

How about you...are you getting sexually satisfied?

[Mello]

Of course its satisfying for me, we go for ages and then just...stop. Nothing specific really ends the encounter.

I want him to be able to cum, because for me its kinda the way I know I've done my job right. Hard to explain but I really want him to...

I know he has a wank at least once a day, he said sometimes maybe more than once. Also, when he does it by himself it still takes him at least say, 20mins.

[Guest]

Tell him to lay off the wanking a bit.

A little masturbation is okay, but a lot will ruin your sex lives....as it seems to be doing now.

Try this....have him masturbate, or you manually stimulate him and let him get close to orgasm before you start intercourse. Additionally, and in successive sexual encounters, start reducing the time he is masturbating and increase the time of intercourse.

Little by little, he will become accustomed to the feeling of intercourse.

Trust me, if he lays off the masturbating, this shouldn't be too much of a problem.

[Agnostos]

Have him look up retarded/delayed ejacuation, its something he can work through.
I wish i could direct you to the stories of some people who overcame it, but it seems its forbidden to provide links to antagonistic sites. i hope Wikipedia is safe to mention, there's an ok article and some referances for this condition there.

[Hopeless Dork]

Yeah, he really should not be masturbating once a day or more than once a day on somedays while he is unable to orgasm during sex. Some guys, young or old.... really don't have the ability to come multiple times a day. Some do, sure... but many don't. So if he is coming through masturbation, by the time you are having sex with him - you really have your work cut out for you to help him cum.

See if he can go 2 days without doing it... then spend a whole day teasing him without penetration and without letting him orgasm, oral - manual then stopping etc.. randomly getting him turned THEN... go in for the intercourse and see if that doesn't help him to pull the trigger a little easier