[Guest]

Mrs. Doodles - I would love to try anal with my husband but have not had any luck talking him into it. Does it do anything for you tho? I just think that making my man happy in bed is my job and I am willing to do anything with him and to him.

Knowing it does lots for my husband is a real turn on for me it doesnt give me an orgasm doing anal but then i do anal to give him one not me, he does other things to give me orgasms.

[Hopeless Dork]

To the OP:

I feel exactly the same way about oral! My boyfriend and I have been together just over 14 months now, and the past few months he has been begging more and more to do oral on him. He's done it on me a couple times, which I don't really care for. Meh. But I wanna do my part for him and make him feel good also. We are not having actual intercourse until marriage (for reasons due to ex's), so I feel like this is the only thing I can do. I too can't stand the thought of having that part of a man near my face, much less my mouth! But I just don't have the heart to tell him that. It smells funny, and it tastes weird. I had a previous ex who literally forced me to go down on him. And in doing so, he would push me down and make me stay there. But he was nice enough to let me come up before he came in my mouth. I've told my boyfriend this is the main reason I do not want to do it, for fear he will treat me the same way. But I don't want to completely erase the thought of doing it, for fear he will give up and move on from me.

I just don't know how to tell him I get a little disgusted each time I think about doing oral on him. I feel terrible, even when he says it's ok, cuz I know it's not. And I told him whenever I do decide to do it, it will be in the shower, so if I need to spit, there's no cleaning up Everytime he asks me if I will do it, I tell him I think about it a lot, and that I think I'm closer to doing it. I don't know though...I just think it's a little selfish of men to be asking their lady to do this type of sexual act when she doesn't think it very flattering...

Ugh!

Re: The smell and taste issue- This is something you can work with him on. I am sure he'd have no problems making the area soapy fresh sparkling clean if it meant you'd give him oral. They also have so many flavored lubes you can use to sweeten the taste if the taste of clean skin botheres you. Or suck on a peppermint candy etc.

You should NOT do anything you don't want to do. But if taste/smell is an issue thats fixable.

Also you can talk to him about wanting to keep full control when you do it, if you decide to. That you don't want him touching your head or holding you there. Even if you just used your hands on him in the BJ position with sucking occasionally it would probably make him happy that you are trying to please him.

[SFDad]

From this married guys point of view: Anal, you tried it. Didn't work. Tell him not to ask you about it for a year. This takes pressure off both of you. Why? He isn't supposed to ask you, and yet there is a date in the future he can raise it again. Why should he be able to raise it again? Because both of you are in the relationship- you can say no in a year also.

Oral. Just to be clear- I would never have married a woman who didn't really enjoy oral. That is how important it is in my mind. My suggestion is to take control and go easy. If you can- tie your husbands hands down(no threat he will try to push you to hard) and it will probably be a turn on to him too.

Have a glass of wine or whatever relaxes you slightly(this can be done while your husband waits tied up). And then take some time getting to know your husbands package. Lay your head on his stomach and watch what happens when you gently stroke his stuff. You can't deal with semen? Try licking his testicles, or ever so gently putting them in your mouth(one at a time).

All of this time your husband should be in second heaven. Then if you are feeling adventurous try a little mouth penis contact. Then climb on board and ride him to orgasm.

If you are trying to figure out active ways to pleasure him, I think he will be thrilled. Part of the enjoyment of getting a BJ is being able to lie back and enjoy someone wanting me to have all the pleasure. Are you willing to put in the effort to please your man?

Personally, I think you should give the receiving oral thing more of a chance also. My wife would divorce me if I didn't do that.

[jr]

A man's perspective...

If anal hurts with your husband then:
a) you're no where near ready and he's pushing too hard, too much, too fast.
b) you may have some mental block that takes you back to your previous experience and causes you mental discomfort as well.
c) you need A LOT MORE lube then you are using and LOTS MORE foreplay/stimulation/massage to help you relax.

Anal for me was a 'challenging' hurdle to get over too, as I was the one that was asked to perform it...I didn't ask my partner. She had a couple of glasses of wine to help her relax and we spent an extra long time with foreplay and stroking each others bodies, etc. in order to get to the point where we could approach it.

I too was a bit 'grossed out' when I first thought about it, butt we took our time, went real s-l-o-w, used LOTS of lube and it has become an amazing and special (not every time) part of our lovemaking.

As far as oral goes....I would only do to him what he is willing to do to you. I must say, that I do find it interesting how many women are less than pleased with the idea of ejaculate in their mouth, yet seldom if ever do you hear bout men complaining about all of the bodily fluids we consume when we give oral to our women.

I don't know about your husband, but my face, fingers, tongue and what ever else are a fluid covered mess by the time I'm through giving my gal oral (it usually involves several orgasms for her too).

Seems to me that you need to meet each other in the middle. Do one or the other and work on getting comfortable with that first. Then move on to the other.

Most men are selfish to a point, myself included, and we need the dots put very close together in order to see the line....

Next time you're naked with your husband, have a heart to heart with him about your concerns, take it s-l-o-w and see how things go.

Oral sex (on both partners) is amazing and so is anal if it's done correctly (from my perspective).

Good luck!

[needanswer99]

hi chibby chibby and kimmyC

hi chibby and kimmyC!!!!!

I heard your stories. but u people are not new..........

i had same problem also initially with my marriage. but soon we stopped trying anal and oral.

according to my husband :: "it is 100% male selfishness. no doubt it is mostly male pleasure. " my husband is not religious rather he is atheist. but he thought he is becoming selfish to push me for that. (good for me).

as i always felt bad (pain with anal and smell & jaw pain with oral), he decided not to ask me further.
I heard that some women enjoy by giving blow job or anal sex but my personal experience is opposite.

secondly! "sex toys, creams or lubes..".who has so much time for so calculated sex..especially with job and children.

anyway those who have such time and those women who enjoy are lucky.

in one edition of chatelene canada magazine written that
in one survey, 42% women dislike to give oral sex and others said ok if boy friend is happy or did not comment. nobody say that they enjoy giving oral sex.
infection and jaw pain are other complications.

anyway who enjoy it ...should go for it....

but for you people my advice:::just explain your true feelings to your husbands. Usually if they love you !!! believe me they hate to become selfish.

lastly try to give them sex as much and in as different positions as possible.

believe me after we stopped oral/anal sex ..we discovered many many different ways to enjoy vaginal intercourse and foreplay. I try never to refuse him sex anytime ,,,,as he did care for my feeling regarding oral/anal sex......

good luck