[Frustr8ed]

That's exactly the mindset that I had. Just because I'm the one bringing home the paycheck doesn't make my job any more exhausting than hers. I have a high demand / high stress job and I want to relax when I get home from work. She only wishes she could clock out at 5pm. If we've both been working hard all day and then I come home and veg in front of the TV, what's that saying about her job as a mother and housewife? Does she get holidays off? Weekends? Overtime?

Turn the question around. What does she get for taking care of the kids and house all day? Granted, there are some women who don't lift a finger all day and send the kids off to school or daycare and have housekeepers so i'm sure there's arguments to be made on both sides.

[snapshot]

thanks for the advice everyone, I have made a concious effort to try and be more helpfull around the house (without her first asking) and have tried talking to her about my feelings. It worked for a night anyways, (possibly out of guilt). I think one of the important things to understand is that we all show and give love in different ways, I remember reading a book about the five love languages. I don't remember the specifics, but for some people we show love in physical ways (sex, cuddling etc.), some show love through there work (providing financially, or keeping the house and family in order). For me I like the physical, for my wife she shows love through the work that she does around the house and taking care of the kids. I am going to try (more that I allready do) show love through the work I do around the house and with the kids, and hope that she will return my love in a more physical manner.

[Sandra_does]

Hi Snapshot...great nick...but don't you dare take any pictures in the bedroom until you know she is cured...!!!

You do have some great ideas posted...I like Chandler's best because it is very basic and straight to the point. If that doesn't work than you best have a Plan B...!

What is Plan B...?

Well, do you remember when you took away her virginity...? If you don't then "you" are the problem, not her...! I will assume you remember, OK...?

What was she like then, Snapshot...was she in awe, riding on a magic carpet heading for cloud 9...? Think back to that time, Snapshot. and let your mind recapture the six years of events (sexually) before you had your first child... Perhaps the change occurred soon after the children were born...? She is a home mom...you have no idea of the drudgery a stay-at-home-mom goes thru, especially with little children...! Think back, Snapshot, far back, and find the time things began to change...

Was she a hot sexual partner then that slowly became, warm, luke warn, cold until now...FRIDGID...???

You have to find the period of change, Snapshot, and no one here can do that. It's even possible you have driven her to this dis-approval because your expectations of her far outscale what she was expecting within a marrriage...

If you can...really can...find the period of noticeable change then discuss this with her in a serious and undemanding manner so that you both have a full understanding of the seriousness of the situation and the potential of a failing marriage...

If you can succeed with this, then go back to the basics as Chandler mentions, and renew your earlier promises with a new start...one that is more compatible to each others needs...

If you find no success at all, then definitely seek professional help which you BOTH will need. Her situation could be an emotional block or could even be a physical / medical condition...

Please don't tell her she has an attitude, Snapshot, as that is a nail in her coffin and yours... I know it's hard (no pun intended) on you but it's also hard on her, Snapshot, and sooner or later it will also affect the children... Be patient, caring and understanding with her...but never forceful...

I wish you quick success, Snapshot, and that soon this will be only memory...

Sandra_does...