[Haven]

Rather rude to assume my b/f (or any man) has and uses porn. Saying that in person in a group would only get you punched in the mouth in this area. Consider that when your collectively assume and feel the need to express degrading assumptions about others.

You say it's rude to assume a man looks at porn, but statistically speaking, it's naive to assume he doesn't. Do a quick google search for "watch porn" "poll" and you'll see dozens of polls in which the YEAs outweigh the NAYs by a substantial margin. Most of these polls don't filter out votes from female respondents, who are less likely to look at (or admit to looking at) porn, so the numbers for men would be even higher. Granted, the data suffers from a heavy self-selection bias, but it jives with my experiences as a man to the point where I'd gladly bet "he does" against "he doesn't" until we ran out of men or you ran out of money.

Don't assume everyone has your mindset or does as you do, or even thinks as you do. You're not that creative or special, nor in charge of how anyone else acts or what they do.

What you think is normal is only for you.

This will be a big shock, but you don't know all about everything to do with relationships, especially the relationships of others.

The opinions we give are generalizations. Unless we were every guy on the face of the planet, they couldn't be otherwise. Those generalizations, however, are drawn from a lifetime of experience being guys and being around guys. They have value, especially in aggregate. You do yourself a disservice by dismissing them so quickly, and you do us a disservice by dismissing them so venomously. I saw this thread before it got edited: those barbs were a poor reward for the time we spent trying to help.

[Haven]

..the magazine states that if he really cared about me he would be thinking about me to at least call me once through the day...maybe i'm just in confused mode today but is that true?

Those mags have some weird stuff in them. I once saw an article about how to tell what kind of a lover a man is by what kind of dog he owns

To answer your question, no, that's not true. You should know whether or not he cares about you. Your expectations of the ways in which his affection ought to manifest should come from your knowledge of who he is, not from some "expert advice" you found in a magazine.

[Guest]

What is the term for an arrogant who assumes he knows all about everyone.

The enormously satisfying thing about being found arrogant is that though women as yourself will brand us with this designation, they will also, for some reason, find us extremely attractive.

Mine doesn't do porn, strip clubs, etc. He's got what he wants and as much as he wants with me.

I masturbate for him, or he does me.

That is good news to hear.

What you think is normal is only for you.

Meh - I've seen a lot. A lot. Normal, abnormal, whatever. When it comes to sex, everything is pretty much normal. People aren't that hard to figure out.

Rather rude to assume my b/f (or any man) has and uses porn. Saying that in person in a group would only get you punched in the mouth in this area. Consider that when your collectively assume and feel the need to express degrading assumptions about others.

The fact of the matter is, you fall all over yourself in sarcasm and hypocrisy when porn is brought up. It's only logical that since it strikes such a chord with you, that you have had personal experience(s) with it. They way you reacted to my post only cements the fact that you've got some skeletons in your closet about it.

However - I see your point. I probably shouldn't have said that. Apologies.

FWIW - If you're read some of my other posts, I am not a proponent of porn either.

This will be a big shock, but you don't know all about everything to do with relationships, especially the relationships of others.

I agree 100%. That is why we are all here. To learn. I offer my advice, nothing more. If women would rather not have a logical, experienced and agreeable man offer their point of view, I will gladly leave.

[Chantalemma]

I agree 100%. That is why we are all here. To learn. I offer my advice, nothing more. If women would rather not have a logical, experienced and agreeable man offer their point of view, I will gladly leave.

Exactly why should you ahve to leave us. We enjoy your .02 and if not well you don't have to read it do you. We are all here to help others and to give our experiences and opinions to help others. If someone gets offended in the meanwhile so be it. There isin't much we can do about it is there?

[krisi1021]

And no opinion on my situation? Hmmmm ... it's that bad huh? Lol

[Guest]

And no opinion on my situation? Hmmmm ... it's that bad huh? Lol

Okay, first things first.

You have to question this guys judgement - first, for marrying a woman like he did, and then having a child with her. He must have known her behavorial tendencies before he got married.

Secondly, you also have to ask yourself...why is he talking about his ex so much? That should be a taboo subject and he should keep that drama to himself.

How does he talk about her? In a mean/vindictive, passionate way, or does he seem worn down and exhausted? How often does he talk about her? Is he still seeing her sometimes? Not saying he does, just something that has to be explored.

I think he is setting you up for disappointment. He's making his intentions clear. Him saying he doesn't fall in love, and him saying that he doesnt' want to get married again should be red flags to you if you are looking forward to settling down with him.

I would move on. The man has too much drama attached to him with his ex wife and his child that you two will never enjoy a care free relationship. Add to that the fact that he is dropping subtle hints here and there...and the fact that he was able to split with you so easily....yea...best thing would be to move on. I'm sorry to say.

If you really feel the relationship is worth it, you could tell him how you feel. Do it in a time when you are both in a good mood, and when you are having a good time. Ask him casually where he sees the relationship going...then SHUT UP...and listen.

Listen to what he says...determine whether he's sincere. Do what your head says, not what your hearts says. You will have your answer.

[WildChild]

Not to pull off the thread, which is men's viewpoints, but the older you get, the more life experience, the more baggage people have. Issues with ex's and children are and will be present. Hearing too much of it, too early on, may seem like a problem. The real question is how they deal with it. If someone has big stuff going on, like an alcoholic ex who got custody, a kid who's in jail, you are likely to hear about it. This is a huge thing in this person's life. The real telling points will be how they handle it, do they share what it is they are dealing with or dump it? Do they let you know some history by way of sharing or are they letting you know that they have these negative expectations of women and are projecting them on you?

[anonymous]

Addicted to Lover

So, I've been dating a married man (on and off) for 11 years (he's been married for 12). He says he is in love with me and simply doesn't want to leave his wife due to what can possibly happen if he does (nasty divorce, her getting half and losing his "kingdom"). I have left him several times since, let's face it, the situation is WRONG (and was heartbroken each time)! I have beat myself up several times about the situation and find I cannot say no when several months (and even years) have gone by and I still had not started dating anyone else...there simply doesn't seem to be anyone out there to my standards. He and I work in the same field and we have many things in common. He and his wife were apparently in love but never had a marriage without him cheating. He even once cheated on both of us and I left him alone after finding out. I believe she knows about me and simply has fallen out of love with him. He has explained they now live in separate parts of their home and don't sleep with each other. Keep in mind, he initially held to the fact that he was not leaving his wife and was still in love with her. As of late, his tune has changed, but I'm sick of the situation and really am looking for him to break it off rather than rely on my own willpower. I even wrote a book about our dealings during one of our hiatuses. I had fallen deeply in love with him but I believe the depth of my love wasn't matched but now he is more in love with me than I am with him. I have no trust in him simply due to our 11 year relationship and don't think this is going to go anywhere...how do I get out without being heartbroken AGAIN...

[krisi1021]

OTYA I told you I don't go for divorced/married men silly! Oh wait, that was in the post that got erased I think. He has NEVER been married. She got pregnant when they were young, and they decided to keep the baby. They tried to make it work, and it didn't, so they have been split every since.

He doesn't dump his problems on me. In fact he hardly talks about any of his issues concerning her with me. He says he just doesn't want to bother me with all the drama. Coincidentally though, last night he really opened up to me. We had a great conversation, and it was initiated by him. He apologized to me, saying he knew it must be tiring for me to deal with his "situation". He said that it's stupid that he can't tell her about me all b/c of how she'll react. We even talked futures and how he knows it will have to change b/c he wants me to feel like I can be with him while he has his child.

When he talks about her --- hmmm, I wouldn't say he's angry or passionate. He seems more exhausted and reserved about the topic. In fact he usually doesn't want to talk about her, unless he's telling me something about his child and something she did or said pertained to the topic. He has admitted to him loving her, solely b/c she is the mother of his child and nothing more. He goes above and beyond as a father, and I admire that about him most.

The only time he sees her is when he's picking up or dropping off their kid. That's it.

[Guest]

OTYA I told you I don't go for divorced/married men silly! Oh wait, that was in the post that got erased I think. He has NEVER been married. She got pregnant when they were young, and they decided to keep the baby. They tried to make it work, and it didn't, so they have been split every since.

He doesn't dump his problems on me. In fact he hardly talks about any of his issues concerning her with me. He says he just doesn't want to bother me with all the drama. Coincidentally though, last night he really opened up to me. We had a great conversation, and it was initiated by him. He apologized to me, saying he knew it must be tiring for me to deal with his "situation". He said that it's stupid that he can't tell her about me all b/c of how she'll react. We even talked futures and how he knows it will have to change b/c he wants me to feel like I can be with him while he has his child.

When he talks about her --- hmmm, I wouldn't say he's angry or passionate. He seems more exhausted and reserved about the topic. In fact he usually doesn't want to talk about her, unless he's telling me something about his child and something she did or said pertained to the topic. He has admitted to him loving her, solely b/c she is the mother of his child and nothing more. He goes above and beyond as a father, and I admire that about him most.

The only time he sees her is when he's picking up or dropping off their kid. That's it.

Ok. Now that sounds better.

He didn't marry her...he did the honorable thing keeping the child. He doesn't talk about the ex except when he has to. He only sees her when its necessary. I don't like the part about him saying he loves her as the mother of his child. All that is needed there is mutual respect, not neccesarily love.

How terrible my answers are without the proper info.

Sounds a lot better. However, what does he say about his comments about falling in love and not getting married?