[needanswer99]

good luck

I think what any parents can do in this situation....u people are doing.......
hope for the best....good luck

[barbiedoll]

My daughter called yesterday afternoon and ask to come over to talk to me and my husband. She came over and inbetween commercials on tv, she ask if it hurts to have sex when the guy is much larger than average. I ask if that is the reason she watched her stepdad toweling off, she danced all around the answer but we came to that conclusion. She told us that she had been asked out by a guy that other girls had been ask out by and when sex came up and they saw his size, they declined. She told him that she would go out with him but sex wasn't going to be on the agenda. We told her that agenda needed to be marriage and it should be a while off because of that.

Because my husband waited for me to take the lead in this conversation, I talked to her about preparations for sex and what it's like to take someone that is larger than average. My husband finally ask her, how large does she think he is? She said one of her girlfriends said he's at least eight or nine inches. I told her then everything we talked about preparing will work because that is my husband's size. I also told her that there are other things that can be done but she is a long way from those steps. I am just amazed at the willingness to talk about this stuff from my daughter since she moved out. Close to a year ago, mum would have been the word and she wouldn't have never said or done anything out of the ordinary. My husband said since she moved out she has lost some inhibitions about sex which could be both good and bad. My husband told me, after she left, that she must have seen more here at home than we originally thought for her to plan to watch me towel off. He said it would be as if she knew what she was going to be looking at for comparison purposes.

Hopefully, some of her family values will linger in her mind. Any one ever experienced or heard of something like this happening. It's like a complete reversal of character for her over the past couple or three months.

[Kallygirlie]

I just turned 26 this month and although girls to talk about this stuff all the time, I've never and would never make comments like that to my Moms man. My parents where married for 32 yrs. they were still legally married when she Passed away last yr but there marrage had been on the rocks and my mom was talking to another man. When my parents seperated the August before she passed away, she was planning a life with this other guy. Yes I made a comment here and there in passing to my Mom that he was very cute and sweet and blah blah. stuff like that but it was only to my mom and it was only to let her know that I supported her. It was never a "hey I'd do him too". thats just wierd. I can say now that I lost my mom, I do have alot of issues with my dad dating other women. he's gone on several dates and I told him he better not take them back to my Mom House cause its disrespectful for him to do that considering the way he acted the yr before she passed. Granted this is a yr after her passing, not rounding 8 yrs like your daughter. I was also 24 when she passed and not 13. My mom was my best friend so naturally I dont want anyone to disrespect her. Honestly If I were you i would sit down with her and talke to her. ask her why she's saying things like this. If she means them then she needs to stop or you'll be forced to protect your marrage by taking her key. I wouldnt just take the key. it will upset her and then your faced with your daugher getting really upset with you and she'd most likely feel like you are picking your husband over her. Just talk to her seriously. Sit down just the 2 of you kind of talk. Then if you need to, bring in your husband and have him explain to her how it makes him feel when she says this stuff

[barbiedoll]

Kally....we did already take the key and yes it upset her, almost like her world was turning upside down. She moved out 10 or 11 months ago and still had a key which we let her have to check on the house if we went out of town. We took the key back and she felt like she had a right to the key. She actually pitch a fit and rebelled about giving the key back. It was about an hours worth of talking to get her to give the key back. My husband told her that we would change the locks out if she didn't and then if we were forced to do that, it would forever alter her relationship with us because of our distrust for her, that acted like a swift kick in the butt and she quickly changed her mind and handed over the key. When she calls to ask to come over, she is asking thinking that there isn't any other thing going on that might make us tell her no, now is not a good time. That's already happened once and she really got uptight because she thought we were just putting her off when we really had made other plans. My husband said 'well she just thought whatever she said, we'd change to go along with her whims'........NOT!!!! She crossed that line when she looked at and then said what she said. I love my man, will honor and defend my man, and don't want to share that part of my man with anyone, not even to look at, even if it's my own daughter. She shouldn't have been looking at that part of my man anyway, nevermind that he's her stepdad and in her own words, has been a really great dad, yep, she has called him dad a few times as well as mostly calling him poppy.

[barbiedoll]

Got even more proof of my daughter running her mouth yesterday at a glassware showing at the home of one of her friends. There were about 20 women there ranging from 20 to 46 or close to that age. One of my daughter's friends showed up as the party was finishing and told me that I had a really weird daughter because she's changed. I said how so? She told her that in their discussions of dating, she said that she was looking for a 'hunk that was hung'! I was shocked that that 20-ish friend of my daughter was telling me this. She didn't tell me any more details of their talk so I assume that she told of seeing poppy. This was even more proof that they talk about stuff that I wasn't aware of.

I told my husband what was said and he thinks we just need to let it rest, it's already done, nothing will be gained by telling her what her friend said. I think that there are certain things that need to be kept private but it looks like she doesn't OR she did it in retaliation.

[Hopeless Dork]

You have every right to speak to your daughter in any manner you wish, barbie. She is an adult so whatever you think is appropriate is your business.... but if you are still at all worried about your daughters interest in your husband...

Probably not a good idea to encourage sex talks in front of him...
and telling her how many inches he is...might encourage her behavior rather than discourage. I dont know.. to each their own. Its good to have open dialogue with your kids about sex, I suppose. I just don't see how discussing your husbands size and how to accomadate a big size with your daughter right in front of the husband she's hit on in the past is going to help with your situation.

[LanaBear]

I agree with HD.

I think there are certain talks now that need to be between mom and daughter without him. The open dialogue that you have going on in front of her may be more encouraging than not...

Some things need to be kept private i.e. parents sex lives. I think speaking in generalities is fine but I think once you start talking "from experience with your husband" it takes another turn.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I think your daughter had a crush on your husband, her initial approval of him shows that she thought he was hot and that continued.

More than likely she has seen or heard things over the years out of "curiousity" and perhaps her crush.

I think she also may idolize him a tad and is looking for an idential for herself...

If this is so it will blow over eventually when she meets someone she actually likes.

But, I can see her starting the gym and searching for this "ideal man" that she has in her head.. Your husband....

She doesn't live with you now and she's a grown woman 21.

She can't watch, listen or look if your husband ensures the bathroom door is shut unfortuately when showering and after showering....

Oliminate the opportunites but don't take the key away, that will make her more rebelious I think.

You are all living your own lives now. All you can do is keep guiding her as you have and try to turn your relationship from Mother and Daughter, to friendship so that she opens up and keeps communicating with you, instead of feeling like a child and hiding things from you.

CW

[barbiedoll]

There were about 20 women there ranging from 20 to 46 or close to that age. One of my daughter's friends showed up as the party was finishing and told me that I had a really weird daughter because she's changed. I said how so? She told her that in their discussions of dating, she said that she was looking for a 'hunk that was hung'! I was shocked that that 20-ish friend of my daughter was telling me this. She didn't tell me any more details of their talk so I assume that she told of seeing poppy. This was even more proof that they talk about stuff that I wasn't aware of.

This same daughter's friends' mother told me yesterday that her daughter told her my daughter had fantasized about having sex with a married man and didn't specify who. Without revealing my sources, I'm thinking about asking my daughter about this idea of 'sex with a married man'. I'm just trying to figure out how to 'bait' her to tell me. In the past she would tell me anything I wanted to know but I think that's changed as she is keeping secrets now and I'm finding out in a round about way. Any ideas?

[stressed]

In a way, this is a difficult situation but it will most definitely be solved with time. I agree with everything said by most posters, especially CW, HD and Lana.

You mentioned church and how you have both told her not to think about sex before marriage. I am 25 and I can understand your daughter, even if at times she has acted in an extreme manner that I never would. But put yourself in her shoes for a moment: Her mother started dating a very good looking and nice guy just when her puberty started. She was at an age when she started seeing men differently and had thoughts about sex. So there she had an attractive man dating, and eventually marrying, her mother, equally good looking and attractive, yet her mother 'had the right' to have sex with an attractive man but not herself. She started dating guys her age but she got comments from them about her mother being attractive/good looking etc. instead, which hurt her self confidence. She was not allowed, by her mother, to wear attractive clothes = she was not allowed to express her sexuality even though her mother did in front of her.

From a point of view, she may feel like it is unfair for her mother to be with such a good man (which she has idolized over the years) but she has to be restricted when it comes to dating. She is 21 and at this age it is perfectly normal that she thinks and talks about sex, be it with her friends or you. It is also normal that she is curious about men's size, she hasn't had sex before and until she does she will still wonder about it. Mentioning your husband's size or commenting on your sex life is also expected, since she doesn't have a sex life of her own and hasn't been around a naked man other than your husband.

I could be wrong, but from the way you answer I get the feeling that you're not very happy about your daughter having sex on her mind as much as she does. I understand it makes you uncomfortable that it has involved your husband in the past, but the truth is that your husband is just a man in her eyes and not a father. Maybe if she would have met him at a younger age she'd see him more as a father than a man, but 13 is kind of too late for that.

As for what she has fantasized... I don't know, honestly, I think this is her own business. Of course you can sit down and have a discussion with her, but try to listen more than advise, it could be what she needs; just to talk about sex and ask questions. She seems to be confused, she is going through a lot at the moment, I don't think she is in love with your husband or wants to have sex with him. Flirting with him was probably an awkward and definitely wrong form of experimenting and expressing her sexuality. I also believe that she feels, or at least used to feel, as if she is competing with you as a woman because you are young and attractive. It is common a common problem with young moms. All I am saying is, try to give her some space when it comes to sex and try to help her more than judge her. She will be grateful for that.