[kaylar]

Reesecup, I don't condemn you. I know if you could be with
someone who could be with you alone, then the 'open marriage'
idea would never come up.

You're in one of those lose/lose situations.

You're not a freak, you're trying to survive in a chaotic
situation, and playing by ear.

Eventually you might decide to leave the situation
entirely. It is untenable.

In almost all of these situations that I have become
aware of;
(in lessening degrees)

1) the wife meets someone she loves more than
the husband, and leaves him

2) the husband decides to move another female
into the matrimonial home

3) One of the parties sinks into a suicidal depression

You're not alone.

[cimmy]

I think if you and your husband love each other and are together as a family thats great I,m like you and like gay porn my husband of 22 years likes to chat on line with gay men as this is what he likes I have learnt to come to terms with this as we love each other very much and do not want to be apart so there are all different types of marriage which can work for some people and not for others. You do what is right for you and don,t worry what other people think. I also cannot discuss this with friends and family as I know they would not understand but we are very happy.

[lauralight]

Shame/insecurities

I hear a lot of insecurities and shame being thrown around. I'd love to see less judgement for other's lifestyle choices. I won't chose open marriage, but I'm not chastizing...we can learn from other's choices of lifestlyes even i f it's just to accept that each human being is choosing their own individual experience and that's ok! because no two HAVE to be alike. If someone is doing something different than I, I believe have no real basis for criticism unless I've chosen that lifestlye and at least rejected it with true experience!

[kit-kat]

Don't stay with your husband just because u have children. I did that for 10 years and kid's are smarter then you think. Your kid's will be hurt like mine were but I wasn't happy or loved my husband anymore I got tired of the pretending everything is alright so i left him with our kid's and got a divorce,and my kid's especially my daughter(daddy's girl) was very upset with me for a longggggg time.And here i go again been with my boyfriend for 11 years he was alway's good for me and my kid's and now i've found somebody else and i love him and don't love my boyfriend anymore haven't for 3 years now and now told my daughter who is now 18 and she is so upset she said how i can do this again to her.My son haven't told him yet. Now i'm hated again and it sucks it's like i don't have any feelings all she worried about is my boyfriend who she loves like her father about his feelings.Maybe i just have a 10-11 yr.itch with men..lol and by the way gay porn between men turn me on too..lol It's hard but do what you feel is right listen to your conscounce i spelled that wron anyway's it's alway's right most of the time.

[reesecup]

Since I have posted my original thread, things have gotten deeper. I find that I am no longer turned on by my husband. I get very wet when turned on, very hot and ready to explode, yet my husband no longer does this to me. I often find myself stopping him when he performs foreplay just so we can start having sex and I don't have to endure anymore. Now, let me back up....when he performs oral sex on me, yes, it does feel good, and I may cum, but I am not turned on. (makes sense?) Our sex is good, moreso, we f**k (which I love) but I am not turned on. Being turned on for me is the anticipation of, all of my senses are heightened, just looking into his eyes, or a simple kiss (which I no longer like the way he kisses)....none of these things happen with him. Now, can I blame the fact that I have experienced pleasure with two other men, since we have been married, yes. Can I blame the fact that I watch pornos and can bring myself to such a climatic arousal, it should be a sin? probably.

I love my husband, and I have expressed my lack of desire with him, and I know it hurts him but I don't know what to do. I have told him that there are more ways to turn someone on, and not just to head straight for my two hot spots (my neck and my clit). How can you bring the fire back into a marriage?