[Guest]

By compromise I mean you agree to a certain number of times a week or month. Maybe even have a designated day.

That just sounds very contrived to me. Knowing that Friday is sex day, or whatever. I mean, what happens if one of the participants doesn't happen to be in the mood on that particular evening "rationed" off for sex?

I think, if anything, a set time/date would put MORE pressure on the situation.

I dunno - previously you stated that sex became a chore to you. I think setting sex quotas would make it appear even more like a chore. "We are scheduled to do it on Mondays/Wednesdays/Fridays.

I wouldn't call that compromise - I'd call that planning/budgeting. Compromise, in my mind, would be if you initiate sex, and he isn't in the mood, he complies or vice versa.

Ours is moving in that direstion and I am enjoying every minute. BUT.... It is still work

I'm glad to hear that. What exactly changed or did you change to turn things around and moving in the right direction?

[WildChild]

Many people plan sex. They have differing job schedules, kids, all sorts of committments vying for their attention and time. By scheduling there is at least a block of time that they have put aside for each other. By no means does this mean there can't or won't be spontanious sex but does mean there will be time for sex at least regularly.

[Guest]

This marriage and kids deal looks less and less attractive every day.

[WildChild]

LOL, it depends on many factors. The kind of work schedules you have, extra activities, access to child care, creativity, motivation. If you are into lights out, only at night, once a week sex, you might hardly notice a difference. If you like to play in different rooms, different times of the day, different positions, you could find yourself dealing with some tough questions like, "what are you guys doing?". It can make things very interesting....
Think of it as adding a new dimension.

[PJhavinfunagain]

Planning time for sex is only a start. It is not a long term solution. If it does not help or makes for more pressure then obviously something else should be tried. More than anything it is an opportunity to openly discuss a couples sex life. If someone is truly sick or not feeling well then there are exceptions. For me I was never in the mood so If I knew ahead of time that "Tonight was sex night" I would maybe try to do some things or schedule my day to make it easier for me to get in the mood. I would plan on take out or have a meal that was super easy to prepare and clean up. It may have helped me to look forward to the anticipation.

AS WC said if you have ever worked opposite schedules or had an odd work schedule sometimes it is needed.

Before mommyhood I would never have expected that I would loose my sex drive. Before kids I wanted it all the time. After kids my focus shifted a bit and sex as well as Dh Unfortunately took a back seat. I actually mourned the loss of my sex drive at times.

Marriage and kids are not bad. I Love my family with all my heart. I would not go back to being single & Childless for anything!!! It's all a learning curve. Also alot of things go on in women's bodies as we age. Yea we all know about menopause but that is only part of it. Hormones, pregnancies and the stresses we put on ourselves take their toll.

I do not know what changed my drive. I literally woke up one Sunday morning 2 months ago and was so unbelievably horny I couldn't stand it. I went nuts all day because DH works weekends. While I have better control now it has not gone away.

To the original Poster... I truly hope you can get past your hurt feelings and get to the root of the issue between you and DW. I know DH and I are working on talking more openly about sex and every aspect of our lives. We have learned things about each other we did not know. We have been married for 9 years. Together for over 10 and been friends for 17 years.

I really feel for couples going thru this. There are some great message boards out there for couples with mismatched libidos. They can be wonderful for support and insight.

[PJhavinfunagain]

Oh and when I said compromise I meant it as maybe in an ideal world 1 person wants sex 5 times a week, the other only once, maybe they compromise and make it a guaranteed 2 times a week. 1 of those nights is scheduled. Again at the root of this is starting conversations...