[Fish]

Hello ladies,
This is my first post on the forums :-)

My boyfriend and I are both 23 years old. We have been dating for 3 years. We are both virgins and initially intended on waiting to have sex until we were married. Our initial reasoning was NOT based on religion or what our parents wanted us to do, like most people I have spoken to. Our thoughts were:
1) neither one of us can support a child so why risk it
2) we both agreed it was a romantic idea
3) we knew we would be apart for some portion of our relationship and we didn't want an extra thing to miss about each other

We decided anything else except intercourse was fair game because it is safer (no risk of pregnancy) so we have been enjoying that for the majority of our relationship. Our reasonings still stand but we both feel like it is time to take the next step. We realize it is going to be at least 4 or 5 more years before we get married because we both want to finish graduate school first (long distance marriage? I don't think so). I am 400 miles away in graduate school, but we see each other every few weeks.

Over the past 6 months or so we have been trying to decide if we should have sex now. I think we both realize that 8 years is a lot longer than we had originally anticipated waiting. I have no concerns about our relationship not working out and I know he is my match and he knows I am his

I just wanted to know if anyone had any advice to share. I know that my virginity can only be given once and I know I am going to give it to him, but the question at this point is when. I think my biggest concern is what, if anything, will change?

Thanks for reading.

[TWills32]

If you waited that long to do it, you might as well make sure you make it romantic Make it a special night. You don't necessarily have to wait until you're married, just pick a day that's meaningful to you, or just a day for you two to go out on a date, then set the mood. That's what I would do if I could do it over. Make it a wonderful and memorable experience.

[Texasred]

Yours is a very interesting question. All your reasons for not having sex sound like fine ones, so what's changed?
Have you decided, for example, that now would be a fine time to have a child?
Read the disclaimers that accompany the birth control of your choice: note especially the odds of pregnancy even when that method is used, and that those odds are NOT 0.0. Keep in mind that the odds are cumulative, which is to say that if you have sex 100 times, the odds of pregnancy become fair-sized, and believe me, once you start and learn what you've been missing, episode no. 100 will roll around pretty quickly!

[Fish]

We have talked about birth control and know to use at least two forms. That will significantly lower the chances....right? I'm considering going on the Pill soon and we've talked about condoms and spermicide.

What has changed? Well, I feel at this point we are still waiting because we have already waited so long. We have told our families and (some) friends that we are waiting. I guess we almost feel obligated to wait, which is why it is taking us so long to make the decision. But when it comes down to it, we are both adults.

Also, in 10 years, I think we might look back and wish that we had enjoyed sex sooner when we were younger and without children.

[LanaBear]

I think it is awesome that you have both waited this long. Naturally, in the course of three years, things are going to change. So the reasons that you initially wanted to wait, may still be there, but you two have discovered more about each other and want to enjoy the other on another level.

You are right, you both are adults and obviously pretty responsible. I think being the age you are and already in a relationship for this long, hopefully, little would change.

Use birth control and take your time. Learn how to enjoy each other during the anticipation of getting there. If it doesn't work out the first time you try, don't be disappointed, you'll get there eventually.

[ThexMrs]

Technically, your virginity can be given more than once. They have a surgery now days where they can give you a new hymen... Just saying. I know that the EXPERIENCE can only happen once though and it's very special. I was almost 21 when I lost mine. Unfortunately, I chose the wrong person. Take your time and do what you feel is right. I'm sure it will work out the way you want it to in the end.

[WildChild]

Well I'm not a fan of virginity, can't see that it serves much purpose. But to each their own. You have to do what works for you. What if you wait all those years and then find out you just aren't sexually compatible? If you use it correctly BC does a pretty darned good job. Sometimes you just have to live a little?

[Guest]

Congrats to you both. Although I wouldn't take back my own sexual past, I have great respect for people like you two.

The decision to have sex is yours, and yours alone. Do it when you are ready, and not before.

Armed with some Birth Control, you folks should be fine.

Have fun.

[Fish]

Thank you for all your thoughtful responses!!

We talked about it some more last night and the biggest concern he had was if anything would change between us after having sex, especially being apart for 3 or so weeks at a time, and if that would make us miss each other more. I can't see myself missing him anymore than I already do as things are.

At this point we agree that waiting is not a realistic goal and isn't what we want to do anymore. So in the mean time, I'm going to get on the pill and we'll see what happens! I know he will do everything he can to make it as special as it can be. That's a top priority, especially waiting 2(3) years for it!!

I posted in the BC forum if you guys want to add in on that discussion:

https://www.womens-health.com/boards/birth-control/18993-combo-bc-pill-do-you-take.html

[SinisterUrge]

Maybe you've waited this long because subconsciously you realize that he isn't right for you (Somebody has to post the unpopular opinion or nobody ever learns anything useful).