[Guest]

I have no idea where to start. We were in bed the other night (dirty talking...) I am aware he has fantasies of me with other women or watching me with a man (not my thing,but I can why he would like it...) but last night he said he wanted to have sex with the man. I didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable, but when we were thru I asked him if he would really like and he said- I don't think so- The next morning I still couldn't get t out of my head so I just point blank said, "you know I love you, but there are things I am not willing to work thru to satisfy your desires or fantasies. that can never happen with us. EVER. If that is something you need then we should move on, I'll always love you and support you, but I don;t want that lifestyle. Do you think you may be bi-sexual?" He said " no, I don't think so. Why are you so insecure?"

For the record, I am now insecure about the relationship I have been in for the past 6 years. I, myself am not an insecure person. We are planning on getting married within the next year and I don't want to end up on a relationship with my best friend who has lustful desires I can't fill. (cuz- you know that will rear it's ugly head one day)

We have been together since our early 20s and I also wonder if our relationship has hinder some nescessary sexual experimenatation.

HELP ME.... I don't think I could be anymore blunt, but I fell like he's turning this back to my insecurities.

[CLH]

in agreement

I have to agree with you that he is over looking your feelings. He said what he said for a reason. If you are planning on getting married, i would recommend doing some premarital counseling. If he objects for any reason then maybe you should reconsider your future plans. However, don't over analyze things. Good luck

[kaylar]

strange


Your boyfriend made a very strange remark I never
expected to hear...and I think that's where you are
as well.

It does suggest to me a leaning to bi or as many
people feel, homosexuality, where the other sex
is dealt with because it is 'normal' not out of
real desire.

He may have experimented or be about to experiment
and it's not something you want to be involved in.

I think taking a few steps back right now might be
a good idea.

[Guest]

it's OK to have fantasies

I once believed that, as you fear, a relationship with a man who has fantasies about other men can't work because that's a fantasy that you can't fulfill. I believed that until someone asked me: "what makes you think you could fulfill all of the fantasies of a straight man? Or of any man?"

On the other side, what makes you think that your boyfriend (or any man) can fulfill all of your sexual fantasies?

Further, this is just a fantasy. Lots of people have fantasies that are fun to think about but don't ever need to be acted on. (in fact, I would suggest that most people have this kind of fantasy)

I don't think taking a step back from the relationship is the thing to do right now. Seeing a sex therapist is probably good advice - while he's being unsupportive of your feelings about the fantasy, it may be true that he doesn't feel you're being very supportive of his feelings about it. A good conversation with your boyfriend is probably the best thing for this problem.

[lovelylaura]

I understand your confusion

I understand your concern completely-my boyfriend of 8 years has always had this fantasy about seeing me with another guy---I didn't mind accept that is never seemed he wanted to have sex without this fantasy playing through his mind--I always asked why can't it just be about you and me--I would get upset-and still every time-it was like he couldn't help it...I am beginning to wonder the same as you as he has been increasingly showing bi -type behaviors in the bed room-he told me he would like to give a man oral sex---I don't know if it's only a fantasy or if it is actually something he wants to experiment with-funny we have both been in these long relationships with men since our early twenties and yet still no marriage? We have had ongoing problems in our relationship-I have questioned his ability to love me the way I love him--I wonder about this all the time! However it turns out, I wish the best of luck in finding happiness!

[Hystorm]

I guess you could ask him if he would like to have anal sex with you and see what his response is. Or ask if he would rather have anal with you or a man.
Maybe its just an anal thing if you guys have never tried. If you have, then you very well may have a Bi on your hands.

Good luck.

[jonny]

Wow, what a bump!

A year and 4 months.

I wonder if this person even reads this thread?

O, and I think you boyfriend likes penis. And may have dabbled in penis at one time or another.

[SorridLives]

I have no idea where to start. We were in bed the other night (dirty talking...) I am aware he has fantasies of me with other women or watching me with a man (not my thing,but I can why he would like it...) but last night he said he wanted to have sex with the man. I didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable, but when we were thru I asked him if he would really like and he said- I don't think so- The next morning I still couldn't get t out of my head so I just point blank said, "you know I love you, but there are things I am not willing to work thru to satisfy your desires or fantasies. that can never happen with us. EVER. If that is something you need then we should move on, I'll always love you and support you, but I don;t want that lifestyle. Do you think you may be bi-sexual?" He said " no, I don't think so. Why are you so insecure?"

For the record, I am now insecure about the relationship I have been in for the past 6 years. I, myself am not an insecure person. We are planning on getting married within the next year and I don't want to end up on a relationship with my best friend who has lustful desires I can't fill. (cuz- you know that will rear it's ugly head one day)

We have been together since our early 20s and I also wonder if our relationship has hinder some nescessary sexual experimenatation.

HELP ME.... I don't think I could be anymore blunt, but I fell like he's turning this back to my insecurities.

If he said he wanted to be with a man in a fantasy or in passing seeing some guy on the street, I would have to think the same thing. Seems he may be bisexual, IMO. He probably wouldn't admit it, if he sensed you were not going to like it or would end the relationship. You are right,....you have to make a decision about the relationship and if you could handle bisexuality in your relationship. It seems you can't.

[Dollface2008]

If I were you I would do some investigating on the situation. I would rent movies where there was male nudity in it and see what his reaction may be. If you have any gay friends at all I would invite them over when he is home and get there executive opinion. Nothing beats the opinion of the gay bestfriend they can detect all. haha I personally have had a few friends that I thought were and was always told by another gay man that they thought so. So if I were you Id try some things, and if your suspicions follow your results then you have your answer. Good luck to you my friend. But make sure if he happens to be that you welcome him with open arms as the person he is. For one can not change who they lust for.

[anonymouswhitefemale]

Ne ne ne necro necro....

Come on, just make a new post, don't dig up one that old...


As for bisexuality, personally I think that everyone is bisexual to a degree, it's just how well dogma, social prejudice and religion have beaten in out of people. I'm also a bit suprised about how facist many women here at the idea of their man wanting to experiment a bit - as many women here claim they'd like to sleep with a woman, but the other side of the coin is somehow different?

It's no coincidence that the more accepted homo/bisexuality is becoming, the more people experiment a bit, most people have that interest buried in them somewhere.