[dieseltech24]

Ok. i need some help from you people.... its kinda pathetic that im subscribing to a womens health forum but im sucking it up cause its killing me.

ok i am 18 yrs old and my girlfriends sex drive is gone. it doesnt hurt her when we do have it, its just she never wants to. when i confront her about the fact that we havent had sex in two weeks she gets mad, saying that "we dont need sex to be happy" and stuff like that... im so in love with this girl and know she loves me. But as a eighteen yr old i have certain needs.. i know that sounds horrible... but she went from wanting to have sex five or more times a week to not wanting to at all... now i have been so concerned about cheating and what not so i got on a web site to look at the chances of her birth control deminishing her sex drive... and come to find out depo provera might be contributing to the problem... but i would like to know if anyone can give me some advice.

like i said im so deeply in love with this girl, and its concerning me how she went from wanting it all the time to none at all... she says we dont need it to be happy, that our love should be enough... but i dunno... its just all kind of sketchy... please someone help...

[Mes T]

Ok well, first off, I think you did the right thing by seeking answers here, don't worry about that!

It could be lots of things.

Yes, birth control for SOME women really does diminish sex drive, so that's worth looking into.

Secondly, she might be caught up in other things, like stress or something, to really care about "spending time" on sex.

Thirdly, when you were having it often, was she having orgasms? I know that if I'm with someone who doesn't pleasure me adequately, my sex drive goes down.

Some things to consider...

[WildChild]

It is very likely that the birth control product may be causing this. We've had a number of posters report this as a problem. One said her doctor recommended using an older form of the pill as those were less likely to cause this. It's stupid, the stuff is supposed to supress ovulation not work by killing all interest!

Talk with her, encourage her to talk with her doc about switching.

[dieseltech24]

thanks for the quick replys... but the only thing is every time i bring it up she gets so mad... like goes on the defensive... and yes she orgasams.. im almost positive of this due to having to continually washing my bedsheets back in the day... i just dont know what it could be... because she was on the birth control at the beginning of our relationship, for the first five months i couldnt keep the thought out of her mind... now she doesnt want it. it doesnt make sense to me, which is why im so bothered... but see she missed her shot two months ago and had to restart it.. and i think that could possible be the conflict. but how do i cope with that? will it go back to the way it was? i just dont see how an eighteen yr old girl all the sudden thinks our relationship doesnt want sex... ya know? Again, thank you for the replys

[Hopeless Dork]

Could be her birth control, could be stress... is she on any other meds? Could be she was never really into sex...or not enjoying it and now that she's comfortable in your love for her feels like she doesn't need to do it anymore just for your sake... Could be some deeply rooted issues with sex in general, feeling guilty about it... etc , could be any host of things causing her to pull back.

Talking to her is the only real way to find out but if she's defensive ...pushing her won't help.

Does she feel sexy? Dress sexy? Act sexy? Say sexy things? Behave in any manner that shows she has a sexual side at all? How is her body image? Does she feel good about herself in general?

When the two of you are intimate, spend some time focusing on her pleasure while neglecting your own... while that sounds counter-productive to your immediate needs ... it may pay off in the long run. If you show her being intimate with her is not just some biological function you need to fill, but instead an emotional one as well, a need to be intimate and close to her , you may be able to draw her back to it.

By that I mean take a night, when she does grant you access to her... to give her pleasure, orally, manually etc... and don't require anything back -- sounds crazy to you maybe? But it will show her that you like making her feel good, being close to her... etc.

Sometimes a young guy like yourself can lose sight of that (not saying thats what you are doing) but even if your sheets were wet... even if she came, if she felt at all like you were focused more on your pleasure than her own, that could put her off it so be sure to make it a point to be all about her on occasion.

[dieseltech24]

ok i understand that and will be trying that very soon.... so ur saying just make her be like "wow, he didnt even want sex... he just wanted to please me?" right? and no she isnt on anymore meds... she is an extremely pretty girl and has good self confidence and a good amount of sexiness that she shows from time to time... but i just dont get it.. its like her sex drive didnt decline.. it just stopped... when we used to get intimate she would be all into it. i didnt just rush into things.. im more of a gentleman about it actually... i slowly take her clothes off, orally and manually please her usually till she tells me she wants me to start... its just such a mystery to me.. she has no stress really, shes a senior in high school and passes without difficulty at all... idk... thanks for the idea tho hd....

[CHANDLERS WISH]

... but see she missed her shot two months ago and had to restart it.

So you were okay for five months but you haven't said, since then how long this dryer spell has been?

Do you think that maybe it's because she missed her shots and is scared of getting pregnant?

A mental thought?

Another thing comes to mind, is sometimes women change their thought pattern, at the begining, it's hot/horney/LUST.

But if it goes on and on, all of of a sudden, she feels that's all she is there for, sex so they pull away to see whether or not you really do love her, not just her in bed.

What else do you do? Other than sex? When was the last time you took her out for dinner?

Do you do things, kiss her, hug her, and NOT get hard and therefore, turn it into sex? In-otherwords, do the 50/50, sometimes you just want her, nothing more, no sex, just her, other times you want her and intimacy.

Makes a big difference, if all it is is sex, a woman feels much like a .........when that's the case.

CW

[dieseltech24]

actually yes... we do frequently go on dates... out to eat, movies, shopping(mostly for her)... and majority of the time we used to spend with each other was cuddling and watching movies. (which i love to do) she missed her shot date so in order to restart it she had to wait two months before returning for the new shot... her second one in this series is dec 17... so im hoping to god that this is the problem.. cause ive tried everything just to make this girl happy and have a healthy sexual relationship.. cause to be honest its the only thing that isnt flawless in our relationship if you can believe tht... i just dont know anymore.. still have yet to try the "focusing completly on her" technique... which i am still gonna try... another thing she is aware of the lasting effects of the depo provera shot, not to mention were getting married next sept... but this shot messes with the hormones of a girl and im afraid that missing it and starting back is what went wrong...

[Texasred]

Ok. i need some help from you people.... its kinda pathetic that im subscribing to a womens health forum but im sucking it up cause its killing me.

Why "pathetic?" Where better to learn about women than FROM women? (PS: I'm a guy too)

But as a eighteen yr old i have certain needs.. i know that sounds horrible...

Not horrible, just normal!

...she says we dont need it to be happy, that our love should be enough...

Careful, though: this could be a test!

You will get some good advice here, though.

[Guest]

Hhhmmm, maybe your girlfriend need a new way to start sex.. Are you sure you are not a bit abrupt or like "I only need sex now".. Try to do it with more love or something..

Also have a talk with her about birth control..