[danceintx]

I've never understood the excuse of 'getting carried away'. I know the sensation of hormones rushing to the brain and blood rushing elsewhere can make for some interesting and powerful feelings, but it's not so powerful that it stops the thought process altogether.

To me someone saying they get carried away sounds like they're really saying they were hoping you'd let them continue.

Compeletely agree, I have picked up from the time we started having sex that he has always tried things and waited to see if I stopped him. This is how the anal thing came about. He has even said himself that he is "testing my boundaries" during sex. Now, my problem with this is, that I personally don't have fun having to say "stop", "don't that hurts" continueosly throughout sex, kinda ruins the mood.

[rcoreyus]

Some people (of both genders) like rough sex. This is OK as long as both partners are enjoying, but can be a real problem if only one likes this. Sad to say, you may just like very different things.

One thought - does he like you to be rough to him? There is a chance that he would enjoy that and you might as well.

If you really find you like different types of sex you may have a long term problem.

He does stop when you tell him to, and some people do get "carried away", so I don't particularly blame him- but he still may not be the right person for you.

[Ashlee T.]

The problem I see here is that you do not trust this man (opinion only). You do not trust him not to hurt you. If you remained quiet and clinched your fists through the pain would he rip you from "a-hole to appetite"? This is what you're unsure of.

To me it's not a matter of what he likes and doesn't like....it's lack of trust. You feel somewhat degraded during sex with him. So pain, lack of trust, and feeling degraded = not an enjoyable sex life.

I would say next time it happens and you have to say "OUCH!! Stop!!", then afterwards, I would sit down and have a talk with him. Be firm, tell him you don't like the roughness, you don't like to hurt and that frankly the pain makes you not enjoy it at all. Tell him you want him to be conscious of your body, how it's made and that you don't want to have to continuously be hurt and tell him to stop. There are many things with a mans anatomy that are just sort of known "don't do's". And most certainly anytime you do something that makes a guy say "OUCH", you learn and don't do it again. So why is he continously doing this?

[Guest]

my first response was to do unto others as they have done unto you, and give him a hard fisting one day and see if he liked it. but after thinking about it, he might actually like that so it's not a good idea.

i think the poster above me gave the best advice, say ouch, make him stop, and tell it like it is without glossing over it. if he doesnt understand and won't change, then you two are just incompatible sexually and need to move on.

[sourpuss]

I've never understood the excuse of 'getting carried away'. I know the sensation of hormones rushing to the brain and blood rushing elsewhere can make for some interesting and powerful feelings, but it's not so powerful that it stops the thought process altogether.

To me someone saying they get carried away sounds like they're really saying they were hoping you'd let them continue.

I agree. Although I bit my BFs nipple really hard one time on accident. Woopsie! But he told me right then and there that it hurt and now I'm all careful.

[danceintx]

So, the rough stuff has continued. And last time he fingered me too hard, I said "that's too much" and then later "ouch", and he backed off, just to do it again another time. Then this morning, I was awaken to very rowdy rough sex, yanking the out of my hair, pounding the out of me. A few times I said ouch, when pulling my hair, and when thrusting. So it upsets me enough that I texted him about it saying it upset me. I got a text back saying he was sorry of course, and he doesn't actually like rough sex??? Now, I know this can't be me, cause I have never had a problem with a man being too rough before, so I'm wondering, why would you be rough if you don't like it? Then he texted again asking what excactly was too rough? The thrusting, hair pulling, etc? I was like well, me saying ouch was probably a hint. Why is he not understanding me???? I am so frustrated with this right now, he is so great in every other way, I love him so much. I don't want this problem right now.

[Texinator]

Then this morning, I was awaken to very rowdy rough sex, yanking the out of my hair, pounding the out of me.

Were you awake when he started or did he just kinda sneak up on you and start when you were still asleep?

[newhere808]

I agree with Tex, that is a weak excuse. If he's like this with you so early in your relationship chances are things will progress down the road. You don't want to risk any injury of any kind for a significant other, not to please them. I've been in some extremely excited situations with sex, i've even been told to dial back how hard I was licking her clit once, but it is not an issue of "loosing control", it's an issue of learning what your partner likes and doing your best to find a happy medium.

If he can't put a leash on his rough tendancies I would say you should get out of there, rough tendancies in bed can come accross in other facets of a relationship, and I doubt you want that.

[rcoreyus]

I think he isn't what you want.

One slight chance though - do your 'that feels good' noises and your 'thats too rough" noises sound similar. I need to be careful with my wife (on the rare occasions we do anything) in that her noises of enjoyment sound a lot like her noises of discomfort. I start doing something -she makes happy noises. I do it more, the noises increase. Its sometimes tough to tell when she is enjoying it less rather than more.

This may not be the case here, but think about it .

[SFDad]

Have you really sat down with him and explained this fully clothed? If you have talked with him about this openly in a non-sexual environment and his is continuing then get out now- he is not paying attention. If you haven't, sit down with him tonight- don't text him!- and explain what you like and don't like. You need to be very, very clear- many of us guys are not quick on picking up clues. Saying 'please be more gentle' is not clear enough- saying "do not try sticking your hand inside me because it hurts and I will be really ****ed off" is more concise. If you like to be spanked lightly sometimes, but not all of the time, help him understand what your limits are. Just be really clear.

If he is really into the rough stuff much more than you are, and that is his thing, then I suspect its not going to work for you two.