[danceintx]

Ok, so my bf is great in lots of ways. I love him very much. We have been together 3 months, so we are still learning each other. Well, several times during sex he has gotten a little too rough for me. Spanking a little hard, biting a little hard, thrusting in fingers a little too hard, trying to "fist" me which doesn't work and just results in me being raw and sore for a couple of days and doesn't feel good at all. Once I told him it was too rough and to calm down, then days later, it was the same thing and I got a little upset with him. He apoligized and said he just gets carried away and has a tendency to be too rough at times and he would stop. And mostly he has, but he is still fingering very hard, which bothers me. How do I get it across what's too hard and what's not without him feeling bad, and is this a sign of anything I should be worried about??

[Mes T]

Well, he SHOULD feel bad, to be honest. I wouldn't worry about his feelings at this point, I mean this sounds like it could get out of hand and be very dangerous for you. He needs to understand that this isn't okay with you, and he needs to do so NOW, so, go ahead and tell him like it is, don't sugar coat it.

[sourpuss]

Just say 'OUCH!' immediately when it happens. Then he'll know exactly how hard is too hard. If he continues to do it then you know that he's not 'getting carried away' and that's cause for alarm.

[pinkdynamite]

Just say 'OUCH!' immediately when it happens. Then he'll know exactly how hard is too hard. If he continues to do it then you know that he's not 'getting carried away' and that's cause for alarm.

I definitely agree. Call his attention to it right when it happens, rather then after it's all over. That way if it keeps continuing he'll be able to see how many times he's causing you distress during the act. Mes_T is right, this could be very dangerous for you, and it's best that he realizes the seriousness of what he's doing before something happens.

[jenny.sean]

sex is for pleasures and not for the pain. U give love to eachother and not the pain. this my hurt u badly internally to your vagina, you should stop him doping so and remind him of not giving u the pain......

[caterpillar79]

Red flag!!! You've told him about it, he said he gets carried away...gets all gentle and loving...then "gets carried away"... u called him out again, same alibi from him...and on goes the cycle...

Are you willing to compromise?

I won't...RED FLAG!!!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Why do I get the feeling your trying to please him?

Fisting? Does he watch Porn, where did he get that idea from?

Irrespective, your body is "your temple", okay... and people whom every they are have to respect that.

I appreciate he has some "rough" ideas, but they are not "equal" on your terms.

Make it very,very clear and if your not compatible in that department and he doesn't respect you and tame it down is this what you want?

Sorry only cuts it a couple of times, after that, it can feel so hurtful that I am afraid you'll start crying during and that he won't stop..

Please nip this in the bud straight away and advise him that a woman's parts are very senstive, what ever he has read/ viewed on line, is "acting" and those women do also feel pain and he needs to see this as real, and deal with it.

There are lots of ways he can have fun, without hurting you sweet.

Sorry.

CW

[Ashlee T.]

A good way to scar yourself mentally (and quite possibly physically) is to allow yourself to be hurt during sex.

A couple years down the road we don't want to see you on here posting and wondering why you hate sex, why you can't orgasm, and why you just don't enjoy it? Because this post you just posted will be your answer.

I dated a guy who enjoyed the rough stuff....he'd always push the limits a bit to see how far I'd let him go, but he never went there without my approval. We had an awesome sex life because he brought me out of my comfort zone, but he never hurt me and he certainly never repeated something if he knew it hurt.

Put a stop to it. Don't be so passive that you allow yourself to be hurt. You will disrespect yourself for it, and he will disrespect you (even more than he already is) for it.

Saying "Ouch, that hurts!" and pulling his hand away will help. If he sees that you're not going to put up with it, he'll likely change his behavior.

[danceintx]

Thanks guys for all your input. I am pretty paranoid about men anyway, so yes, this makes me wonder. I have said "ouch" on occasion and he'll stop, but then sometimes just start doing something else rough. That's what's the most aggrevating. The fisting thing I made it pretty clear him trying that hurt and I don't like pain and he did quit, but lately his thing has been going down on me while fingering my G spot. It feels amazing : ) but lately he went from that to fingering real hard and it keeps me from reaching an orgasm.
Another thing that makes me wonder, he said his ex didn't like kissing him because she said he was too rough. He doesn't kiss me too rough, but apparently there is a pattern here.
Oh, and Chandler, he has mentioned watching porn once before, and I have suspected porn watching from the get go because of some of these things he does. Most of the time sex with him feels like a porn movie. I don't mind so much, but sometimes I do wish he was a little more sensual and gentle when he have sex. I don't mind him watching porn, except for this reason. I feel like it may change people's perceptions about sex.

[Texinator]

I've never understood the excuse of 'getting carried away'. I know the sensation of hormones rushing to the brain and blood rushing elsewhere can make for some interesting and powerful feelings, but it's not so powerful that it stops the thought process altogether.

To me someone saying they get carried away sounds like they're really saying they were hoping you'd let them continue.