[WildChild]

An addiction affects your ability to function in daily life, it interfers with your work and personal life, it takes over. Wanting sex regularly or even daily isn't an addictive behavior - I'd consider it normal.

[Ahryin]

Ok so i'm going over these post and I really believe we have lost the point of the original post. Point is she said NO, regardless if you are married or not once you say NO its NO...that means stop..remove...resist..back off..get out...

I understand she has her reasons, I understand he has his reasons but that is his wife! The same way he is her husband. Once you are in a relationship it dictates understanding, demands compassion, and requires co-operation. The bottom line is they both have a HUGE lack of communication. She feels she must allow sexual activity every night even though she has no want for it at this time, he obviously feels its ok to engage in sexual activity with a person that clearly at this point in time does not enjoy it or want it. THATS WRONG...I don't care how you explain it, justify it or disect it..its WRONG.

I think you both need to sit down and discuss what is going on. Do not attack your husband but rather focus on the future. You might also want to seek counseling, talk to your doctor about changing your current perscriptions. Look into alternate forms of foreplay and different ways to arrouse yourself. Read about meditation and tantra. You have to fix and love yourself before you will be able to love others.

[danceintx]

The woman refusing her husband sex has reduced herself to a piece of meat.

It's obvious from the OP's thread that she is the one lying there waiting for it to be over. If she was an active and involved part of the deed, there wouldn't be that "piece of meat" stigma.

Man or woman - refusing your partner sex, or reducing it to a bargaining tool in order to sustain financial reward is JUST as low as demanding sex from someone who doesn't want to give it.

Wow! I hope you weren't saying I was having sex for financial gain. Just because my husband threatened these things in no way meant that's why I had sex with him.

I also think it is horrible to say that this is her fault because she is just lying there. Unfortunately not too many people have a concept of what it is like to be married to a person like this unless you experience it.

[hello_pitty]

Unless you are engaging in reckless sexual behavior that threatens your day to day functioning and overall health as a contributor to your family and society, then I think it's difficult to label an individual a sex addict.

Again, you're not reading the OP properly:

My husband, he can't sleep without sex. He gets really frustrated, he can't concentrate, he gets really grumpy and his negative energy makes me really anxoius too. I strart to feel guilty and I just hate to see him not being able to sleep and all that, I let him do it

But since she didn't say how OFTEN he needs sex, I think we're on agreement here that he may not actually be addicted. The thing that gets me is that he forces her to have sex, even after she has said NO.

I do not believe it is only men who have addiction to sex, I know this personally...at one point in my life, I was so obsessed with sex that I cried at night when my husband didn't want it (pregnancy fixed that lol).

What do we label a woman who has multiple orgasms? Normal. Just because not all men can have multiple orgasms doesn't mean that women that can are sex addicts!

But in this situation, both parties are not in a normal state of mind and need to seek counselling. The man is not all at fault (but he does need help with understanding the meaning of NO) and the woman needs to get to the bottom of her depression.

[Guest]

I am not sure if it's beucase all the meds that I am taking or stress or pressures... sex started to hurt again. I don't like foreplay. I just ask my husband to finish asap. I know all the problems...

...

I just don't know what to do...

where do I go for help???

have you spoken with your doctor or someone professionally about this? the meds can cause the lowered sex drive. you shouldn't just "accept" it, but if you had a high drive beforehand and now don't, maybe a change in meds would help.

[Guest]

Again, you're not reading the OP properly:

But since she didn't say how OFTEN he needs sex, I think we're on agreement here that he may not actually be addicted. The thing that gets me is that he forces her to have sex, even after she has said NO.

I do not believe it is only men who have addiction to sex, I know this personally...at one point in my life, I was so obsessed with sex that I cried at night when my husband didn't want it (pregnancy fixed that lol).

What do we label a woman who has multiple orgasms? Normal. Just because not all men can have multiple orgasms doesn't mean that women that can are sex addicts!

But in this situation, both parties are not in a normal state of mind and need to seek counselling. The man is not all at fault (but he does need help with understanding the meaning of NO) and the woman needs to get to the bottom of her depression.

We're on the same page here with all points mentioned.

But one thing-

This isn't rape.

I've been tired and had women take my clothes off and begin sexual relations when I've said "No", too.

She took a look back in time and decided, for her own benefit, what the situation entailed...

You can't just decide in hindsight, after engaging in an act several times, that it is rape if you allowed it to happen.

Not the most ideal situation...but it isn't rape.

[Guest]

...I let him do it.

I just ask my husband to finish asap.

I didn't want to be pathetic so I just accepted...

Just some choice phrases.

This isn't rape.

[hello_pitty]

I agree, it is not technically rape. But it is still forced sex. When you don't want it, it's forced, married or not.

Still, they both have a problem and they need to fix it.

[nightqueen]

I agree with everything you said except the last part regarding addiction.

The couple needs to address the depression situation first.

However,

If her husband can be labeled an addict for wanting an orgasm from time to time (she didn't give the frequency but we can probably reasonably estimate), what do we label a woman who has 5 orgasms in one sexual session?

It just seems we are way too quick to put the addiction label upon a person, especially a man. On the other hand we routinely rejoice and encourage a woman to be as sexual as possible....which I see no problem with at all. What is troubling is the perceived double standard.

Furthermore, men on average have testosterone levels at least 10 times of a female- as a result it isn't unheard of for a man to want sexual release more than a female.

Unless you are engaging in reckless sexual behavior that threatens your day to day functioning and overall health as a contributor to your family and society, then I think it's difficult to label an individual a sex addict.

The OP said that it's every night and that he can't fall asleep without it.

[nightqueen]

I agree, it is not technically rape. But it is still forced sex. When you don't want it, it's forced, married or not.

Still, they both have a problem and they need to fix it.

The OP specifically said that there were times when she said NO and he didn't listen. That's rape.

And you agree that it was forced sex. Forced sex is rape.