[pretzel]

have you looked at any of the adult oriented sites to see what techniques/positions you may not have tried?

i'm sure if you searched based on some of what you have mentioned (eg: sex, blindfolded) you may find a few things.

I'm not so sure that would be the best way to go. It just might be too much too soon.

I'm also not so sure it's lack of experience or more lack of self confidence on both partners.

As many have said here, you're only as good as you feel.

Feeling better about themselves may just be enough of a relaxation factor than trying something that they may not be ready for.

[WildChild]

Ok go to the books and entertainment page of the forum and look at the books on the thread, books on sex. I got tired of writing it all down over and over. The Orgasm Loop might be a good starting point.

[empty vase]

lol be right back. gonna right him an e mail caz i'm chicken to say it to his face

[CHANDLERS WISH]

ohhh ahhhh... lol's...

Nooo, you have to talk to him face to face with any problem you want to discuss.

Okay, can we read the email after? Only joking.. But I am sure you'll let us know the basis of what you wanted to say to him...

See what we can come up with from that/there......

[empty vase]

dear god...

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Is that directed at what I wrote? Or that you are having difficulty writing the email?

CW

[empty vase]

well, this morning i sent him an e mail letting him know i'm not happy with our sex life and at times even feel like having an affair but i wont caz he is a good man and i fear god, i believe what goes around comes around. on the 26th dec i said if certan stuff dont change i want a divorce caz i'm tired of repeating myself every yr and he still refused to change. in the e mail told him what i want and what i like and that he should do the same. if theres anything ab me he dont like or something he does like he should say. i told him if he doesn't no what to do he can talk to someone or goon a forum, it's privet, noone knows who you are. he came on msn saying i'm saying divorce alot when i've only mentioned it 3 times and told him my reasons. he said we have no problems and it's all me and he's happy with how things are and wam-bam-thank-you-ma'am is making love. so i'm thinking.. i swear i told him in the email what i liked and that this ma'am is not happy with that... did this dude not undestand

i sent him another e mail, repeating myself but this time numbering it and catagrising it (i'm a really bad speller) and told him to reply to each point and the reply i got.. i'm not gonna post it caz i dont want u to hate him and i know he wont be happy with it but he basicly said we have no problems, it's normal for when people have been married this long and that i'm creating problems in my mind that are not there and if i keep "insissting" for a divorce he'll will. one of the things i complain about every yr is we dnt spend time together and hardly have alone time and he said "how can we spend time alone in the house? we dont live in the house to ourself. I DONT LIKE KICKING PEOPLE OUT OF THE HOUSE so that we stay there ourselves. i dont like coming near you when people are there"


right now i'm too angry and upset to think stright. i'm at my parents, they helping me with our bighead son which i'm glad i'm here caz i can't be near him right now. i love him too muh to leave but i'm strong enough to do it but i believe keep fighting and trying till theres nothing left to save and you can walk away with your head held high and say "i did something, i tryed but in the end it didn't work out" i'm not stupid nor indinial, he is a good man, just not bright and refuses to be educated. gotta find different ways to break him. dontmention councelling or thrapy caz he wont do it. as for me, i'm just as bad, i wont tell the truth to someone infront of me but it is easier to talk to a stranger who doesn't even no how u look like or what area u live.


a very sad brick wall

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Not to be rude at all, but you started this thread stating "you are just not good in bed", granted you also mentioned that he's shy and won't read up on things.

But, your last post is "demanding", of him totally, where's the communication? I again appreciate that you have suggested that you can't get him to be open in that area but your also in-secure about yourself in that area as well as yourself personally, so what I am saying is isn't this a case of "two" people having trouble? Not one?

You can't go around threatening Divorce when things aren't the way you like it, off course he's going to retaliate and suggest the same back to you.

Are you also suggesting you are living with your parents? You, your husband and your child? Then he has a point about privacy and maybe in reality that is the problem.

He fears he will be heard maybe you do too...

Can you work out financially to be in-dependent if that's the case and find a place of your own?

5 Years is nothing... It's not long at all, it's young and it is the time where people continue to work through problems

CW

[empty vase]

lol, only 5 years.

But, your last post is "demanding", of him totally, where's the communication? I again appreciate that you have suggested that you can't get him to be open in that area but your also in-secure about yourself in that area as well as yourself personally, so what I am saying is isn't this a case of "two" people having trouble? Not one?

i want to work through my problems in hope that it can put an end to our problem but in his eyes we have no problem, there is nothing wrong. i'm admitting my fults yet he wont acknowledge his. over the years, i've sujested didn't positions. i told him where i like being kissed and asked him the same. i am wild but as i was getting nothing back i felt odd, like i was wrong so i kept quite and would just complain about other things, like he hasn't taken me out in 3 years.hasn't bught me a gift in that time too. when we go to bed at night, i'd wanna chat and he'd wanna sleep. i'd say u make no time for me and he says we spend "all night" together.

ok so once again, i spoke, wasn't heard so i kept quite. it reached a point where i'd keep myself busy with work, he has no time for me, well nor i for him but i still have needs and at this point i'm hateing sex but crave for it.. but not frm him. still.. i kept quite.

You can't go around threatening Divorce when things aren't the way you like it, off course he's going to retaliate and suggest the same back to you.

i'd see a cute guy and i'm trying to pul myself together, if i really wantto be turned of, i just picture my husband and it works. out of fear of having an affair i keep my eyes down and keep no male friends except one who i'm not attracted to thank god and this yr i feel like i'm cracking, how much longer can i put up with this.. i DONT want to put up with itso i told him, every yr i say the same things and you ignore me and i'm really tired of it. change or i want out.

in the email i told him i'm not happy with our sex life and i want to hear what he wants, i want to know what he likes and i told him what i like to get it going and give him an idea of what i'm talking about. all i got is "we have no problems" i'm no longer attracted to him and i told him that, he does nothing for me so i said it's all me, i'm the one with the problem and that i should change, i'm bad in bed and came online to learn new things i can try but he wont let me. he's happy wih how things are.he doesn't want change and i dont want to live like this.

i have my own place, my bro and his wife live with me, it's a big house and my little bro recently moved in which i'm happy with caz i dont feel so alone. he bakes with me and helps me clean. we do stuff together. he's in uni so busy most of the time or out with friends. the newly wedd are in their own world and we have days where noone is home. of course he'd rather watch tv or go out and as for sex..i aint interested, not that he comes to me.

over the past few months we've been more like goodfriends... i can see him as a best friend...but i dont no if there can be more. i donno.. how can u be in love with someone and not attracted to them


at my parents caz bighead's ill.he doesn't like to sleep aroundmy fols place so i go alone.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well that makes perfect sense.

At 17, you wouldn't really know what is compatible and what isn't compatible and it sounds like in various areas you are not compatible, if you are a "wild" thing for instance and he's not that into you, or interested in experimenting that's hard, what's harder is that he won't try, or won't "compromise".

If he hasn't bought you a gift in 3 years and you saying Christmas as well and Birthdays? Or taken you out, well yes, I'd be thinking I am only living with a "Friend" and I would be trying to solve it.

I understand your at a point where you've tried this over and over for quite some time and getting no where.

How old is he if you don't mind me asking?

Does he have friends? Do you have female friends?

Is there any love there? From him to you, besides these issues, it doesn't sound like he knows what a "relationship" is, only batchelorhood and marriage means you have someone looking after you, you work and come home and help financially..

That is what it sounds like to me.

CW