[PJhavinfunagain]

IF you are having these issues now they WILL NOT improve with marriage! They usually get worse.

I understand you are in love but just think long and hard. Don;t give up who you are.

for exapmle...I had to tell DH to stop giggling at me when we talked about sex or me trying to act sexier. It is a let down. He listened and has reaped the rewards.

[Texasred]

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Any man that turns down sex from a woman he is in a relationship with is likely getting his jollies elsewhere. What is it with the "can't be bothered" on this board? Do men really say this? I'm sorry, but being a hot blooded male, I never refuse sex. EVER. Even if I'm busy, preoccupied, doing ANYTHING at all, if my girl comes over to seduce me I'll drop what I'm doing. Even when I'm terribly sick! This man you have does not have his head in the game.

Nicely put! LOL!
I agree completely: "Can't be bothered," my tail!
All those other things you do are just what you do between having sex!

[Texasred]

Any advise? like what am i doing wrong and what should i feel to understand this all better.

What you're doing wrong is hanging out with the wrong "man" (and I use that term loosely in his case - as someone else put it, it really doesn't take much of an effort to make one's lover feel appreciated).

Find someone else; and most importantly:
don't base your self-esteem on what some guy does or does not do.

[PJhavinfunagain]

Also as a gal who was never a size 5 (or 10 for that matter) Once I became confident with myself I was never at a lack for suitors. If a guy is truly into you you will know it and feel it!

[stressed]

I am a little confused, but if I got this correctly:

- You live 8 hours away from each other.
- He seems to spend time on facebook but won't bother to leave you a message or call you.
- He turns down sex because "he can't be bothered".

By just keeping these 3 facts, I'd say there's probably quite some porn involved in this and a lazy lover who is settled with a nice girl, thinks that 'sex is not everything in a relationship' and instead of looking for another one whom he'd find attractive enough to be excited in bed when she's on top he knows he's found a really nice girl but he's just too lazy to work on the sex side of it. It wouldn't surprise me if he was into other online things as well.

I say, be careful and don't underestimate sex. The fact that he doesn't discuss this with you and just says "get over it" is not a caring sign. If you won't change this now it will only get worse. Don't ignore it.

If you feel bad about your looks try exercising a little bit. Not for HIM, but for YOU. Buy new clothes, new make up, get a new and very different haircut, make whatever it takes for you to find YOURSELF sexy. (edit) even flirt a little at the grocery store. BECOME CONFIDENT! Nobody's better than you, those other girls just play the game differently, but it's nothing you cannot achieve. Not look-wise, but confidence-wise. Confidence is very sexy in women. Looks come second.

When you gain back your confidence you won't need him to reassure you about your looks. You won't care at all about his ex'es because you will KNOW you are equally good, if not better, looking than them. And in the meantime you don't even have to initiate sex, let him come and get it, because you will feel so good mentally and emotionally that he will just want to have it.

Love yourself and your body, then others will love you back the same. Then the right positions will come naturally without planning and even if they are not right at the moment they will be then.

Most importantly: don't ruin your mood over a man, engaged or not. You seem to be someone willing to work out relationship problems when you're in love. If he cannot support you through difficult times he's not worthy of being your husband.

[MissReign]

Darlin,

I don't know----this guy of yours is doing a ****ty job at being a fiance. I don't understand why he would make you feel badly about yourself and sex. That isn't very nice of him.

I don't think there is anything wrong with you at all. You seem to want to please him, and a little positive support would go a long way and he can't manage to meet your emotional needs.

We women are insecure and your fiance seems to be playing into your worst insecurities.....

Stop beating yourself up girl---and realize it is your fiance who needs the work.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Actually, I think it's a mixture of both.

You've got it set in your head that the other girls were "better" than you, as far as their bodies go and so you are desperate to be "better" in bed, as you see this as a way in which to keep him, win him and it's frustrating you to the hilt, with his non reactions or laughter, knowing it's not "like" you.

But the thing is he went out with you, he's still with you so that's not the case now is it.. If it was he wouldn't be your fiance.

Perhaps, he prefers the "loving" side of you sexually instead of the "pretend vixon" your aiming at achieving?

Alot of men won't make noises when you are on top of them but look in their eyes, so cowboy aint the way to do it And, you should tell what they are "feeling".

He has a communication problem from the sounds of it, your both young and this takes time to work with.

Instead of saying "what's wrong", or "what do you want me to do to you", just smile, kiss him and do what "you want to do", as YOU, be yourself... and just add in, as time goes by, "do you like that?", smiling....

And, tell him you know you've been insecure, but on the same accord, he's not reacting or talking about intimacy which makes it worse and he has to communicate outside the bedroom in discussions, whilst in the bedroom, you'll now just be you and not dampen the moment with questions.. Feel it in other words ,instead of talking through the whole thing may be a better solution.


CW

[Joy]

In a good relationship your partner doesn't try and insult you in the sac unless they feel so low themselves that making you feel bad is the only way they feel better. I think if you look at this situation he is the one who is insecure and he needs you to feel that way too so you feel lower than him.

Maybe his last "skinny, hot GF" really shot him down with his lazy lover style and really lazy approach to relationships. So he's carried that lil hurt to the next relationship and he makes you feel like like his last GF made him feel.

He sounds lazy in bed and in the relationship emotional side of it. A man that loves you does the lil things to make you feel like you are his queen..... not second best.

For him to even compare you sexually to his last one night stand is really imature... As for yourself you need to believe in you and know yourself. Then when some dork walks into your life and tries to tell you all the relationship problems in the bedroom and out of the bedroom are all you then you'll know he is putting all his bs on you instead of dealing with his issues.

good luck with this.... i hope this man can mature and get past his issues and I hope you can grow past your own insecurities too.

[Ros2007]

Darlin,

I don't know----this guy of yours is doing a ****ty job at being a fiance. I don't understand why he would make you feel badly about yourself and sex. That isn't very nice of him.

I don't think there is anything wrong with you at all. You seem to want to please him, and a little positive support would go a long way and he can't manage to meet your emotional needs.

We women are insecure and your fiance seems to be playing into your worst insecurities.....

Stop beating yourself up girl---and realize it is your fiance who needs the work.

This is VERY wise. ^

[Lyn]

Hi, when is the wedding planned?