do not spoil your man too much

**stressed** · 02-24-2010, 07:57 PM

I agree, nobody should be forced into doing anything s/he doesn't want to for somebody else. If there is no balance they will only keep asking for more and we'll be left unsatisfied.

**WildChild** · 02-24-2010, 08:07 PM

Originally posted by stressed

If there is no balance they will only keep asking for more and we'll be left unsatisfied.

Been there

**LanaBear** · 02-24-2010, 08:26 PM

But if it is equal, I don't see anything wrong with it. I spoil him, he spoils me. With that said, neither of us do anything we don't want to. It pretty much boils down to mutual respect.

**rcoreyus** · 02-24-2010, 09:09 PM

I think in an ideal relationship, each person will go out of their way to do whatever their partner likes. If only one person is trying, that is a problem, but if both are trying, I think its OK to sometimes do things you don't particularly enjoy.

**kira** · 02-24-2010, 09:39 PM

Women can be just as limitless in their fantasies. My subconscious stays thoroughly leashed. At least while I'm awake. What it comes up with while I'm sleeping and haven't fulfilled my sex drive lately is mostly going to stay between me and it...

Some people like giving oral sex irregardless of jaw discomfort. Some guys like giving oral despite highly disliking taste or smell. People have to ask about these things because sometimes it's good to do something that you may not exactly like or find pleasureable but isn't that bad just to make the other person happy. If you can't call a halt when you do reach something too far beyond your comfort level or the other person doesn't equally spoil you then your problem isn't that you did things for them. Your problem is that you may have picked a bad partner. Irregardless of level of sexual fantasy the other person should consider your feelings or comfort before even asking and they should easily stop when asked even if you've fulfilled every previous fantasy they've had. There's some immaturity and/or communication issue going on if it doesn't work that way. A good relationship shouldn't mean you don't do things only for the purpose of not making someone too happy. Something is wrong with this logic. If you actually do have a good partner it sounds a little selfish to me. No you shouldn't do something you really dislike or find painful, you shouldn't be forced, and you should be treated equally but we aren't training dogs here. We are getting involved in what are hopefully completely equal relationships. I fail to see any posts around here where someone has caused an issue from simply pleasing their partner in the past. Odds are their partner came that way.

Now if you do know a way to give oral without jaw pain let me know cause my husband has given up asking despite the fact he loves it. He also still does it to me so I'm starting to feel guilty. Again we aren't training dogs. My dog will gladly eat all the cookies and only share if I threaten her and she knows I'm above her. The other dog would still try to eat them. My husband will give me all the cookies long before I have to threaten to withhold sex from him.

There really isn't too much I wouldn't happily do with and for him until the point of pain so long as it isn't dangerous. Well... ok... I've done some dangerous things with electricity and self bondage (yes including both at the same time on occasion) but we'll ignore those few fantasies I let my subconscious live out during masturbation.... See there's a reason my subconscious is kept leashed when I'm awake.

If you feel like you are training a dog it's time to rethink this relationship. I've been there a few times. When you draw your line in the sand marking the limit of what you are willing to do make sure you are doing it for the right reasons. Personally if I could draw straight mine would perfectly overlap his. Luckily he respects the curves and does not comment on my drawing skills. I do wonder why he stopped asking about my dreams though. I think it had something to do with some disembodied giant penises.

**Hopeless Dork** · 02-24-2010, 11:10 PM

I don't really agree with anything thats been said, other than don't do what you don't want to do... but I think advising women not to "spoil" their man... is not the best approach. Especially since what your idea of spoiling is may be what another woman considers part of a normal healthy sexual relationship.

I 'spoil' my man, because it feels good to me to do it. I take pleasure in giving him pleasure and he has taken the time to navigate my body like he's got my hot spots lit up on his gps tracking device.

I think withholding giving the person you love pleasure is a recipe for disaster. If your man knew he could make your body shake with orgasms but was like nah... don't want to spoil her... i'll throw her a bone now and then but we musn't let her get TOO happy... you'd feel a bit slighted... and rightly so.

Don't get me wrong, if you don't like performing certain sex acts don't. If you don't feel like having sex don't do it. Its your body. But I do think loving relationships are based on compromises and the organic desire to make the other person happy. And to me unless it causes me physical or emotional harm.. if it makes my man happy -- its on the menu, period.

But thats just me. I don't advise that women should take pleasure in pleasing their partner if they don't want to....but just take a look at that sentence and how odd that sounds. But I definitely don't advise holding back on things you like to do , that they enjoy , out of fear that it will make them want something you don't want to do in the future.

I think you cross that bridge when you come to it. If you stay within your own personal comfort zone and bounderies and are true to them... when they have a fantasy thats non-negotiable you can say no, and say no with zero guilt because you know you go out of your way to make them happy in other ways.

But to avoid pleasing your man, making him happy... just on the off chance he might take you for granted is sort of playing head games ... and nobody benefits with those.

**needanswer99** · 02-25-2010, 03:24 AM

agreed

If you stay within your own personal comfort zone and bounderies and are true to them... when they have a fantasy thats non-negotiable you can say no, and say no with zero guilt because you know you go out of your way to make them happy in other ways

.

If you can't call a halt when you do reach something too far beyond your comfort level or the other person doesn't equally spoil you then your problem isn't that you did things for them. Your problem is that you may have picked a bad partner. Irregardless of level of sexual fantasy the other person should consider your feelings or comfort before even asking and they should easily stop when asked even if you've fulfilled every previous fantasy they've had

a lot of sense in above comments and samething I tried to tell my fellow women........

**needanswer99** · 02-25-2010, 03:33 AM

further

further, I like the sentence

"say no with zero guilt"......

in my experience ...man loves you but sometimes he does not realize the situation until or unless u tell him clearly.....(yes !!of course sometimes)

**Aqemini1977** · 02-25-2010, 04:12 AM

I have been married for 10 years and think you should go out of your way to fufill your partners sexual desires. My reasoning is mostly based on marriage for life. I am going to be with this person forever, ever...then we need to let it "all hang out" sexually. I do think there should be a happy medium however. Some things are off-limits due to morals or pain thresholds but If my spouse said something would please her then I would give it a try and hopefully it did not cause me any undue pain.

Not to be to graphic and I am only speaking from my perspective, I would love for my spouse to exhaust me and keep me running on empty.

do not spoil your man too much

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