[WildChild]

It's all about balance. Sometimes one may give more than the other but before too much time passes, they should be on the receiving end. Over time the scales should be even, within that couple's perception. This applies to more than sex, one may just hate doing yard work, if the other does it all, they may think it a very equitable to do the dishes year round.

When one partner or spouse does all the giving and affection, there will eventually be problems.

[maverick]

I agree its about balance. Not necessarily an even balance but not totally lopsided either. I've given oral until my tongue ached, but I kept on going because she had not quite gone over the hump yet. I've let her sleep on my arm that had gone numb because I did not want to wake her by removing it. She similarly "spoils" me and our relationship has lasted over 22 years.

I don't think anyone should be forced to do something that they do not want to do. But if you are not willing to spoil your husband/wife, don't be suprised if you lose them to someone who is willing to do so.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Equality and communication and the "right" person in your life.

Doing things to "keep your man can backfire", as he takes advantage of more and more and some of those things you don't care for, but who is this "man?". What is his future intentions? How does he show you love?

Having no boundries, no in-hibitions and giving and receiving and loving, outside of the bedroom is you being you. Why should you be anything in-different?

I think it all boils down to discussions and communication, if you don't like a certain thing make that evident from the start. But, don't not give bj's because you think your spoiling him. You give out of love and also because you like to do it, taking away things that you think would be "spoiling him", makes the relationship, not real, your holding back, it's a form of control...

Just be yourself.

[needanswer99]

purpose!!!

only I just did this thread because I observed that some women want to please their hubby sexually so desperately by taking themselves in uncomforable position that this is may be not necessary...even their partner would not agree with them if they get to know.......

[sourpuss]

It's all about balance. Sometimes one may give more than the other but before too much time passes, they should be on the receiving end. Over time the scales should be even, within that couple's perception. This applies to more than sex, one may just hate doing yard work, if the other does it all, they may think it a very equitable to do the dishes year round.

When one partner or spouse does all the giving and affection, there will eventually be problems.

Agreed.

[beebee02]

But if it is equal, I don't see anything wrong with it. I spoil him, he spoils me. With that said, neither of us do anything we don't want to. It pretty much boils down to mutual respect.

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Agreed! My husband and I "spoil" each other but we also wouldn't want to do something were not comfortable with and we know better than not push it!

[needanswer99]

Agreed! My husband and I "spoil" each other but we also wouldn't want to do something were not comfortable with and we know better than not push it!

agreed with above...but I think husband/BF should not misuse that spoiling....for example about oral sex...i know some girls they do not like to give but their partner do emotional blackmail them...they just become so much sad
or just say that when we are satisfying (not by oral sex) you then why u r refusing..even when those women are ready to satisfy them by other ways...

or they show that they are going to porn etc etc

i think it is emotional blackmailing.....

[Hopeless Dork]

I get what you are trying to say about the emotional blackmailing, and I see how it can definitly be that if a guy is saying... do this for me or I am going to cheat... or do this for me or I will watch porn (if he knows porn bothers his partner)

But at the same time my head spins with confusion on the selfishness of some women in committed relationship that marry a sexual man... are sexual with that man then suddenly one day decide they are boarding up the windows to it and he must not want, because they don't want.

While I think its perfectly okay to say no when you don't want to, and to turn down acts you deem painful (physically or emotionally) to withhold entirely to a man who has promised to be faithful to you is pretty much making a choice FOR him, that he will be celibate, that he will never in his life get to enjoy certain sexual pleasures , that you their s.o. won't even attempt them for no other reasons that she has deemed them unecessary.

[rcoreyus]

If you have a partner who is willing to do sexual favors for you, I think it is good to try to do what they like - as long as it isn't physically painful, and it is a fairly common activity (like oral).

Of course if they are not reciprocating, it is an entirely different problem.

As hopeless dork said - whey you commit to someone, you are giving them control of your sex life. I think it isn't fair to deprive someone you love of enjoyable sex.