[Tabz]

So waiting for marriage is great but being mismatched sexually is horrible. I guess you have to pick which is most important to you. I would argue you may be kind of young to know what you really what sexually from husband though. Just my opinion.

It's true, i'm only 17, im sure mentaly i might change as Time goes by, im hoping i don't. But thank you for your views


Thanks everyone for responding

[Fish]

I was of the same mindset when I was your age. I thought it would be more romantic to wait until marriage. Enter college, I broke up with high school boyfriend and met my current boyfriend my junior year of college. He had not planned on waiting for marriage, but he was a virgin (he was waiting for the right person, thank god his 10+ girlfriends in high school were not "right" lol). I was open with him from the beginning of our relationship and he was totally cool with it, he said I was worth waiting for. Such a sweetheart. We experienced sexual things together, but set our boundary at intercourse. We knew we would get married as soon as we could, but we also knew that would be in at least 6 years (to finish college and our graduate degrees). Last year, after we had been dating for 3 years, we reevaluated our decision. It was actually me who brought it up first; of course he was all up for it, haha. Our rationale is that we are going to get married one day, we've done everything else anyway, so why not add sex to the mix? So I got on birth control and we planned out a romantic evening, and we lost our virginity to each other. We are both 23. I'm happy we made the decision to have sex. It has added a whole new dimension to our relationship, we connect on such a deeper level, and I don't feel like it is any less romantic outside of marriage.

So basically what I'm saying is don't wait for waitings sake...if you can think about it clearly (when you're not horny) and take your time with the decision (it's a big one), and have someone special to share it with (most important), then don't write it off. And if you don't find that special someone until you are in a position to get married, and waiting is doable (IE not 6 years away, lol), then wait if that is what you both want!

[needanswer99]

same plateform

I was 26 yrs old when I got first sex after marriage.....but more interestingly my husband 27 and he was virgin....initially i did not believe him but later i thought may be he is right.....
our reasons are almost same what you (Tabs) and mr ocularone presented in this thread.....
i think this is also a good feeling .............
I am happy that I found many people in this forum in diferent threads that they respect everybodies own decision....otherwise I expereinced too much peer pressure to be involved in sex before marriage even I never object their choice of getting sex before marriage...
same with my husband ....according to him he was almost tempted for several times to go for it but suddenly circumtances developed against it.....(so may be he is not virgin mentally before marriage..hahaha)..

I really want to read more views in this regard ....what could be the other reasons if they opt NOT TO GO FOR SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE ????

[rcoreyus]

If intercourse in particular is the important thing to you, you can learn a lot about each other by being sexually active in other ways.

[Texinator]

I'm not in favor of abstaining from premarital sex. Some people find it romantic and consider sex to be a gift they give each other on their wedding night and after.. but what if that gift turns out to be something they want to return?

What if it turns out that one person doesn't want to go beyond missionary sex with the lights out and the other wants to be tied up and have hot wax poured on them? Or one doesn't want to have sex more than once a month and the other at least once a day?

Sex obviously isn't the most important element of a marriage or of any romantic relationship, but it is a very important element nevertheless. A lack of sexual compatibility typically leads to frustration and resentment that carries over into other parts of the relationship.

It's one thing to discover this incompatibility early on in a relationship, but it's quite another to wait all the way until the wedding, have high expectations of the sex that awaits, and only then find out that things aren't going to work in the bedroom.

So for me, personally, whatever romantic thoughts and feelings might be associated with waiting until marriage are nowhere near being worth the risk of finding out about a lack of compatibility when you've already tied the knot. But that's a risk every person needs to assess for themselves.

[kerry-]

Well to those who know me I've a very laid back, hippie attitude on sex (except I'm VERY all for contraception lol) I believe if nobody is getting hurt during the process it's fine. I lost my virginity to someone I wasn't in a relationship with. I'm all for the "love is free" motto, but it's not always like that for people. For those who want to be in love and not "feel" the love so to speak then waiting will be very fulfilling to you.

[Magnetism]

Living in 21st centuray, but i don't know. I'm more in the whole traditional mentality thing. I'm 18, and i'm planning on waiting untill i get married to have sex. i dont mind not having sex, and it don't really bother me if others talk about it, i mean i can't really miss, what i never had? But i was just curious about other peoples views, on my idea of sex before marriage.

Get back to me

Take caree x

I used to be someone who was pro-premarital sex, but I admit I've recently thought about saving myself for marriage. As for not being sure if the person is good in bed or not, I've read that the way how a guy kisses or touches you is an indicator. Who knows....

I think waiting before marriage is more common than some would think. Maybe it's just not talked about as openly. Either way you choose to go pre-marital or after marriage), I don't think anything is wrong with what choice you make. I can see both sides of the argument.

[kira]

I think you should properly explore all aspects of the relationship before marriage rather than waiting until afterward to find out you aren't compatible in some way. Go read the endless threads here and across the internet on mismatched sex drives, cheating, unfulfilled fantasies, etc... Sex is not the entire relationship but it is a very important part which I feel should not be ignored until after you sign a piece of paper. It's probably been a major contributor to more than a few unhappy marriages and divorces.

Also if both people only have sex with each other where do they learn? Sure reading or asking questions on a place like this is somewhat helpful but not the same at all. Porn is very bad for learning how to have sex. This is the other reason sex therapists have a job aside from people getting in to relationships and then realizing their sex lives don't match. You also have to try something to know what you like or dislike. You may not know that you aren't compatible until years later after one person finds they like things the other doesn't. If you've had sex before you go in to a relationship you know what you like and what you never want to do. Much much easier to reach an understanding that way. Personally I made the rule I was never going to so much as date a guy that hadn't first had sex before and 2nd been dumped from a relationship before. There's so much learning involved and so much maturity gained. It makes it far easier to setup a good relationship with them and far more likely to work long term.

Unfortunately time spent dating does not prove the future even if we take sex out of the equation. The people I can name who got divorced the soonest after marriage dated the longest. I know several that were engaged for years and then divorced after months. Also my sister lived with a guy while engaged to him for 2years, had the wedding all planned out, and decided they were not compatible in many ways and he was not a good person to raise her children about 2months before her wedding was to take place. The longest lasting marriages I know the people say it just happened. They met, they got along, they got married, and no issues have ever come up. My marriage has yet to see a year but that's how it came about. I met someone, we started spending all free time together, within months his clothes and stuff moved in to my house, and a couple months after that we got married. I've spent time in longer relationships and never felt the desire to get married to the person. It doesn't take years to get to know someone that well unless they are really good at hiding something or you are really sensitive to little things that might not come to light immediately.

[Magnetism]

If you wait until you are married, you are swearing to live the rest of your life with someone without knowing if you are compatible. It might work out, but I've seen too many cases where it didn't.

What if you interview each other on your sexual likes/dislikes before getting married? That's a way of finding out.

[kira]

Like I just said if you both wait until marriage how do you know your sexual likes or dislikes? You are both clueless and just going on chance that it will work out. Sure that's fine for procreation purposes. Most anyone even if they lack sex ed will eventually get that right. But humans are one of 2 species on this planet that have sex for social reasons and pleasure. It's a need for us and it takes experience to figure out how to fulfill that need and the needs of the other person.