[rcoreyus]

It is difficult to know what you like until you try. Even in general, I think it is hard to guess if you want sex once on month, or once a day. If you like things straight or kinky. I think a lot of people have fantasies that they discover aren't fun in real life.

OTOH, I think it is great if you can talk. If people weren't so shy, they could learn a lot by talking to their partners in a non-judgmental fashion. The problem is most people just can't bring themselves to say "I'd like to dress up as little-bo-peep and have you be my naughty sheep".

What if you interview each other on your sexual likes/dislikes before getting married? That's a way of finding out.

[WildChild]

What if you interview each other on your sexual likes/dislikes before getting married? That's a way of finding out.

Have done this. Doesn't work. Men (or women) will say they are into sex, like variety, blah ,blah, blah and guess what???!!! They aren't and they don't.

[Magnetism]

You're right.

Fantasy is just one thing. You may not like it once you try it.

[Janster]

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT!!!!

And I wish more folks were like that...... GOOD FOR YOU!!

That was my mind-set also. I stayed a virgin until I met my current husband. We were together for 4 years and I'll admit.....I couldn't wait until we were actually married.

My husband has been the only person I've ever been with.

[needanswer99]

this is true

as RCOREYUS SAID:

I think a lot of people have fantasies that they discover aren't fun in real life.

IT IS TRUE AND IT IS MY EXPERIENCE AND i found many of my friends admitted the same........
the thing is, sometimes we are tempted the way other presents it to us...

me and my husband tried some fantasies mentioned in different threads here...and we ended with miserable feeling..haha

it is nobody 's fault...obviously it was our choice......but the way it was presented by any thread writer...we got tempted

......so this is also the one side of fantasies....

[WildChild]

Personally I think sex is very important. If you have a good, connected sexual relationship, you can overlook or work through a lot of other problem areas. If the sex is poor or nonexsistant the entire relationship becomes more strained.

Being with only one person has an advantage I suppose (if you see it that way), in that you have nothing to compare to, you may feel something is missing, you may decide sex isn't all it's cracked up to be, or that you just don't like it, you may think there is something wrong with you - when the problem is actually that two of you don't really know what you are doing, one is sexually disfunctional, or sexually careless. Unless you read and are open to exploring and trying different things, you will be condemed to a life of non or poor sex. But you won't know that is what you have.

It's hard enough to get around all that when you are sexually active. Guess it's the you won't what you are missing if you don't know what you are missing, theory, Seems a waste though.

[rcoreyus]

Of course if you find a fantasy isn't fun, you should drop it an try something else. Fortunately there are also good surprises where people discover they like something they thought they wouldn't.

as RCOREYUS SAID:


IT IS TRUE AND IT IS MY EXPERIENCE AND i found many of my friends admitted the same........
the thing is, sometimes we are tempted the way other presents it to us...

me and my husband tried some fantasies mentioned in different threads here...and we ended with miserable feeling..haha

it is nobody 's fault...obviously it was our choice......but the way it was presented by any thread writer...we got tempted

......so this is also the one side of fantasies....

[coco.matte]

RE: sexual compatibility: What's worse? No Sex or frustration + resentment = divorce?

I'm not in favor of abstaining from premarital sex. Some people find it romantic and consider sex to be a gift they give each other on their wedding night and after.. but what if that gift turns out to be something they want to return?

What if it turns out that one person doesn't want to go beyond missionary sex with the lights out and the other wants to be tied up and have hot wax poured on them? Or one doesn't want to have sex more than once a month and the other at least once a day?

Sex obviously isn't the most important element of a marriage or of any romantic relationship, but it is a very important element nevertheless. A lack of sexual compatibility typically leads to frustration and resentment that carries over into other parts of the relationship.

It's one thing to discover this incompatibility early on in a relationship, but it's quite another to wait all the way until the wedding, have high expectations of the sex that awaits, and only then find out that things aren't going to work in the bedroom.

So for me, personally, whatever romantic thoughts and feelings might be associated with waiting until marriage are nowhere near being worth the risk of finding out about a lack of compatibility when you've already tied the knot. But that's a risk every person needs to assess for themselves.

Tex - Great insight! Unfortunately, I think that when people are in a new relationship, we're often blinded by the shiny happy feelings. We really don't take the time necessary to really get to know each other before we take that leap. We simply don't talk to each other candidly - whether because of embarrassment or fear of rejection -we often just don't ask for what we really want or like in bed. Which is why the divorce rate is over 50%. (The top reasons for divorce are money & sex.) So, You're absolutely right that finding out after the knot is tied is Definitely Not Worth the Risk! I found out the hard way - too late - so, sadly to say, in my other life I was part of that 50%.

A friend turned me onto a site called *removed outbound link* that lets couples find out if they are sexually compatible - it sure worked for me! If I had 2 wishes - one would be that *removed outbound link* had been around 20 years ago and the other would be that everyone used the service & lived happily ever after.

[needanswer99]

u feel good

Jannster!
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT!!!!

And I wish more folks were like that...... GOOD FOR YOU!!

That was my mind-set also. I stayed a virgin until I met my current husband. We were together for 4 years and I'll admit.....I couldn't wait until we were actually married.

My husband has been the only person I've ever been with

.

ya! it is a diferent experience. I am not cirtisizing who do have sex before marriage....all I am saying.... Not to have sex before marriage also a total different pleasant experience and I found many women surrounding me who said "how could u do that" and I enjoy....lols

but I agree SEX is very much a necessity (which I agreed MORE, when I got real sex after marriage..lols) ,..... but this is also true that you can control it till marriage and I think advantage is that u could concentrate on and explore other happy moments of life rather than on sex only..............

[HauteMess]

Obviously it's totally up to you. When it feels right it will be the right time for you. I was 18 when I lost my virginity (the last of my friends, I think). I wasn't against sex at a young age, it just had never felt right with anyone until my current boyfriend. We were not dating at the time and I didn't know if we would be in the future. But I knew that he had feelings for me, he was a nice, old-fashioned GOOD guy and I was completely comfortable.

That was just my gauge on the matter? I know everyone's different.

I know how it feels to have nothing to say when your friends are talking about sex. I was lucky that my friends are an open group and didn't particularly care who was and was not a virgin. Obviously it would still have been nice to be able to contribute to the conversation, but I just wasn't ready for sex yet.
I guess the up-side of this was plenty of tips, tricks and mistakes that I got to hear about and I think I was more confidant going into my first time.

Just stick to what you're comfortable with and remember it is your choice at the end of the day! (if you get really annoyed just do what I did and insist that the next topic of conversation is something you're an expert on!!)
Hope I was a bit of a help!!