[Austin Richards]

I know this is a strange thing to ask but how do you relax because I was only thinking about how stupid I must look because I don't have a clue of what's going on. So I really didn't enjoy it as much as I wish I had. I know it gets better from here tho

As an older guy, I don't know why you ladies are not helping this girl out more. Of course I came into this section because I got distracted when I saw the word SEX instead of looking up HPV vaccination for my girlfriend so she'd know what to do about her daughter. So, I'm a "typical" male with a one track mind.

Anyway sweetie, let me tell you how it REALLY is. All guys want you to think they are more experienced than you are. And of course he is, because he had sex before. But in almost every case, at you guys age, he is still very inexperienced. I had sex a lot until I was really comfortable with it. Yes, I loved it like crazy from day one and did it a lot, but still I had a lot to learn.

So what I am telling you, you don't look stupid to him, you're not awkward, etc. Because you have to understand the drive for a guy is so great, he is really not in this same world with you. Imagine going into a convenience store while there is a robbery and you spilled a coke, and felt stupid about that? No one would notice or care. That's how it is with him.

He also is too concerned how he is doing, looking, etc. So don't feel funny, embarrassed, or stupid. Instead, do what feels good to you. And if it feels good to stand upside down with your toe in a cup of water while you're having sex, then that's his problem to figure out how he is going to please you. IOW, right now you need to realize that YOU are the PRIZE. While it is nice that you are worrying about pleasing him, take my word for it, just being naked is pleasing him enough. Believe me, guys are really simple.

The next thing... having an erection for a long time without getting off. He probably learned like I did that women like guys that last a long time. There are tricks that guys use to last longer. It is really fun for them to get off right away but if they are a type that cares, they know they should wait... and it really is hard for them to do this. It took me a while to learn this but I was able to go for a long time. But here is the problem... after you don't get off for a period of time, it makes it hard to get off. You really have to work very hard to have a climax. I'm sure that is what he was doing.

OK, but here was his second dilemma... you are new and bleeding. I'm sure he doesn't have that much experience, and guys are scared because they know nothing about this. It does cross their mind that you might bleed to death and it will be their fault. He doesn't want to hear that mom and dad had you in the ER most of the night because of something he did. So this is a distraction to him and he is already using distractions to keep from having an orgasm.

For you and anyone reading this, please, ask him things you don't know. A guy wants the girl to learn from him. Ask him why he didn't climax (not this time, but maybe at some other time... this time is over for him), ask him if he liked it, ask, ask, ask. You do this so you will learn.

As far as your next part of doing something kinky... you really are not ready for that yet. I know you want to please him in a big way, but for now put that on the back burner to be used at a later time. You do something kinky if you are bored, or you "have a kink." If you have a kink, you won't be asking for ideas as you know specifically how you want this kink to work. Ditto for him. Just take it to heart that you didn't do anything to keep him from climax as this is his problem to deal with.

Don't act like the goal is to get him off at this point. Right now you just need to be worried about yourself and keep telling him to go easy if something is hurting or happening too fast. Keep in mind that he probably will overreact to anything you tell him not to do, so reassure him that you were "specifically" talking about that one thing and everything else is just fine. Keep in mind that this is the same kid that 10 years ago was probably throwing rocks at you on the playground and now that he learned a girl is breakable you need to teach him what to break and what not to break.

[maverick]

I know this is a strange thing to ask but how do you relax because I was only thinking about how stupid I must look because I don't have a clue of what's going on. So I really didn't enjoy it as much as I wish I had. I know it gets better from here tho

Rach,

First, your need not worry about looking stupid. You are young and naked. That means you look smokin' hot, not stupid (especially to a guy). The first time is always awkard and young guys are no more knowledgable than young women. Bleeding is not at all uncommon the first time or even the first few times. That will go away once your hymen heals. And you are correct in that it gets better from here. I'm not sure that "relax" is exactly the right word. Maybe "don't be anxious" is a better term. You said that you were really tight after you dried off, this probably means that you need a bit of lube. Both Astroglide and KY make some liquid lubes that are sold at the drug store, usually near the condoms. Get a small bottle of this and apply it if you feel dry. (You can lube him easier than you can lube yourself and he will enjoy this too.) Over time you will learn what feels good to you. Pursue it and enjoy it!

Mav

[Venera]

I lost my virginity last week, and first time I bled a lot. Later I bled less but it didn't stop until now. I was bleeding almost for a week. When I did it with my boyfriend, he didn't insert too deep but still, I felt the pain and I even cried out because of it. He stopped immediately, and I started bleeding a lot. I didn't feel any pleasure though, and I think I messed up everything for him. He said that he didn't torn my hymen completely.
Is there any possibility that I would bleed next time again? can I still be a "virgin" in a way that next time I might have pain again?

[maverick]

Is there any possibility that I would bleed next time again? can I still be a "virgin" in a way that next time I might have pain again?

If there is such a thing as a "partial virgin" then yes, you may have pain and bleeding again. I never actually saw a picture of a hymen until recently. I always assumed that it was some kind of membrane that totally blocked the vagina. Wrong! Hymens, like all girl parts vary from person to person. A hymen is a little clump of tissue that protrudes from the bottom (when you are on your back) of the vagina. Depending on the woman the hymen size varies. It can be almost non-existant to large enough to almost totally block the vagina. In extreme cases surgery can be required to make sex possible. But, in most cases, it is of moderate size and is delicate enough to be torn during intercourse. Once it is torn, it is no longer in the way. But it does have to heal. Once it heals a bit of scar tissue forms and there is no pain thereafter.

During this time, lube is your friend. Get a small bottle of Astroglide or KY (most prefer the liquid) and put a bit on your labia and a generous amount on his penis before penetration. If you are using condoms (and you should be) make sure that the lube is compatible with latex. You can research easily this on-line. Lube is available at any drug or big box store and is usually displayed next to the condoms or female products.

Good luck and be safe!

Mav

[Venera]

If there is such a thing as a "partial virgin" then yes, you may have pain and bleeding again. I never actually saw a picture of a hymen until recently.

Thank you for your respond.

Another question, you said you saw hymen..is it located in an internal side or external? because I read it that it's located in external and therefore is easy to be torn.

P.S. Sorry for this kind of question.

[amaranthine]

I would caution you against using lube while you are healing, especially the warming kind. Blood means an open wound, and the lube may cause stinging or worse pain until the tear is healed. I know this much from experience. I haven't been a virgin for over a year, but my body still finds ways to tear and cut, and lube only irritates them, at least for me.
It's possible that your hymen is just larger than others and is taking longer to heal, but you might also have something similar to my issue... maybe you're small and he's big, and that'll be something to work with for a while until you're comfortable.

[Venera]

I would caution you against using lube while you are healing, especially the warming kind. Blood means an open wound, and the lube may cause stinging or worse pain until the tear is healed. I know this much from experience. I haven't been a virgin for over a year, but my body still finds ways to tear and cut, and lube only irritates them, at least for me.
It's possible that your hymen is just larger than others and is taking longer to heal, but you might also have something similar to my issue... maybe you're small and he's big, and that'll be something to work with for a while until you're comfortable.

I didn't know about lube until recently. Do you use it only not to be dry or are there any other benefits? because when I'm around him, and he (often) tries his seductions on me, I get wet.

[amaranthine]

If you get wet already, there is no need for lube. Natural lubrication is the best kind.
If you find that you dry out midway during sex, lube can help, but again, I wouldn't use it while you're healing.

Some lubes have other sensations other than wetness. Some cause warming, and others (like Intense and Yours and Mine) supposedly increase the pleasure you get from orgasms. I don't know if they actually do; I've never used them.
If you're going to try a lube, I suggest starting with a water-based one that doesn't do anything extra.

[Venera]

Thank you for the information. That was really helpful

[maverick]

Thank you for your respond.

Another question, you said you saw hymen..is it located in an internal side or external? because I read it that it's located in external and therefore is easy to be torn.

P.S. Sorry for this kind of question.

The hymen is actually right at the entrance to the vagina. Technically, external to the vagina is correct.