[dude123]

Hi everyone, i am completely new to this, and i am mostly asking women for feedback on my marital sex issues.

Backround Me and wife both 28 yrs old, me 6' tall, her 5'10"

Me and my wife met in high school, at 15yr old, stole her from her boyfriend at the time, (yes she was my first and is still the only women i have been with, she had been with 1 other.) However she was sexually assaulted as a child at age 8 (yes that had caused some problem with sex at first until she trusted me fully when we were younger. Despite that we were still intimate almost on an every other day basis.

We dated till we were 20, moved in together for 2yrs got married and had first child at 22, second child 4-1/2 yrs later. Ever since our first child was born 5yrs ago my wife's interest in sex has declined to about 2x month if that. Added note i also know she is not happy with her post pregnancy body, she was about 160 before and is now around 215. (I still find her highly attractive, but she does not believe that.) Now i work as a civil engineer and she is LPN. i work day shift, she works second to save on babysitters (not alot of time to see each other).

I am also the type of husband who takes care of alot of the household responsability, such as paying bills, laundry, cleaning bathrooms, cooking dinner, and everything associated with caring for our 2 kids.

Our usual sexual scenario is i stay awake till she gets home around 12:30 p.m. stay awake till she wants to go to bed, i usually rub her back, massage her legs, play with her hair, gently start light kissing and petting (all this is always neccessary to turn her on so to speak) and we gradually move forward into intercourse. However we do have sex toys, board games, the kama sutra books, and so on.

The massaging all the time is really starting to annoy me. because of my work on computer and pushing 30 and history of bad arthritis in my family it is becoming difficult for me( even typing this hurts a little). I am honestly starting to believe she simply is not attracted to me anymore, i was around 185 when we met now about 215 myself. I have talked to her about this and she says that not it. It is just she does not feel Horney for lack of a better word.

She has already talked to family doctor and gynecologist and according to their tests of her hormones, they say she should be raging to go!. I have tried setting the mood so to speak with candles and other things, i have ran her bath for her and bathed her, massaged her after and still got turned away. (yeah i was not happy that night).

So i am looking for a womens opinion on this. (men can help too.)

I think its a shame that a woman can just say she has no sex drive. Thats selfish why did she get married to someone she doesnt wanna have sex with. I dont know many men who turn down sex, it is def a womens thing for the most part. Maybe theres a small percentage of men but im sure its miniscule. Women Just get whatever they want these days, god forbid they make there man happy once in a while. I mean really when u stop to think about it, even if they have a low sex drive what is it they really have to do. They have to lay in bed with the man they love and have sex, eventually theyll prob feel really good from it. So gimme a break, even with a low sex drive man or woman should have sex with their partner. Sure go to a dr to get it diagnosed but really what is this hardship they have to endure? Lay down in bed with ur spouse and do it. Do these low sex drive people not remember that sex usual;ly ends in an orgasm which is the best feeling on earth? They dont remember that that is how sex ends? I just dont get it.

[Faerunner]

I think its a shame that a woman can just say she has no sex drive. Thats selfish why did she get married to someone she doesnt wanna have sex with. I dont know many men who turn down sex, it is def a womens thing for the most part. Maybe theres a small percentage of men but im sure its miniscule. Women Just get whatever they want these days, god forbid they make there man happy once in a while. I mean really when u stop to think about it, even if they have a low sex drive what is it they really have to do. They have to lay in bed with the man they love and have sex, eventually theyll prob feel really good from it. So gimme a break, even with a low sex drive man or woman should have sex with their partner. Sure go to a dr to get it diagnosed but really what is this hardship they have to endure? Lay down in bed with ur spouse and do it. Do these low sex drive people not remember that sex usual;ly ends in an orgasm which is the best feeling on earth? They dont remember that that is how sex ends? I just dont get it.

I hope that you don't have a girlfriend/wife/fiancee, or that you're trolling.

[dude123]

I hope that you don't have a girlfriend/wife/fiancee, or that you're trolling.

i have a long term girlfriend and i relate to the writer of the post, i just feel its ridiculous cuz all u gotta do is go in bed and do it for a lil while and at the end u have an orgasm. Thats a very good outcome. Even if ur not in the mood, what is it that u have to force yourself to do? Get undressed, do it, then feel great at the end. it's selfish to marry someone then never sleep with them. Its not like she has to dig a ditch or climb a mountain or something crazy. She has to take some clothes off and roll around with a dude she loves for 10-15 mins once in a while. im not a mysogynist i just see it like it is. That is not some hardship this woman has to go thru. Its not like sex is an allergy that makes her wanna throw up. She just isnt in the mood and refuses to try to get in the mood. Thats not right whether its a man doing that or a woman.

[Faerunner]

I read your thread, now I understand better where you're coming from. I still don't think you quite "get" it... but at least now I can see your side of things. Yeah, it's not hard to get undressed and lay there, but it's far less enjoyable and if women feel pressured for sex they're gonna hold it against you later. Even the best loving my man can give won't make me orgasm if I'm not in the mood. I try not to hold it against him if I'm not in the mood and he is, but it's not exactly a breeze laying there and thinking that he probably hates me for being so 'cold' and for not wanting him, or feels inadequate because I'm not in the mood and won't orgasm. I don't think I could -not- feel guilty, even if I enjoy the sex, because I didn't feel like having it and only started it to make him happy. And that's just bad for the relationship as a whole, because if I feel guilty in the bedroom I'm going to take it out on him later.

Compromise in the bedroom is one thing - "I feel tired, but I'll stay up because I want to keep our relationship intimate, I love you and I want to make you happy." Feeling pressured or forced is another - "I'm tired and feel totally un-sexy, but you won't let me sleep so I'll roll over and let you have your way for 10 minutes, so I can have some peace." You have to know where the line is, or else "rolling over and enjoying it" can become "rolling over and gritting your teeth".

[dude123]

I read your thread, now I understand better where you're coming from. I still don't think you quite "get" it... but at least now I can see your side of things. Yeah, it's not hard to get undressed and lay there, but it's far less enjoyable and if women feel pressured for sex they're gonna hold it against you later. Even the best loving my man can give won't make me orgasm if I'm not in the mood. I try not to hold it against him if I'm not in the mood and he is, but it's not exactly a breeze laying there and thinking that he probably hates me for being so 'cold' and for not wanting him, or feels inadequate because I'm not in the mood and won't orgasm. I don't think I could -not- feel guilty, even if I enjoy the sex, because I didn't feel like having it and only started it to make him happy. And that's just bad for the relationship as a whole, because if I feel guilty in the bedroom I'm going to take it out on him later.

Compromise in the bedroom is one thing - "I feel tired, but I'll stay up because I want to keep our relationship intimate, I love you and I want to make you happy." Feeling pressured or forced is another - "I'm tired and feel totally un-sexy, but you won't let me sleep so I'll roll over and let you have your way for 10 minutes, so I can have some peace." You have to know where the line is, or else "rolling over and enjoying it" can become "rolling over and gritting your teeth".

I see what your saying, as i guy i just dont get how a woman can feel like that i guess. Me im always ready to go, and if not i convince myself i am.

[Faerunner]

Yeah women are really hard creatures to understand, and I say this as a woman I barely understood why I didn't want sex myself. The last few months I actually sat down and told my guy that I -wanted- to want sex, but I couldn't get up the motivation to actually do it because I was so frustrated by not wanting it, and couldn't initiate at all. He had to initiate, and even then it was hard for me to get going and enjoy it. Only this week we had sex for the first time in MONTHS without needing extra lube, because the birth control I was on was making me dry as well as screwing with my sex drive... even when I wanted it, I felt guilty that my body wasn't responding. He's suddenly a lot happier, too...

dyunysus' wife may feel similar. Hormone levels don't always reflect the body's real capacity to do something, and mental stress, etc can really make messes of your sex drive and functions. For whatever reason guys don't seem to have such easily-imbalanced sexual urges, and so it's hard to understand why the other side does/doesn't always want sex.

[cuff]

I don't agree with the laying there going through the motions thing. But I do think it's incredibly selfish for a woman that knows her libido has dropped and does not investigate it.

[dyunysus]

update

Hi,everyone sorry to not to update, but not much can happen during that one week a month, well basically, we have discussed our problems, but have come to no solutions. It is still basically, i'm in the mood, she is not. I seriously don;t know what to do about that. All i know is my right hand is getting tired. . I wonder how long this will take to resolve, or if it ever will?

[dyunysus]

wow what a solution!

Hi there all, just thought i would give you all the good news. Last night was incredible. I was woken up at about 2a.m. by my wife, and when i say woken up i mean in the good way. Honestly she practically r***ed me! Unbelievable, we hot the hottest lovemaking session in years, and in every way possible. Well enough bragging, now to tell you how this happened.

through my massive search of the net i came across a you tube video called nymphomaniac wife.

this is not one of those sex experts promising he can fix your sex life. in fact he makes it very clear that it is totally up to you. But here is the jist of it. You read through the webpage and find a link to purchase an e-book . the book is called: “How To Turn Your Wife Into A Nymphomaniac”.

The book basically explains why women do not react to stimulus the same way men do and it explains in simple to understand language (i.e. for men) what women are really expecting from their husband, and the things we (men) do subconciously in how we speak and treat her, that turn our wives off. in other words we are the ones killing her sex drive! (suprised, well it suprised the out of me too.) Also how to imbed in our minds the changes neccessary to make you and your wife happy.

Wives if your reading this and you are missing that spark, and i mean the feeling of being completely loved by your man, and not just his sex object, you should get this and give him a printed copy!

Lets just say i bought the book, took 2 days to read it. ( i read it twice) Implemented the changes and it took less than 72 hrs and walla! Not only did she come home from work after being up all day and working 8hrs 2nd shift, and basically took me. THAT RIGHT she came after me. Wouldn't that be nice guys? Not having to guess any more?

Trust the voice of experience take the first step, read the book, apply it, and ENJOY!

PS: WE HAVE ALSO HAD SEX TWICE TODAY TOO.

see ya later, signed one happy husband

[Texasred]

OK, this sounds like a happy ending but...
I've got to wonder: was this whole thread just one long infomercial for that book?
Pardon me for my cynicism if I'm wrong, and best wishes for both of you.
It does sound like a storybook ending though, doesn't it?
And those only come in fairytales.