Well I am very glad you responded, as it does give a view point from you that seems quite less obsessive. I get what you're saying, no one wants to be lied to. Some women think it's a turn on to guys to think they're the "first" at one thing or another. 1. MAYBE you are the first or 2. Maybe she thinks that will make you feel good if she says it, even if it's not true or 3. She's a downright dirty scoundrel of a liar. And I'm PRETTY sure considering you married her and have remained with her for 20 years, number 3 is false. 
Please know that this is not from a womans perspective. There are LOTS of women who have been married for years and have never tried anal. Her reaction to the experience with you seemed consistent with the way you describe her personality. She didn't make a big deal of it, and that was that. I've done it, and I don't recall making a big deal of it either, and certainly wouldn't have even CONSIDERED telling my fella the dirty details that came along after it. To him I made it look like "no big deal". Because that's what we women do alot of times to keep from taking away from your enjoyment. Same with oral, gagging in front of you? Well, some women would look at that like "this is part of him, and I don't want to gag in front of him because it will take away from his enjoyment". There have been times I've done EVERYTHING possible to keep from gagging because I didn't want to make the guy feel bad. And her asking you to do it in her mouth? You don't think it's possible a guy has never done that before? Sure it's possible. It's also possible that she has heard that guys like to be asked to do that...and perhaps she is saying that to make you more excited?
Just tell her nicely that you don't care if you're her first at this or that....and you'd really rather not focus on that. She needs to understand that by her saying those things, it causes you to then over analyze every move she makes to determine whether or not she's telling the truth.
You willingly talked to her about your past, she gave you a hard time about it (almost 20 years ago I assume). But just because you told her about yours, doesn't mean she's required to tell you hers. And even though you told her your past doesn't mean you told her the truth...so realistically, she could be doing the same thing to you, "I remember you said bla bla bla happened with your ex #2 but when we just had sex a few minutes ago you did bla bla bla that proves that wasn't true!!!!" Sort of sounds silly coming from that perspective huh?
Leave it alone.....no detective, no lawyer, no expert on sex, not ANYONE including yourself is going to be able to prove your suspicions. They may be true, they may be false, they may be nowhere near what ACTUALLY happened, they may be exactly what happened............ but you love her, she clearly wants to make you happy....so let the past be just that.
Please know that this is not from a womans perspective. There are LOTS of women who have been married for years and have never tried anal. Her reaction to the experience with you seemed consistent with the way you describe her personality. She didn't make a big deal of it, and that was that. I've done it, and I don't recall making a big deal of it either, and certainly wouldn't have even CONSIDERED telling my fella the dirty details that came along after it. To him I made it look like "no big deal". Because that's what we women do alot of times to keep from taking away from your enjoyment. Same with oral, gagging in front of you? Well, some women would look at that like "this is part of him, and I don't want to gag in front of him because it will take away from his enjoyment". There have been times I've done EVERYTHING possible to keep from gagging because I didn't want to make the guy feel bad. And her asking you to do it in her mouth? You don't think it's possible a guy has never done that before? Sure it's possible. It's also possible that she has heard that guys like to be asked to do that...and perhaps she is saying that to make you more excited?
Just tell her nicely that you don't care if you're her first at this or that....and you'd really rather not focus on that. She needs to understand that by her saying those things, it causes you to then over analyze every move she makes to determine whether or not she's telling the truth.
You willingly talked to her about your past, she gave you a hard time about it (almost 20 years ago I assume). But just because you told her about yours, doesn't mean she's required to tell you hers. And even though you told her your past doesn't mean you told her the truth...so realistically, she could be doing the same thing to you, "I remember you said bla bla bla happened with your ex #2 but when we just had sex a few minutes ago you did bla bla bla that proves that wasn't true!!!!" Sort of sounds silly coming from that perspective huh?
Leave it alone.....no detective, no lawyer, no expert on sex, not ANYONE including yourself is going to be able to prove your suspicions. They may be true, they may be false, they may be nowhere near what ACTUALLY happened, they may be exactly what happened............ but you love her, she clearly wants to make you happy....so let the past be just that.
She is a good wife and I really have no need to complain other than the three points I mentioned.
Yes, she did badger me even up until we married 10 years ago. It really was a work in progress to finally marry her, because I thought the badgering would never stop.
I think she did it because she felt I would always keep her as a "lady in waiting".
You are very right about your analylisis of the "oral in the mouth" subject and the anal.
It could have, maybe did, maybe didn't.
She is a very honest person, will return .25 Cents to a store 10 miles away if she is undercharged (I kid you not, she's done it.)
She just won't I feel level about sex and her experiences.
I do feel that more transpired when she was 13.
Not sure what but it was obviously abusive in nature, anytime a married man of say 35 is having a relationship with someone 13.
How far did it go, who knows? I'm not sure, but probably farther than she admits to.
What I guess bothered me was a few years ago (3-4) the subject came up through a casual conversation which she initiated saying something like "you know about that guy when I was 13" and I responded "yes, and he was a child molester" to which she responded (by now in tears) "he was not, I loved him".
I guess even 30 years later she could not separate truth from reality.
Lastly, I guess, I have to tell you one other detail about her and oral sex.
Before we married (oh, to clarify from your post, we have been together 20 years, but only married 10) we went out one night and she got hammered pretty good.
I tricked her while she was passed out by asking her a question about having done oral before. I did this as we had been together for almost 10 years and she has always denied even having ever given him a BJ.
She was so smashed, she responded "yes but not all the time" and then I asked about the "cum in th mouth" issue and she responded "I was married to him, what do you think".
Within a minute or so, she realized this and all broke loose from her end.
In any case, next day we patched it up and a couple of years later married. No more outburst since from eithe rof us.
Wasn't a nice thing to do, it wasn't premeditated, but I had to know (I knew) but had to hear her say it, as for all those years she had even denied that.
So, now you know where I am comming from.
I really do thank you for your time with this and you have helped much.
I really do love her and we have a beautiful children together. I would do anything for her and never intentionally hurt her.
Lastly, I promise, may I have your take on that relationship (I say relationship as it lasted several months and she says she was in his home at least every other day after school) with the 35 year old married man she professed to having been in love with, not that a child at 13 knows what real love is.
What is your take? Do you think there was more involved than what was divulged?
Thank you again!
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