[jns]

Olympia, I am not making any judgments. I was interested in understanding your comment.

Background: My wife is Thai, I am American. We got married in Thailand. I brought her to the US on a relative visa. I travel to Thailand and Southeast Asia usually once or twice a year. I am not extremely fluent in Thai, but am passable, the result of taking language lessons for 10 years. I can hold a small talk conversation in Thai for more than an hour. I eat the local food, sleep in local accommodations and travel as locals. I usually stay with my wife's family and eat what they eat. I have helped with the rice harvest using a sickle. I can joke in Thai.

I have studied Thai, Lao, Burman and Khmer history and to a lesser extent Chinese and Viet history. I have traveled to all those countries except China. What I have found is that the people in Southeast Asia are very similar to the people of the US in many ways. They have many of the same hopes and dreams. Further, I work with people from many countries, all of whom have become US citizens. I can talk with Filipino friends about food and find similarities between their food and Thai food, often because of similar or the same fruits and vegetables.

I am sure that with more contact between more people of different backgrounds, the similarities between peoples will become highlighted.

[WildChild]

We are each the sum of our life experiences and how we have handled them and learned from them. The woman you love would not be the same person if she had different experiences. All that should matter is if you love the woman she is now. Try to be grateful to her past for creating who she is.

She comes from a culture (and American/European culture holds this too) where women are negatively judged for their sexuality. Realize it or not, you are doing it. Maybe she did love that 35 yr old. My grandparents were considered a very good match, she was 16, he was 35, she loved him and didn't remarry for many years after he died. You don't know and you may never know. Truth is she may not know because her truth now is not the same as her truth then. The real question is why does it matter so much to you after so much time?

[JadedQueen]

It sounds to me like you do know a lot about her past. I have never gone into that much detail with a boyfriend/husband about previous relationships, nor has anyone wanted such detail. Most of the info that I or people that I have been with wanted to really know is basic stuff like
how long were you with them? was it serious? why did you break up?

You guys have been together for 20 years.... does it matter? SERIOUSLY??? If the answer to your questions are something you don't want to hear, are you going to end the relationship over it?

Seriously, get over it and be happy with your wife. It sound like you have a decent relationship and the only problem with it is your doubts/questions that have nothing to do with your relationship with your wife. KEY WORD.... your relationship with your wife. Concentrate on that instead of all her past relationships that were well over 20 years ago. That stuff is ancient history and has been for a long time. GET OVER IT!

[Lilly92]

Wife_Lover:
This is my first post here, but I am in agreement with a number of the other posts. Why does her past matter so much to you, be happy you are together. It might be painful for her to talk about her experiences due to cultural differences and all. Would learning every detail from her past make a difference? If so how? You're lucky to have someone, I wish I did.