nortwestrain: I feel that you are describing my wife. To a T. I've dealt with these issues for the past 25 years. Here's what I suggest, based on my experience. Before you get engaged, before you marry, tell her that she has some learning to do about herself before you will become engaged (or married, at the latest). Tell her that she needs to get an understanding about her needs and her body. She needs to learn for herself what turns her on, and how to stimulate herself to orgasm, learn what stimulation she likes best. How will she ever be able to guide you when she herself doesn't know what she likes? This would include her getting over her sexual hangups and becoming a much sexually freer, and IMO, a much happier, person. Either outcome is good for both of you. Either she discovers herself and both of you can be sexual, open, honest, and communicate about your needs, which is very important in a relationship. Or, she can't, which frees you and her to find somebody that is more sexually compatible with each of you. Either way it's a win-win. Sounds bad because you love her so much. But it's honest, and the truth, about what each of your needs are. Tell her that you want her to do this for herself because you love her. That you can't marry now with these issues because you love her.
My wife was this way until I finally made an ultimatum. See, I have 25 years invested, with three beautiful children, and I do love her, so in my situation I feel that I need to salvage this and basically start over with her sexually. Right now she's like a 20 year old, or 17 even, that doesn't know anything sexually. (and, in my secret, honest, opinion, I don't think she wants to, but I'll cross that bridge when we get to it if she finally admits she can't do this) We're working on things now that we should have figured out in our early 20s.
I wish you the best of luck. But don't make it luck. Do your best to know exactly what you are getting into before you get married. It will save you decades of rejection and heartache.
My wife was this way until I finally made an ultimatum. See, I have 25 years invested, with three beautiful children, and I do love her, so in my situation I feel that I need to salvage this and basically start over with her sexually. Right now she's like a 20 year old, or 17 even, that doesn't know anything sexually. (and, in my secret, honest, opinion, I don't think she wants to, but I'll cross that bridge when we get to it if she finally admits she can't do this) We're working on things now that we should have figured out in our early 20s.
I wish you the best of luck. But don't make it luck. Do your best to know exactly what you are getting into before you get married. It will save you decades of rejection and heartache.
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