[Hopeless Dork]

Oh I meant one orgasm a month doesn't seem at all normal or healthy for a man his age... many guys that age need one or 2 a day or at least one every other day :S if you are really positive he's not masturbating a physical should really be in order.

[Beckers]

okay, I'll express that to him in hopes that when he goes for his physical he asks some questions to his doctor about his sex drive. Thank you! =]

[Beckers]

I found out what the problem is and it's not his sex drive. It turns out that his sex drive is a lot healthier than he's leading on, it's just that his beliefs make him feel guilty for having sex before marriage. Even though we have the same religion, it doesn't affect me as much. Soooo yeah. Thanks for the advice, but it's not what we thought the problem was.

[rcoreyus]

OK at least you understand the reasons.

This could be a good lead in to discuss other beliefs. It is worth being sure that your views of religion are compatible on other issues.

[Beckers]

yeah. We discussed religion many times in the past, but basically the guilt is getting to him, and he wanted to tell me sooner, but knowing how much i love having sex with him, he knew it was going to be difficult. But now I know, and it's better than thinking he just doesn't like having sex, because thats def not true.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Before me, he had been with 4 girlfriends, and had sex once, twice or not at all with each one. Keep in mind 2 of those relationships lasted for years and all of them ended badly. I'm the only girl who is with him because of him and not for my own agenda which I find to be extremely sad

.


When you wrote that, it was clear that he either felt in-adequate or moralistic but this is something you do talk about from get go, or your ego will be bruised.

I would ask him therefore, why he still had sex at least once with his previous girlfriends and off course you and what he thinks about masterbation, himself and also why therefore, you both can't use "non penetration" but enjoy each other's bodies frequently as that is not a sin...

Perhaps you can open other avenues, or otherwise, your stuck then pretty much for quite a few months sexless aren't you?

CW

[Beckers]

As he put it, he's not on the right path with God right now, and he needs to get back on it. When I first met him, ideally he should've explained that he didn't want to have sex before marriage, but at the time we were so into each other he couldn't help it. And he felt that he would've turned me away if he had said that during our first dates.

He does believe in "non penetration" sex, so I might be willing to stop having intercourse until we're married because we'll still be active. The problem is we're still in college and we both believe in getting married once we're stable with our careers, and who knows when that will be?! I can't promise him that I'm willing to wait up to 6,7,8 years, not having intercourse! My faith isn't as strong as his, and I'm working on that, but I don't know if I'm ready to stop having that in my life.

We've been having sex for over 2 years. To me, it's a little late to pull the breaks on it.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

We've been having sex for over 2 years. To me, it's a little late to pull the breaks on it.

I totally agree and he has to be careful or else he will lose you.

It would be interesting to establish "why" he feels he's not on the right path with God...

There must be other factors, that is waying him down to feel this way I think.

It may have nothing to do with you, or your relationship, or it may but communication needs to be had more I think.

CW

[Beckers]

I completely agree with what you're saying.
I know that we are strong enough that we won't break up over this issue, but I feel like it could make us stale.
We've always been passionate, and taking intercourse away will definitely affect us both. It will strengthen our faith, but it may damage our relationship.
Even if we continue non-penetration sex, it won't be the same.
However, we are planning on getting married in the future, so knowing there is a time limit would make it worth it I believe.

The only factors causing him to feel this way, is his faith and his family. His father is a pastor who has his own church/ministry. His father wants him to take over the church, but he decided to go to college and follow his own dreams instead. His father makes him feel guilty for that decision every time they talk.

It makes perfect sense to me and him, why he feels so guilty and why he wants to do this. There's so much I know about him and his relationship with his family that makes this understandable, you guys will just have to believe me that this isn't happening because of a lack of communication between us. Also, he isn't pressuring me to do anything, he simply expressed how he feels about it. He said that we would only stop having sex if we both decided to stop and follow our faith.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

It makes perfect sense to me and him, why he feels so guilty and why he wants to do this. There's so much I know about him and his relationship with his family that makes this understandable, you guys will just have to believe me that this isn't happening because of a lack of communication between us. Also, he isn't pressuring me to do anything, he simply expressed how he feels about it. He said that we would only stop having sex if we both decided to stop and follow our faith

Nup, it's happening because of your ability to communicate

Now that you have explained his parents background it makes a lot more sense as well.

Seems you have a good man there with good intentions and honour...

Wishing you all the best with it all, have patients and find the ways in which it can work for both of you.

CW