[stressed]

OP: try masturbating him for a while, then quitting, then for a while again, then quitting again. In between he can be pleasing you. Repeat. Never let him get as far as he has been getting in the first few sessions. About the fourth or fifth time of masturbating him don't stop unless he climaxes or can't stand it any more. Repeat the whole sequence if needed. You are trying to get him to respond to your touch. The first sessions are to get him more sensitive to your touch.

I like this post. I'm also going through the same problem (which I do believe is a result of past frequent masturbation) but I'm going to try this. Nice post, congrats.

[Guest]

As mentioned before, it could be that he is relieving himself a bit too often. Ask him/tell him that you don't want him to do this as you enjoy a man squirting and would like to have all the fluid yourself, and to save it for you. When you are stroking him, do watch his penis all the time. Don't try to relieve him while you are watching your favourite tv program. My partner plays with me while watching tv, but when she wants me to come she puts he head down on my stomach so that she can see the load delivered in full. Also, say nice things about his genitals. Tell him he's very hard, his balls are full and you can see that he needs release.

[Guest]

Forgot to add. One of the previous ladies said that she didn't like a man's semen. This is something guys don't want to hear. My advice is if you are inexperienced, tell him as a woman you are fascinated by ejaculations and would love to see him squirt. If you're experienced, tell him you love to see a man come as you like the fluid, or if you don't like the fluid, tell him you like to see him come as it's a sign he's satisfied. The point is, he needs to know that you won't turn away in horror at the release. This used to be a problem for me as some ex-partners didn't like the mess.

[Anon_1990]

I don't mind my own mess. My ex liked to make me happy so didn't mind either!

[stressed]

The point is, he needs to know that you won't turn away in horror at the release. This used to be a problem for me as some ex-partners didn't like the mess.

This is an excellent point. This made me realize why my boyfriend used to ask a lot if I liked "the mess" or if I was "okay with it". I found it a bit odd, as I've never been bothered by it, but now I understand such insecurities. Thanks for the input.

I don't think it will technically improve much in my case, but encouraging him in this sense is at least a good thing to do. I'm afraid mine has just overused himself in the past and now it's too late to change it, but it's worth trying. Telling him not to masturbate didn't have a result either, so, well, I can't do much more about it.

[Guest]

Glad to be of help. You'll realise from me that you'll get very open answers. Hope it helps everyone.

[Hopeless Dork]

I was reading something recently about a situation nicknamed 'porn creep' where some guys become so use to masturbation and porn as a sexual release that it becomes mentally and physically impossible for them to either become aroused, stay aroused and/or ejaculate with the specific stimulation they've trained their bodies to respond to. And sexual relations with a real live human being are difficult to impossible until they change their methods and responses.

If your guy is having trouble ejaculating with you my first guess would be nerves, anxiety, not fully comfortable enough to let go...

- He may fear your getting pregnant, even if you're on bc sometimes guys are so anxious about getting a girl pregnant it effects performance.

- He may fear your reaction to it, if its oral or manual sex, he may worry you won't like the taste, texture, or it would gross you out etc.. so like thomas said its good to let him know how much you really do want to experience, make him feel safe in that.

It could also be that technically you are not doing the specific things he needs to orgasm, maybe he has a specific move that needs to take place (has trained his body to come a certain way) and he's too embarassed to show you, or feels like he doesn't want to look a gift horse in the mouth and tell you to do something else than you are already doing. Doesn't want to seem bossy, or unhappy with what you currently do, etc.

If he masturbates frequently as has ejaculated recently to when you are trying to pleasure him... its going to be 1. physically harder for him to have that second orgasm. Add anxiety to that physical difficulty and .... it will be a no-go.

Being open with him about masturbation in a non attacking way , more curiousity than accusations may clue you into his drive, his habits and perhaps will allow you the opportunity to request he 'save himself' for you on a special night.. if he does it every day ask him to skip the day before and day of you are to see him... this will put his body in a much more 'needy' state and make the chances for positive results higher.

[redbull]

I will never understand why a man would choose masterbation over the real thing?...SMH...Never understand it

We don't, not most of the time. These interpretations might be right occasionally. But, believe it or not, guys really like to have sex. If they're watching porn or masturbating but not having sex with their partners that's usually part of a much bigger problem. If that was the problem they would quickly self correct the problem by not masturbating and holding out for sex. At the very least they're actively choosing not to have sex with their partners and masturbating to release because of a problem in the relationship. At worst it's due to some kind of medical or psychological problem they're embarrassed about. But a guy who's in a healthy relationship with no medical or psychological problems isn't just going to say

"Oh hey honey, sorry but I already masturbated today so I'm going to turn down the real thing". And they definitely wouldn't keep up that behavior. They would learn very quickly not to do that again and lose out on sex. I'm sorry, but "He's just masturbating too much so he's draining himself and not being able to have sex" on a continuous basis is ridiculous and wrong. There's much more to it than that.

The reason he can't come might be fear of intimacy of any number of things. But masturbating too much usually won't be one of them. I know what I'm talking about too. I'm about to go into my 4th years of University minoring in psychology. That doesn't make me an expert by any means, but it also doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about.

[stressed]

But a guy who's in a healthy relationship with no medical or psychological problems isn't just going to say

"Oh hey honey, sorry but I already masturbated today so I'm going to turn down the real thing". And they definitely wouldn't keep up that behavior. They would learn very quickly not to do that again and lose out on sex. I'm sorry, but "He's just masturbating too much so he's draining himself and not being able to have sex" on a continuous basis is ridiculous and wrong. There's much more to it than that.

But they do. Just spend half an hour to browse our threads. Do all these guys have serious psychological or medical problems? All of them? There are women who do that too. Wouldn't you agree that a man who hasn't masturbated in 4 days would want sex more than someone who has been masturbating 3 times a day, every day? I don't feel the same need if I masturbate daily than when I don't for a whole week and I don't even have testicles.

The reason he can't come might be fear of intimacy of any number of things. But masturbating too much usually won't be one of them.

So, if I man is used to ejaculating only in a certain way by using his hand, because that's what he does every day, that does not affect his ejaculation with his partner in any way at all. It doesn't affect his nerves, or his attitude, it's only because of a serious issue going on in the relationship. Hmmm... I disagree.

[Hopeless Dork]

I'm about to go into my 4th years of University minoring in psychology. That doesn't make me an expert by any means, but it also doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about.

How old are their textbooks? How porn affects sexuality is now being seen on a much larger scale than ever before with its ease of access on the internet.

Guys use to have to use their imaginations a whole lot more, masturbate to various materials that weren't their specific sexual object of choice, but what was available -- underwear catalog, some hot lady on tv, etc..with the occasional porno mag or movie (that didn't get much use as the VCR was in the family room, etc) It was way more common to masturbate about someone they know, a real person with feelings that would be harder to view as purely an object, some emotions would usually be involved.

That lead to men being much more creative, much more able to orgasm to a variety of stimulus. Thereby not conditioning themselves to only respond to a specific criteria.

Where before it was real uncommon for a man of 25 to not be able to get an erection with his gf, or be able to orgasm during sex... its becoming a more and more widespread issue (the 'porn creep' I was reffering to earlier)

I am not anti porn. I am anti excessive porn in a relationship. Especially where there are sexual dysfuntion signs, lack of interest, etc.

As for single, frequently masturbating to porn guys... its also probably a great idea for them to incorperate occasional fantasy about real human beings not just pixels on a screen, and a great idea for them to use avariety of stimulus and not let one actress, one pose, one act, one bear suit, become such a staple in their masturbation routine that they are unable to maintain sexual arrousal in a real relationship , should they ever decide to have one.