Women's Health Interactive Forums

  • If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Wife masterbates when she thinks I am sleeping

Collapse
X
Collapse
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • No, I'm not saying anything about you. My line of thinking was that maybe she is embarrassed by it or unsure how you would react about her masturbating, hence the reason for her denying it, I was thinking maybe she thought it was taboo. That's where I was getting with the question of do you masturbate in front of each other.

    Offer a helping hand in the middle of it and let us know how it goes.

    Comment


    • Originally posted by LanaBear View Post
      No, I'm not saying anything about you. My line of thinking was that maybe she is embarrassed by it or unsure how you would react about her masturbating, hence the reason for her denying it, I was thinking maybe she thought it was taboo. That's where I was getting with the question of do you masturbate in front of each other.

      Offer a helping hand in the middle of it and let us know how it goes.
      Thank you kindly for your helping hand it is most appreciated as I have no where else to turn to for this situation, also I did not edit my post well. What I meant was we DO masterbate in front of each other all the time. I understand your questioning and line of thinking. Like Lana suggested I will broach the subject once she is heavy into the act and see where it goes from there. Of course I will share with you all what the outcome is. Thanks to all again for your insight.

      Comment


      • Silently brewing is never good. Never. This is bothering you, continues to, you need to talk to her. Whether it's during the act, after the act, the next day, whatever. You KNOW she's doing it, you know she's aware of it, and if she denies it you can let her know that she doesn't have to lie to you about it.

        Sometimes I want sex, physical contact etc. Sometimes I don't. Sometimes I'm satisfied by sex with my bf, sometimes I'm not. Sometimes I want to masturbate even when I don't want to have sex with him. Sometimes I want a quick "release" without having to have 1/2 hr of sex to get him off twice. It may be selfish, but it's true.
        "Be what you're looking for."

        Comment


        • Now wait just a dern minute. Something hit me after I posted the last message. You said during a good spell, 3 times per week. If you're married with children, 3 times a week is a pretty good sex life in my opinion. So if you and your wife have sex 3 times per week, and then she wants to masturbate 1 or 2 nights per week.......that would still upset you?

          Does marriage for a woman mean no more masturbation without involving the husband? I'd also question her level of satisfaction during sex if she's masturbating afterwards.

          Now if you're talking about her doing this during a bad spell when she's not having sex with you but twice a mth, that's a bit different. Frankly, I don't know if I could lay there for hours on end listening to someone do that (Regardless of how often we were having sex). Looks like she could find a more private time and place.
          "Be what you're looking for."

          Comment


          • Originally posted by Beautiful Disaster View Post
            Now wait just a dern minute. Something hit me after I posted the last message. You said during a good spell, 3 times per week. If you're married with children, 3 times a week is a pretty good sex life in my opinion. So if you and your wife have sex 3 times per week, and then she wants to masturbate 1 or 2 nights per week.......that would still upset you?

            Does marriage for a woman mean no more masturbation without involving the husband?
            I hear you on the good spells. I don't have any problem with her doing it but next to me at night is a little rude especially if you just turned me down. She can masterbate a hundred times a week I don't care. I will share a little more, I have actually encouraged her (before I found out this trist at night) to masterbate when I am not around and tell me about it the next time we make love. I love being sexual with her, and if she has fantasies I would love to hear about them. I am all about her privacy rights as well as mine, I have never masterbated next her after she turned me down (maybe I should).
            Last edited by LanaBear; 05-05-2010, 02:56 AM. Reason: Fixed quote

            Comment


            • Her lying is a problem as well as her lack of communications. However if she needs more than you can give, she is giving you all you want and you have been giving her a lot, you should not be upset with her giving herself a release. Give her multiple orgasms for long enough and she will most likely want to sleep. If she is masturbating to control her and your sex lives, it is a problem.
              I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
              ...
              Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

              From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

              Comment


              • Okay here is an update, I again thank you all for your advice. a while ago I did what you all suggested a waited until I knew she was into her activities. I turned over and asked what was going on and explained to her what I meant. She had no idea what I was talking about claimed she was asleep and her hands were no wher near that area. A wonderfule fight ensued which was fine with me since it was a start. I just wanted to subject out there so at least it was off my chest and I could stop hiding it anymore. She cried paniced and said she was gross if she was doing it, which she claimed was in her sleep since she was not aware of it. I ensured her I was supportive in anyway I could help and said she was far from gross or anything near that, I just wanted to know why, was it something I was doing or not doing to cause this. She said no. She investigated this subject on the net and found the same thing a few of you found "Sexomnia". I do not believe she has this at all upon futher investigation. She asked that I monitor her for a while, which I did and very closely but there seemed to be a change, really no activity. That was until the past 3 weeks. I will bring up last night. I wanted to have sex she asked that we wait until tomorrow bc she was tired. I said okay. We snuggled and shut the tv off, within minutes I felt movement under the covers and promptly asked if she was okay, she said she had an itch and that she was not engaging in any actvity, I thought this was odd since I had not said anything like this since I brought it up to her many weeks ago. I simply stated that was not what I meant and rolled over and went to sleep only to be woken up minutes later to a rythmic movement underneath the sheets, this time I said nothing and waited to see if she was asleep. I really think she was, I know we all scratch ourselves in our sleep, but she scratched her nose and went right back to work. She really is inconspicuos about it but I know what I hear and feel. She turned over a few minutes later and can

                Comment


                • I have the same problem! But when I do (as suggested) touch and enjoy myself with her, she asks "what are you doing?" I tell her what is recommended but she continues to deny...WHAT DO WE DO???

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by Ryanl35 View Post
                    I simply stated that was not what I meant and rolled over and went to sleep only to be woken up minutes later to a rythmic movement underneath the sheets, this time I said nothing and waited to see if she was asleep. I really think she was, I know we all scratch ourselves in our sleep, but she scratched her nose and went right back to work. She really is inconspicuos about it but I know what I hear and feel. She turned over a few minutes later and can
                    You really think she was what? Asleep and masturbating or awake and masturbating?

                    Where do you go from here?
                    Last edited by LanaBear; 06-16-2010, 07:20 PM.

                    Comment


                    • This happened to me but not with the baggage described here. I simply started to wake up when my wife came to bed one night but kept acting like I was asleep hoping I would go back. After a minute, I felt the movements and heard the breathing and suddenly knew she was masturbating. She came very hard three times while my heart was pounding out of my chest. She went to sleep but it took me hours to calm down.
                      Summary, if you are being turned down 2-3 times per week - you are asking for it too much. Whenever one person pushes, the other resists. My guess is, if you stop asking, she will wonder what's up and it will be her who starts the asking. If you have to answer the why (you stopped pestering her for sex) - just tell her that since you noticed that she likes to masturbate for relief - you decided to give it a try yourself. Another thing you might try is next time this happens in bed, just get up and go in another room and masturbate yourself. She will wonder what's up, come out and at least will create a dialog.

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by emptypea2001 View Post
                        Summary, if you are being turned down 2-3 times per week - you are asking for it too much. Whenever one person pushes, the other resists. My guess is, if you stop asking, she will wonder what's up and it will be her who starts the asking.
                        I'm intrigued here and I'm sorry for the thread jack but.......

                        Expecting sex 2-3 times a week is unreasonable? Thats "too much"?

                        How long is it reasonable to spend, "not asking" and waiting for your partner to wonder whats up?

                        I've had this conversation with a few people and went through much the same in my old relationship. The turning down etc, not the masturbating bit.

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by emptypea2001 View Post
                          This happened to me but not with the baggage described here. I simply started to wake up when my wife came to bed one night but kept acting like I was asleep hoping I would go back. After a minute, I felt the movements and heard the breathing and suddenly knew she was masturbating. She came very hard three times while my heart was pounding out of my chest. She went to sleep but it took me hours to calm down.
                          Summary, if you are being turned down 2-3 times per week - you are asking for it too much. Whenever one person pushes, the other resists. My guess is, if you stop asking, she will wonder what's up and it will be her who starts the asking. If you have to answer the why (you stopped pestering her for sex) - just tell her that since you noticed that she likes to masturbate for relief - you decided to give it a try yourself. Another thing you might try is next time this happens in bed, just get up and go in another room and masturbate yourself. She will wonder what's up, come out and at least will create a dialog.
                          Actually, this is something that would probably work with my SO, but I just can't do it. I know he will want more sex once I stop asking for it but it's impossible of me not to. I don't know if you can do it. But going to bed every night with your SO, watching them naked or half naked during the day, fantasizing about them, how can you not ask for sex? 2-3 times is not too much, but I'd agree that when someone is turned down often then he's trying the wrong approach with this specific person.

                          Wanting sex and asking for it is not pestering, though, it's natural. Turning down repeatedly the one you claim you're in love with and find attractive, now, that's sly.

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by LanaBear View Post
                            You really think she was what? Asleep and masturbating or awake and masturbating?

                            Where do you go from here?
                            My claim is she is awake while doing it yet I really cannot tell nor do I have conrete proof. Like I have stated my problem is not the act it's the turning me down and than doing it, and if indeed she is awake while doing, than it is also the lying to me about it.
                            I would like I guess at this point to move on and just accept that this is what she does. I can actually fall asleep now with comfort knowing she is right next regardless of what she is doing. She really has made an effort sex wise that past 4 weeks or so. I am really focusing on the positives and will continue to do so, I guess I just wanted validation from others that I am not crazy for thinking that this actually happening, and also that this is not my fault.

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by emptypea2001 View Post
                              This happened to me but not with the baggage described here. I simply started to wake up when my wife came to bed one night but kept acting like I was asleep hoping I would go back. After a minute, I felt the movements and heard the breathing and suddenly knew she was masturbating. She came very hard three times while my heart was pounding out of my chest. She went to sleep but it took me hours to calm down.
                              Summary, if you are being turned down 2-3 times per week - you are asking for it too much. Whenever one person pushes, the other resists. My guess is, if you stop asking, she will wonder what's up and it will be her who starts the asking. If you have to answer the why (you stopped pestering her for sex) - just tell her that since you noticed that she likes to masturbate for relief - you decided to give it a try yourself. Another thing you might try is next time this happens in bed, just get up and go in another room and masturbate yourself. She will wonder what's up, come out and at least will create a dialog.
                              Thank you for the suggestions, I have actually tried all this, I told her many moons ago that I would need her to initiate most of the time b/c I was tired of the rejection, it worked sometimes and sometimes it didn't.

                              Comment


                              • My situation is VERY similar to yours. One thing that I have learned is that pressing the fact too much will only create "walls" between you and your wife. So, here is what I did. I told my wife that I think she masturbates in her sleep. Her response was not as emotional as your wife's, but instead, more inquisitive. So, even though I know shes awake when shes playing, I pretend like she's sleeping and then recount her activities to her in the morning. She seems to enjoy my attention and that I don't disturb her.

                                Someone in another thread suggested this to me.

                                "Most likely she has masturbated for as long as she can remember and has always gotten away with it. She may have been made to feel guilty about it when she was young and that is why she lies."

                                This sounds pretty reasonable to me. I remember how humiliated I was when I was caught as a teenager with a penthouse mag!

                                Comment

                                or

                                Womens Health orange logoGet The Newsletter

                                Receive our passionately crafted, medically reviewed articles and insights — the stuff nobody else talks about but you want to know — delivered right to your inbox.

                                Latest Activity On Our Forums

                                Collapse

                                • Reply to Female pubic hair and sexuality

                                  I think that's the bottom line! Each person/couple should do whatever feels right for them -- even if it is to please the other party, so long as it's...

                                  09-15-2020, 10:36 PM By JonnyR
                                • Reply to When to call it quits?

                                  It makes perfect sense, though. It might not be fool-proof but really if you find yourself rooting for one side over the other, that kinda tells you exactly...

                                  09-15-2020, 09:47 PM By Strega
                                • Reply to Female pubic hair and sexuality

                                  Aside from keeping a bare bikini line in the summer months, I’ve never felt pressured from a societal standpoint to keep my pubic hair a certain way....

                                  09-15-2020, 09:12 PM By Strega
                                • Reply to Letting a friendship fade away

                                  Emily D. thanks....

                                  09-14-2020, 05:13 PM By atskitty2
                                • Reply to When to call it quits?

                                  The guy my friend was dating apparently sensed her disinterest, and asked her if she'd like to continue dating. She avoided the question, and that was...

                                  09-14-2020, 05:09 PM By atskitty2

                                Latest Topics On Our Forums

                                Collapse

                                • Letting a friendship fade away

                                  Over the past few years, the tone of a friendship of mine has changed. We have a mutual friend, and last week, we finally had an honest chat about how...

                                  08-30-2020, 07:41 AM By atskitty2
                                • When to call it quits?

                                  It's sometimes difficult to know when to end a romantic relationship, and for what reasons. Dating can be a challenge, and finding someone worth investigating...

                                  08-30-2020, 07:14 AM By atskitty2
                                Working...
                                X