[Shiny]

Thanks for the overwhelming response.

Just to clarify a couple of things though, It's not so much "down there" that she thinks is dirty, its more her wetness. For example, I can touch close to her vagina and between her thighs and buttocks, but whilst we are making love, and her fluids spread around these areas my hands are 'nicely' directed away, however during sex she will stimulate me further with her hands even though I am wet from her.

And also she absolutely enjoys our regular lovemaking(as regular as possible at almost 40 with young kids!), and has never felt sex/making love was yuck. We have discussed this when touching her comes up. She says she just enjoys "ME" there(not my fingers etc) She does get plenty of pleasure through our sexual contact, which she has said, but also I can usually see it in her face. And I love that, but I often wish she would give herself the chance to enjoy other forms of stimulation as well. Her thoughts about her sexual juices hampers this though.

Massage etc certainly will do no harm, but that usually results in lovemaking as we both become very easily aroused by each others touch, even from non sexual massage.

[Maximus]

I am also highly interested in the progress of this topic, since I am on the same boat. A lot of similarities...

Once you are in love, you can't just give up, but at the same time, it's harder every time knowing that it's just the "Wham Bam" that matters so to speak

[TroubledMan]

I am also in this boat, though not quite as extreme. She doesn't let me mess around much at all before the main event. But as we get into it, she will let me explore and stimulate her more. I think a lot of women have been programmed that sex is for the man, and you aren't supposed to worry about yourself. In your case, I would definitely agree that she probably had a highly religious upbringing, since they tend to frown upon a body's natural functions. My wife too is repulsed by precome, not sure if that is fixable.

[WildChild]

Does she touch herself? Masterbate?

[pretzel]

Thanks for the overwhelming response.

Just to clarify a couple of things though, It's not so much "down there" that she thinks is dirty, its more her wetness. For example, I can touch close to her vagina and between her thighs and buttocks, but whilst we are making love, and her fluids spread around these areas my hands are 'nicely' directed away, however during sex she will stimulate me further with her hands even though I am wet from her.

And also she absolutely enjoys our regular lovemaking(as regular as possible at almost 40 with young kids!), and has never felt sex/making love was yuck. We have discussed this when touching her comes up. She says she just enjoys "ME" there(not my fingers etc) She does get plenty of pleasure through our sexual contact, which she has said, but also I can usually see it in her face. And I love that, but I often wish she would give herself the chance to enjoy other forms of stimulation as well. Her thoughts about her sexual juices hampers this though.

Massage etc certainly will do no harm, but that usually results in lovemaking as we both become very easily aroused by each others touch, even from non sexual massage.

There is a differential between foreplay and love making and it seems you wife is less interested in the former than the latter.

Realistically, just as there are different personality types, so is it that it extends to sex as well. Some people may just enjoy less of one and more of the other. Trying to change her to be something she may not be nor want to be could be more trouble than it's worth.

It could just possibly be a situation where less is more. We talk alot about compromise and middle grounds, here if intercourse is very enjoyable for you wife, but foreplay and manual stimulation isn't then maybe trying to make intercourse last a little longer may help.

[TroubledMan]

Does she touch herself? Masterbate?

I'm not certain if this is directed at me...but in my case, no she doesn't, nor has she ever according to her. If she doesn't want to, then she doesn't want to. I've suggested trying it sometime, but that's about as far as the discussion has gone.

[WildChild]

I don't like calling my vulva, "down there", sounds like talking about Australia (hi CW). Start using anatomically correct language, how about a "pet" name? Take some of the unmentionable quality out of it and that might help her start to own her body. If she is uncofortable touching herself how comfortable can she really be with anyone else doing so?

[LilahX]

I'm afraid I agree with Pretzel. If she has ingrained negative thoughts and feelings, and isn't willing to even try and talk about it or expand her horizons, there isn't much you can do. It has to come from her because SHE wants to, not because you want her too.

She obviously knows your feelings and nothing will be achieved by constantly bringing it up. You risk alienating her completely.

Not much help, sorry.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I don't like calling my vulva, "down there", sounds like talking about Australia (hi CW). Start using anatomically correct language, how about a "pet" name? Take some of the unmentionable quality out of it and that might help her start to own her body. If she is uncofortable touching herself how comfortable can she really be with anyone else doing so?

Haha WC, thanks for that, LMAO

I have to agree and we've talked, and talked, and talked about this, women and how they feel and why.

My take is that if she gets "wet" from penetration she loves the feel "you" give her, YOU... There is a connection and anything else, is "fear" of feeling tarty, ..

WC is correct, unless you can see "all" sexual acts that you are comfortable with, but will explore, seek, find, give you no inhibitions and it's OKAY to be that way, it's not tarty, it's beautiful.. Your stuck.. Because nothing you can say will change her mind.

Learning about your own body, likes, dislikes, without a man, makes you realise exactly what your capable of, exactly what you like, and blows your mind of what you can do and how it feels...

But, it's the partner that can make the difference.

"Talking about it" won't work... because it's still a fear.

Guiding her to explore her own inhibitions, see what she is, on her own... And, leave her to that, just talk about sensuality and touch and it's okay to be a woman, and don't ask her to act any of it out to you... Just see "by herself" what she's all about finally, it's sensual, sexual, horny there is more than the love she shares during intercourse and lust... It's an amazing journey on your own...

Will maybe make her explore on her own and one day, share with you...

It's opening a woman's mind to "it's okay" and it's "not" for me, but for you... being sensual is sexy in itself for you... You will walk around feeling calm, un-stressed, beautiful in yourself as I see you now...

Suggestive, but not with you involved.... plant the seed...

CW