[LanaBear]

I am kind of shocked at the whole thing... I mean, falling asleep, I can understand, like I said been there, done that. But, the next night, again, all about him and he walks up to ejaculate on you. After falling asleep the previous night, IMO, the next night you both should be raring to go and ripping each others clothes off.

I do think the job can kill sex, I think that was one of the many contributing factors to my issues a long while ago. I've learned to turn it around and these days sex is a great stress reliever for me. Jobs, exhaustion, stress, all that can kill a sex drive.

I do hope all this gets worked out for you, it's heartbreaking.

[stressed]

(Personal info deleted)

[stressed]

(Personal info deleted)

[Mes T]

I think it's possible he may have been raised with the mindset that sexually, women are supposed to serve men and not want or expect anything back. I've had very liberal, feminist boyfriends be the same way when it came to the bedroom.

This has got to stop, and I'm sure you'll agree. Once in a while we all get pleasure simply from giving, but that's not infinitely sustainable. We need to get something back to satisfy our own needs, make us feel wanted and loved, and above all appreciated as a human being and not used as a Stepford wife dummy.

I have a suggestion. Let's try to come up with exactly what needs to be said to your guy to have him really understand where you are coming from. I understand people get defensive sometimes when talking about any issues with sex. But I think if the right words are chosen (direct yet not accusing, throwing in some compliments here and there), he will have a better chance of hearing you.

[Texasred]

...which also makes me wonder how the heck can a man fall asleep with an erection...

Well, if you're tired enough, falling asleep is easy; it's just rolling over that's kinda tricky...
lol

OK, I know you think it's not funny. But his falling asleep was just a sign he was REALLY tired, not any kind of reflection on you, maybe more an indication he was a bit inconsiderate to have wanted sex when he wasn't in any kind of shape to reciprocate.

[rcoreyus]

Hi Stressed - I think you know my take on this, but I'll comment more generally here.

Even a very tired person can still have and enjoy gentle sex. I work long hours, but in many years there have only be a couple of times I was too tired to want sex. Sure there were times when I didn't want anything too energetic, but still would have enjoyed something.

Sex needs to be a balanced 2-way endeavor. If he has a fantasy of ejaculating on you in your sleep, and you don't mind - the fine. If you have a fantasy of suddenly straddling his face until he makes you orgasm - thats fine too. Sex doesn't need to be mutual every single time: a BJ for his pleasure, whatever you like for yours - nothing wrong with giving a sex "gift" to your SO. The problem is when all the gifts are one sided. When on person is always doing what the other wants.

Unfortunately in a relationship where one person wants a lot more sex than the other, this is bound to happen. The one who wants more sex is willing to do anything to get it (even if they aren't satisfied in return), the other can get away with asking for anything. These relationships continue because the person who wants more sex feels they are being in some way unreasonable - that leaving due to a bad sex life is wrong, and the other person has not reason to want things to change.

These stories make me so depressed. Here is a wonderful woman who is happy to do just about anything for her man and just wants him to reciprocate. Other posts we have men who would do anything for their women. Why can't these people get together. Why can't there be a relationship with two people who are each doing their best to please the other?

[WildChild]

Unfortunately in a relationship where one person wants a lot more sex than the other, this is bound to happen. The one who wants more sex is willing to do anything to get it (even if they aren't satisfied in return), the other can get away with asking for anything. These relationships continue because the person who wants more sex feels they are being in some way unreasonable - that leaving due to a bad sex life is wrong, and the other person has not reason to want things to change.

Sigh
You hit the nail on the head.

[pretzel]

Sigh
You hit the nail on the head.

with a sledge hammer

[stressed]

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