[silent girl]

hey guys..again..sorry,
yeah well the title says it really..i dont enjoy sex. i have met this guy and last night i went ova his and he asked me the question do i enjoy sex and ofcourse i said yes at the time but now im like.. u know i actually DONT enjoy it , i just do it cos guys like it bit i dont like it, im shy and introverted when having sex, i dont talk which know i think about it guys probly hate..
this is a problem isnt it?..i want to enjoy it..but i dont..i dont like to orgasm either cos i hate the fact that im not in controll..it scares me, im a quiet and shy person naturally but i have a feeling these things are making guys not interested
please need advice/help

[jns]

You have orgasmed from your own hands or with a guy?

[silent girl]

umm well i actually dont know, i think i have nearly orgasmed but not fully if you know what i mean..
hmm i suppose im just scared

[jns]

How old are you?

[Mes T]

Yeah first you need to learn to orgasm on your own. Get a vibrator, a hot romance novel, whatever you think might get you there.

Secondly I wonder if you're really shy about it because a) you're just not psychologically ready to be that intimate with someone, or b) you're letting the wrong type of guy into your bed.

Are you really shy in other parts of your life? How's your self esteem? If any of these areas need to be worked on, then do so, and progress there will hopefully transfer to how you handle yourself during sex.

What types of guys are you having sex with? Are they kind to you, attentive, willing to pleasure you? Do they ask you questions, does that feel okay, what would feel better, what would you like me to do?

Remember: SEX IS ABOUT BOTH PEOPLE, not just the man, or not just the woman. Both partners need to feel pleasure, satisfaction.

Don't get into a routine of being a warm blow-up doll for someone.

[silent girl]

i dont know which one it is , a or b..maybe a bit of both.
yeah im quiet shy meeting new people and with people in general..my self esteem is really low actually..hmm maybe i need to work on that.
im 21 yrs old.
well the guys that im sleeping with are rather nice at first but then they are only after one thing..hmmmm

[ruthpurple]

You're missing a lot, girl, but it's not too late for you. I have to agree with Mes_T, you need to experience orgasm on your own first, whatever you might think can get you there. This is about exploring your own body, enjoying yourself and your sexuality. Learn to love and be comfortable with your body.

I think it can also help if you reflect on the things that can arouse you, not necessarily on the physical aspect, but emotional and intellectual as well. Maybe you don't enjoy sex because it lacks connection. As you know, majority of women love to have sex because of the deeper connection it entails.

My point is connect with yourself first, there is nothing wrong with you. You just have to know what is it that you want and need from yourself and from a relationship, and soon you will find that person whom you can totally connect with in both mind, spirit and body, where you are not afraid to lose control, where surrendering will be an ultimate experience.

Goodluck!

[May2may]

I think the first thing u need to do is get comfortable w urself...an makin urself orgasm. once u do that an actually get comfortable w the concept of orgasm an get in touch w ur "inner self" literally...lol...then u will find it more comfortable w someone. u could even b directin them....which will help u feel more in control which may help u w ur issues. And if ur w the right person they will understand and try to help u w it rather than shun u for something u cant really help, if u dont want to. But bein comfortable w ur partner is also very important...asms w someone u have an emotional attachment to can make a big difference. Its all bout a comfort zone hun....find it an then go from there...and dont b afraid to voice wats goin n w u w the guy ur with...if they are worth it then they will b more than willing to see this thru...an u would b amazed w how relieved u will feel jus sharin that w ur partner...might help u release n other ways!!