[elephantcandy]

Hi, i really need some help. Basically, since the age of about 10 i have masturbated (not realising what i was doing when i was younger) by holding myself up on the kind of pole thing at the end of the stairs rails, and humping against it. this is the only way i have ever recieved any pleasure, i have never reached orgasm, but i would like to. i have a boyfriend of a year and have been faking any sense of pleasure when he fingers/licks me out because i feel too guilty to speak up about it and i dont want to be rejected. i really want to experience pleasure with him but he never has given me any, and i know its not down to him because he has had sex with other girls. what should i do?

[elephantcandy]

heeeelp

Hi, i really need some help. Basically, since the age of about 10 i have masturbated (not realising what i was doing when i was younger) by holding myself up on the kind of pole thing at the end of the stairs rails, and humping against it. this is the only way i have ever recieved any pleasure, i have never reached orgasm, but i would like to. i have a boyfriend of a year and have been faking any sense of pleasure when he fingers/licks me out because i feel too guilty to speak up about it and i dont want to be rejected. i really want to experience pleasure with him but he never has given me any, and i know its not down to him because he has had sex with other girls. what should i do?

[Guest]

Do you feel guilty because you masturbated when you were younger or that you have no pleasure with your boyfriend? What do you feel you need to "speak up about"? The guilt or the non-pleasure? Either way, try to talk to him about what pleases you and try to relax and enjoy what he does with you. Direct him to the areas where he can give you most joy.

[Mes T]

You have to learn to go all the way yourself first, before you can properly guide someone else to do it for you. Just because he has had sex with other girls doesn't mean that a) he actually learned from the experiences and b) that he can magically read your mind and deliver what your body needs.

When I was learning to masturbate, it was a little difficult because I didn't know what feeling I was ultimately going for. Feeling pleasure from grinding on something and actually achieving the "release" that comes with orgasm are two different things, after all. What did it for me was using a vibrator - it instantly brought me sensations I hadn't experienced before, and soon the orgasm just happened on its own. After that, once I knew what to look for, I was able to replicate the same effect with my fingers.

I'm saddened that you feel guilty and fear rejection because of this. Think about it the other way around - What if your boyfriend just faked orgasms for your benefit? Would that make you feel good? ;-)

[elephantcandy]

thankyou
i know its unfair ive been faking- i definitely would hate it if he did the same. but i cant really take that back now, i would never be able to ADMIT ive been faking. so what do you think i should do? how do i practice myself? i cant seem to get any pleasure when i try manually!!

[Mes T]

Hon vibrator! And lube of some sort. Wetness adds sensitivity.

[elephantcandy]

thanks!!

[Maximus]

Not sure this topic belongs here, maybe under "Sex" or "Relationships"