[PacE]

Thanks all for the replies so far!

Just to add that we've been together 14 years and have two children aged 11 and 12. There was once a time when she would snuggle up to me in bed and say "put your book down" and we'd make love. Now the four words she utters are "leave my bits alone" lol.

I try best I can to judge her mood so as not to create a bad situation and I would say we make love once a week, normally on a Saturday morning and I may try and make a pass at her perhaps once a week too. This is only when I know she's in a good and a not so tired state but after 5-10 minutes of snuggling up to her and stroking her hair and back I would perhaps then move further down and that's when the infamous "leave my bits alone" puts a stop to everything.

I have in the past spurned her actions but that too caused an issue as she thought I'd gone off her. It gets to the point that when we go to bed, I wont do anything for the fear of getting rejected, then after a few days / weeks she will mention that I've not been anywhere near her for ages! So I'm ed if I do and ed if I don't lol... I can take one rejection OK... but anymore than that in the same week and it starts to hurt like mad!

[Guest]

If as man sulks and he is getting enough sex, say for example, 3 times a week, then he has insecurities or he is being manipulative and unreasonable. If he gets rejected for asking for sex once every two/three weeks then I would say he has a point. As Wildchild says, it's about frequency and whether it is reasonable. As cuff says as well, women lose their sex interest quicker sometimes than men. A man will still want/need sex even if he''s had a sh.t day!

[Guest]

PacE-Next time she says that you haven't had made any advances say to her that you get rejected more often than not and that you aren't a mind reader. Do some women(not the ones on this website as they have same problems as us) think that men will continue time after time to ask for sex until they hit the correct time/place? And that they don't mind all the rejections in the meantime?
(Dear oh dear, been here before! )Time to gently teach the lady what it's like to feel rejection. Next time she feels like sex, politely say no. Then sit down and talk about frequency that suits you both. If she doesn't like her bits being touched, she can still consider relieving you can't she?

[sandman24]

rite of passage

Pace,

every man has gone through what ur describing in some relationship in his life. The realization that u'll eventually have is what I like to think of as rite of passage in becoming a real man.

Ladies feel free to correct me, but the realization that i'm talking of is "the hungry don't get fed". When a woman ur with can tell that u NEED her to have sex W/ u in order for u to b ok w/ her, urself, or ur relationship she will detect ur insecurity & will either stop feeling as atracted to u, or if she's mean use it against u & control u. I think that despite what they may say, a woman doesn't wanna b w/ a man she can control.

1. How old are both of u?
2. How long together?
3. did she used to initiate sex & now progressively getting worse?
4. Do u love her?
5. Does she love u?
6. would u b satisfied to deal W/ this from now on?

If u would answer these few questions, I would have a better understanding of ur situation & be able to give u better advice. In the meantime, her are my generic suggestions that, right or wrong have worked for me:

1. Stop trying to initiate sex too often or at predictable times... she may feel like that's all u want,
2. If u do attempt to initiate sex & she rejects u, don't let it show she upset u or worse yet, pout like a little girl. Instead, tell her its ok, u understand, & appreciate her telling u...then drop it & act indifferent.
3. If u do #2 consistently, and she cares for u she will b puzzled, & realize that she doesn't have the market cornered on sex & if she doesn't take care of u someone will.

4. Not if, but when she starts asking u what's wrong, or attempts to make it all better by sleeping w/ u, turn the table & tell her ur just not feeling it. This is hard but worth it. let her realize how it feels to b rejected, & also that she can't have sole control of ur sex life.

5. Demonstrate that u'd rather rub one out(sorry ladies) than have obligation/pity sex w/ her. Show her that while u want to more than anything u will not allow sex to b used like a club on u.

Lanabear/stressed,

do u agree w/ my theory? I hate playing games w/ people's emotions, & would rather b my real nice-guy, pacifist self, but have found that not only are most chicks not attracted to that, they are actually even repelled by it.

Why do women say they want a guy who's sweet, thoughtful, loving, etc., but then pass us up for a jerk who is mean to them??? I know most of us are a-holes too, but why when a girl finds a guy who thinks she hung the moon & would do anything for her, does she either mistreat him or cheat on him W/ a man- who doesn't even care for them? Why do women have to feel like they've lost me b4 they will let me be good to them?

Sorry so wordy, hope it helps!!!
Ladies, show me where I'm outta line,

Thanks in advance,

Sandman

[Guest]

A lot of truth is what you've just said. I think maturity is the key factor though for both partners. After a while you realise that the person you're with is worth the effort. But even then, you can still end up frustrated. Unfortuantely, some women do use sex as a pyschological weapon and do like to be in control of it. That's why I suggested PacE rejects her occasionally so that she knows what it feels like.

[sandman24]

I have 2 kids, one is a teeneager and one in his terrible 2's, a full time job, a jerk of an ex husband, and a great boyfriend. On any given day I have enough stress and drama to make Mother Theresa have a potty mouth. We still have a great sex life, but when I don't feel like doing it, it has nothing to do with him. And he is always very sweet about it. Now my ex husband argued with me about our sex life daily. DAILY. The more he argued the more I did not want to do it. It does suck when you are doing the best you can being everything to everybody, and your SO gets huffy because you don't have enough energy at the end of the day to bang his brains out. But becxause my bf is so gracious and patient, I want to that much more.

Rhianna,

I can understand being under stress & that making it tough to relax & get in the mood, but to me, I like to slowly get sensually relaxed w/ my SO, letting her quite my mind & focus only on us right now. She can help me unwind like noone else can...I need that from her...I realize that there are times when she is exhausted & just wants to be held or rubbed, but if that became the norm i'm afraid I'd feel neglected & want to be higher on her list of priorities...ladies, is that wrong of me??? I view sex as the purest form of communication, so that even if we're too scattered to find words we still show each other how much they mean to us. one of the things I love most about my gf is her eagerness to please me, and her sexual availability...is this gonna change??? Plz say no...even as busy as we all are, sex is one of those things we don't have time not to do.

[WildChild]

...even as busy as we all are, sex is one of those things we don't have time not to do.

Tell that to the man in my life.

[sandman24]

send me his email...lol.

Tell that to the man in my life.

Thomas,

I know what u mean about "show her how it feels" & have to admit that it has worked for me in the past, but do u really think that being spiteful & not doing something u want to do just b'c she did it to u is the best solution?

Wld chld, do u agree? I hate fighting & making others feel bad...how can a man let his woman know that she is hurting his feelings(yeah we have em) & making him insecure without continuing the vicious cycle just for spite???

[sandman24]

Stressed,

I'm glad to see that u know that rejection hurts a man's ego...if a girl propositions me, & I decline...she should b upset, b'c I like sex so it must b personal... Is that a difference b't men & women?

Pace...like some have said above, women don't flip a switch & b ready for sex as quickly as us...u have to not only appeal to her pHysically, but also must stimulate her emotions & mind....its an all day affair getting a women properly ready for sex...u gotta keep her on a slow boil all day by letting her know ur thinking of her & that she is sexy to u...

[AnnaC]

Sometimes I think I'm too tired, but my husband knows he can get me aroused anyway with a few subtle moves after I'm asleep. I can't speak for other women, but I think its a great way to wake up!