[becky'08]

ok here goes. I am 25 and havent been interested in sex. I have been like this since my son turned one or two years old. Its been like four years now! Thing is that I enjoy pleasuring myself I think its mostly bc I like the vibration and feeling that sensation. I never feel that sensation when I have intercourse. Anyway I want to see if I could get any ideas to boost my sex drive so I can feel like I want it. Also if there is any other positions I can try I am a bit over wieght and my husband is bigger then I am. When I am on top I cant stay on long how much I really want to I just stat feeling cramps in my back and thighs. My husband does most of the work and I feel bad for it. Right now sex to me is like another chorse that added to the list of "Thing to do" and I want to be able to enjoy it again. I spoke with my doctor about this as well as other problems I have been having and she did a test on me and found out that I had PCOS (Polycistic Overy Syndrom) my husbands sex drive is high and most of the time I do give it to him it is to keep him satisfied. Any suggestions?

[Mes T]

Well many women don't actually feel that much pleasure through intercourse, it often comes down to proper manual or oral stimulation. If I were you I'd stop using the vibrator and relearn to masturbate just with your fingers. Then later you can show your husband how to replicate that.

[Sassysister]

I find myself that having small kids at one time, it's exhausting. But if I don't feel it at first, once I start, I just let it go and enjoy the moments.
If my husband knows that my mind isn't into it, he'll blindfold me. That stops my mind from thinking of anything else but all the sensations that are going on.
I find that it's also a case where the less we do it, then the easier it is to not put more effort into it. The more we do it, the more I need it.

[LilahX]

When yr masturbating it's all about the physical pleasure. Sex with your husband is about so much more and you're probably too tired and your mind too occupied with other things (small kids will do that to a woman unfortunately) to be in the right mindset to want what sex is about - intimacy and making a connection as well as the physical sensations.

While I think it's fine to 'just give in' from time to time to keep him happy but you need to firstly talk to him and second make some special time for yourselves.

Tell him how you feel (not that you fell that way ALL the time) and that you will say 'no' on occasion and he's got to be ok with that. Also, each time it doesn't have to be full-on penetration. I'm sure a good head or hand job thrown in here and there will satisfy him just as much as 'the whole works'.

If you're able to either get the children minded one night a month, or fortnight or whatever or have the finances to go to a hotel for a few hours, being away from the things that take up your mind and energy will hopefully rejuvenate your libido.

I don't know how romantic your guy is but little things like sending you a msg about how he'sthinking about you or how hot he thinks you are, or how much he enjoyed your last sex session - without the pressure of it necessarily meaning he wnts more tonight - might just get your mind in the right frame of mind without the anticipation of 'oh no, I have to perform again'. Or if you could reciprocate, as long as he understands it's not a promise of things to come, just a bit of flirting.

So much about sex is about what's in your head and if you can be in a sexy frame of mind without the need to always have to put out, it might help you until your homelife isn't as demanding.

[jleigh726]

I don't have kids, so I can't relate to that and the consequences on your libido. But ,if you love the vibration, maybe you could use the bullet vibrator next time you have sex. It's a tiny vibrator that is made to use during sex because it is easy to use in any position. I have wonderful orgasms with it with my fiance and he really loves that I'm so pleased. As for positions, what about spooning? I know my response doesn't address what's going on above the waist and that is important, but I wish you luck.

[emptypea2001]

I would go with the idea of making a special time for sex with husband. Most guys push for more sex with their wives because they have no other outlet except to masturbate and if they do, they eventually will get caught (this is from personal experience). So make a deal with your husband that the two of you will have a special time together once a week and if he feels like getting off anytime in between, you will be happy to give him a hand job or watch him masturbate. Of course, if you say that, you have to mean it and be prepared to follow through. There can't be any double standards where it is ok for you but him.

[JadedQueen]

You said you like the vibration feeling when you are masturbating... there are toys that you can use with your partner that vibrate while you are having intercourse that will give you both pleasure..... may be worth a try???