[SaharaJim]

I agree it may well be a psychological problem....but just to be on the "safe" side why not have a complete physical. Blood work can spot things like diabetis which can pop up suddenly and result in ED- an may not need medication but control of blood suger levels.

[BlissfulEnigma]

I don't really know how to suggest something like that to him, he'd be hurt.
Starting Friday I get to spend three consecutive days with him, and I'm going to do my best to make sure he feels wanted and awesome and see how it goes.

The more I think about it, the more I think that it only happens in certain occasions. When it's an awkward situation, when he's put on the spot, or when we're doing power play. Not trying to be graphic, but the last time it happened I was being dominant. He was handcuffed to the bed and blindfolded and I was kneeling over him and masturbating to drive him crazy. I know he liked it, but right after that when we attempted sex, performance was an issue. I wonder if he took it a bit too seriously, or just got uncomfortable? Should I stop the dominance games?

[Hopeless Dork]

Should I stop the dominance games?

Ask him, on a night you guys are just cuddling and being close and intimate in a non sexual way... ask him how he feels about the power play -- if he likes it, wants to try it more often, less often, etc. Just get his feedback. Ask him about his fantasies and what you do that turns him on the most. Ask him what touches, kisses, positions, give him the strongest feelings. Ask him if there is some naughty thing he secretly wishes you'd do. Just be open and honest with what you like and your fantasies and let him do the same.

You don't have to throw them all at him at once, you guys are in love... there is plenty of time to spice things up here and there with new things so save some fantasies for later and just reveal a few here and there. I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that he doesn't want that, or wants that -- gotta talk to him about it.

[BlissfulEnigma]

He's told me that he enjoys the power play, in fact it was his idea to begin with.
I just worry that it's part of what's putting him on the spot and creating the performance anxiety.

I'll just have to talk to him about it, though.

[BlissfulEnigma]

I have updates on this subject, as well as some new problems. :/

He and I have talked about it and we've pretty much come to the conclusion that it's performance anxiety.
The problem is that lately he's told me that he worries about becoming attracted to men. He says that he knows he likes women, so even if it were to happen he'd be bisexual. He also says that he really doesn't think that he has any attraction to men, aside from maybe being envious of their looks. Once he told me that this worry stemmed from his performance problems, I started to freak out a little.

Okay, he SAYS he's not attracted to men, but he also says that he worries about it. Why worry about it if you know it's not true? Do you think that maybe subconciously he is?

I honestly don't know which idea is worse, the fact that he's having this issue because he's not attracted to me, or if it's because he's not comfortable enough to be relaxed and enjoy himself.

What can I do?