[Guest]

I have a problem that's tearing my relationship with my new husband. We have only been married a few months and still have not had sex. We've been together for over a year, met through our church and both very inexperienced.

The problem is simple, he doesn't fit. we've tried and I'm starting to feel like a failure because of the arguments. I've looked on the internet for advice, I can't go to our family as we are all very religious.

I am very petite only 4' 7", he is about normal 6' 0". We have tried a few things from books and the internet, lots of foreplay. lots of extra lubrication, ky. I resorted to measuring him and me in a silly attempt to help. He's very big going by what I've read, 11.5" long and 8.5" around. And it is only 2" from top to bottom on me, and the entrance even smaller. I know it is supposed to stretch but it the head doesn't even get in.

I'm getting desperate to write on here, separation is not an option, it would cause great family shame on both side. I want it fixed. How do I go about making it fit?

[jns]

My wife is 4' 7", so that part I am familiar with. She is also fairly small. I am 6' 3", but not anywhere as well endowed as your husband, and as such do not have a problem. To get your body ready for him, or only part of him, you have to be highly sexually aroused. This means that you have to have penetrative sex after you have orgasmed, preferably several times and on the verge of another orgasm. This will cause your internal female parts to move to accommodate the extra girth and length as well as your muscles to relax. He will have to make sure he doesn't try to put in the entire length unless you feel you can accommodate it. Use positions like missionary that don't allow as deep of penetration. Some types of spooning and penetration from the back are OK if some of the tightness is caused by the butt and legs. Doggy style may never be good for you as the penetration may be too deep and cause him to hit your cervix.

[BasketCase]

Average penis size (as I recall) is about 5 inches long. So yea your husband is very large. I know that when you are arroused your vagina does expand some. Try measuring after you are aroused. And see if that makes a diference. The best advice I can give is just to keep trying. Prepare yourself for the pain mentally. Because it will hurt a bit. The first few times you achive acual penetration. The important thing is not to give up or be discouraged. This problem is not your fault or his fault. I'm sorry I don't have all the answers. But I am sure someone on here will.

[WildChild]

Arousal is critical and if you are both inexperienced this could be a problem as neither of you really knows what to do. There are women larger than you who would balk at a penis that size.
Given your religious back ground I'm unsure what materials to recommend, you might go online and check out the Welcomed Consensus. They make sexual instructional materials that are very much not porn. I find them almost too clinical but they may provide you with some good information.

I have an idea the two of you need to work on learning how to "make out", creating a level of arousal and responsiveness that can bring you both to orgasm without intercourse. Then you can progress toward intercourse.

I hate to say it but is possible that you are simply physically mismatched. As women our bodies can adapt and accomodate quite a bit but some people get the idea that because we can carry and birth a baby, we can take any size penis. That just isn't so, in pregnancy the body's chemistry alters and a host of changes occur that do not happen with sex, no matter how aroused we are. You are very petite and he is very large. Religion or not, family attitudes or not; this may very well never work sexually. You may become skilled at pleasuring each other in other ways, although I doubt that you could take him in your mouth and suspect even your hands are small to masterbate him.

You may be able to get to take the head of his penis by using a series of dildos in increasing sizes, but I would worry that if he got the head in and got too enthusiastic he could really injure you. You might talk with your doctor and perhaps with a sex therapist to see what they have to offer. But you know you can't park a school bus in a space that fits a motorcycle.

[Guest]

You may be able to get to take the head of his penis by using a series of dildos in increasing sizes

Would that work? I had thought of that, but a friend I confided in where I work said it was a bad idea. She said it had to be done with the real thing, and offered to set me up with a few friends of increasing size for a small fee. Obviously I said no, but lately I've been getting desperate enough to rethink that, lesser of two evils if it fixed me.

[ItsASecret]

Obviously I said no, but lately I've been getting desperate enough to rethink that, lesser of two evils if it fixed me.

Cheating should not even be considered, you are married and in love. It blows me away to think that your friend would even suggest that. Dildos would be a good way to go even at the start of sex because the first few minutes is when the vagina needs to relax and accomodate so if you can get the tissue even a little expanded and aroused then you will have a much better shot at trying to get your husband to fit.

[jns]

She said it had to be done with the real thing, and offered to set me up with a few friends of increasing size for a small fee. Obviously I said no, but lately I've been getting desperate enough to rethink that, lesser of two evils if it fixed me.

Bad, bad, bad idea. You need at least one less "friend". It sounds like she was procuring for boyfriends or maybe movies. No, no, no, no, no!!!!!

Your husband has waited this long, I'm sure he can wait until you are ready. Involve him in the process. Reread WildChild's post and talk to a doctor, preferably a female doctor. You are not broken and neither is your husband. Both of you will have to learn how to accommodate the other. Your husband should have known he was a jumbo in size from the time he was showering in the boy's gym. He will have to take it slow.

[FuzzyWuzzy]

Holy Cow! 8.5 inch girth? I'm not sure you measured right. If so he would have a coffee can for a penis. My husband is pretty big too and it took me a while to get used to it. I finally just had to bite my lip and go with it, and I found that after five minutes it was fine.

[LanaBear]

Holy Cow! 8.5 inch girth? I'm not sure you measured right. If so he would have a coffee can for a penis.

Girth is measured by wrapping around, not diameter. 8.5 is very possible for a very well endowed man, especially one with 11.5" length.

[jns]

If round, girth is diameter times 3.14. Diameter is girth divided by 3.14. You could use 3 instead for approximation or 22/7 if that is easier. He is a bit less than 2 3/4 inches in diameter.