[My-story]

Well i'm 21. I was dating a guy for a while until we finally decided to have intercourse. Well i'm not a virgin but this was after a long time (after couple of months) that i decided to have sex. He managed to get me aroused but i became tense when he tried to penetrate me. I have to agree i was mentally not ready for sex and i did a mistake by forcing my self to go through it. Anyhow i was in great pain during the penetration, in fact at one point i had to tell him to stop for good because i couldn't bare the pain. The next thing i knew was that i was bleeding. It was very embarrassing to be in that situation where i totally failed even b4 we did anything. The worst thing ever was to see him get dressed with the weird look on his face and i was just sitting on the bed like a kid not knowing what to do or think.
After awhile he was trying to still be nice to me and all but whenever i tried to talk about what happened he just found a way to ignore it. Well it was kind of ironic in a way for a guy who introduced him self to be a very open minded guy to act that way when i was in so much pain.

The next day i went to the doctors because i wouldn't stop bleeding. She examined me and told that i have a cut in the wrong place (just below the virginal opening) and that might have been a result of him getting the penetration wrong or position wrong at the very first go. This explained why i was in great agony afterwards.
Although i know its not entirely my fault, i still feel really ashamed and drained just when thinking what he might me thinking of me, or am i just giving my self a hard time more than i should?
Pls i need advice

[jns]

Did you use lubricant? One of the results of not getting aroused is not enough natural lubricant as well as your vagina not getting ready for penetration. He was the one that didn't observe your state, or mistook the tenseness for arousal. It sounds like he was rough, also. You should not beat yourself up over this. I see it as mostly his fault, no matter what you said to him.

[My-story]

We tried lubricant after the first go but it was too late, the cut was already made and i couldn't do anything after that. It tough on me cause this was the first time something like this happened. According to the docs its gonna take few weeks to heal and i have to go through to walk cos its that painful. I know i shouldn't be blaming my self for this, i just need to find a way to deal with this cos whether i like it or not i'm gonna bump onto him everyday since the place he's working is right next to the restaurant i'm working in, I'm just hoping he might just try to get along with me but i dunno
This only happened few days ago so the whole situation is still fresh in ma mind

[Guest]

My advice is not to approach him yet. You are the one that is hurting, literally. If he's a nice guy he'll feel guilty and awkward about this. He will approach you in the next few days if he's a caring person to see if you're ok. Don't blame him entirely, or yourself. Just be careful next time that you have sex with someone when the timing is better and you are both aroused and careful. good luck x

[stressed]

- He manipulated you to have sex with him.
- He was rough on you and caused a cut, obviously not caring whether you were aroused enough or not.
- After the cut he got dressed and didn't know how to react, instead of comforting you.
- He obviously hasn't given you a call to ask how you are doing.

The only mistake I see from your end is agreeing to have sex with him, as he obviously doesn't care that much about your feelings. Cuts happen during sex, it's not uncommon, but his behaviour was unacceptable. Don't talk to the guy, sounds like a pig to me.

[My-story]

yeah thomas, i'm just waiting to see whether he'll care enough ask me whether i'm doing alright but so far no sound. He can't avoid me for too long though cuz i know i'm gonna bump into him at our work places.

And stressed, i kindda feel that he did manipulated me and he used the fact that i liked him very much to convince me to have sex, but yeah it is partly my fault, i always trust ppl too quickly
Anyway Thanks guys for the feed backs.....

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hun, you say you dated for 2 months but how many times did you see him in that 2 months?

Sounds to me he fed you with alot of bull in order to get you into bed and I would guess that you weren't dating, at least 3 tiems a week for that period of time, rather, here and there.

Don't at all feel like it's your fault.. You waited, he baited.

If he has not bothered at all, to call you and ask how you are, then you know the answer..

If you feel you weren't ready, but he pressured you, then he did.

If you feel that you want to hold out for a while, that's your priogrative, and good for you, but ensure they see you, date you, more than once a week ie) or less.

And, ensure that their words match their actions. That's the real key.

It's not embarrasing, it's that you did the right thing and waited and he wasn't loving, caring and forced himself causing you pain..

CW

[Guest]

As the other ladies have said, it sounds like he's uncaring. But maybe you're not sure yet. At any rate, don't rush into bed with any other guy until you're more sure about him. I can say,as a guy, that I always have more respect for a lady if she makes me wait until she's ready. Having said that, my current g/f and I went to bed pretty soon and trusted each other. We were both in our 30/40's and mature enough. But that's an exception and I wouldn't recommend it generally. x

[My-story]

Hey chandler
thanks for your feed back, yes i do have a very bad gutsy feeling that I've been used in someway, but if that was his intension, then i'm glad he didn't succeed at it no matter how embarrassing it was for me. The thing is it is very impossible to separate good guys from the bad but on the other hand there is a saying that reality is always in the blind spot when a girl is really into a guy. I'm kind of hurt in a way because i always called him to check how he's doing when he had issues (something that i would do in a friendly manor, whether dating or not) and he didn't say a word to me when he clearly knew that i got hurt that day...sigh...but this is a good lesson and i'm learning

And no Thomas I'm not the girl who goes to bed with any guy or rush into any guy, i only make that move if only I really like a guy. I haven't had sex with anyone for a long time because i blv in doing it with someone special but this time my judgments were wrong and wrong timing. I'm still waiting but if he doesn't make any move i'm just gonna suck it up and move on cz there's no point of going behind emotionless guys...