[GettinThere]

a few years ago, it would mortify me for a boyfriend/partner to bring up (my) masturbation, and it was sometimes easier to lie and say i didn't do it than talk openly about it. i could never bring myself to perform oral sex. sex was pleasant, but i was never in the same room as an orgasm until i was 21 and had been having sex for 4 years. many women are quite fortunate to have always been comfortable with their sexuality, but unfortunately open communication about sex and forums like this (at least for me) were considered pretty taboo until we are older (if then), and it can often take time to remove layers of sexual guilt and repression. the good news is it goes away (at least in my case)...with time...experience...acceptance. i'm 23 and i can now at least talk about masturbation, i like giving oral sex, and i have orgasms during sex! (though not recently, hmph, but that's another post for another time.) do you know why she thinks sex is dirty? might help to ask (with no semblance of judgment!!). if she's as enlightened as you say, she would hopefully want to gain some insight into the answer herself...or she might bs you (but at least she'll be thinking about it). if the answer appears to be a long-term mindset, might be another deal-breaker...

[rhiannon34]

My daddy used to always say, "Don't buy a poodle and expect it to be a bulldog".

[Hooster]

Interesting thread. It just saddens me how badly some parents can and do screw up the entire lives of their children. Don't let it happen to your kids.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Yes, it can be parental.

It can also be, past relationships, men, boys

It can be lack of education..

It can be alot of things... in reality, and one being finding yourself, understanding sex, school doesn't teach you much education, other than condoms, protection...

Sure, our parents are different in education but what education is shown outside of our parents? And how do boys perform, in their wants when we start having sex, their perspective on how it all goes down?

CW

[cocoa]

It could also be she doesn't like the kind of sex the OP likes. Why is that so hard to accept? Maybe both of you are simply not sexually compatible. Painting this woman, who none of us know, as being too prudish or anal or whatever it is we're using to describe her is a bit unfair, don't you think? So, she doesn't want the kind of sex her partner wants . . . her prerogative. She has right to experience sex on her own terms.

[PandaPaws]

Where is the OP? How are things going? My advice would be to be patient, and work on ONE thing at a time. You are asking all kinds of things of her at once, and this is all new to her. She needs to feel comfortable, she needs to be able to trust you 100% to relax. And not just physically. You have to do all that emotional sweet stuff for her too, because that is what will make her feel more at ease with you in the bedroom too. And GO SLOW with her. Kiss her all over her body, get down by the inner thighs, and come back up. Next time, try just kissing the outside of her vaginal area, next time ask her to spread her legs and go underneath, next time get a little deeper, use a little tongue, and then increase the length of time GRADUALLY. Ask her to do the same kind of thing on YOU.
Masturbation is a whole different topic, but maybe you could buy her some toys. She might want to try them on her own, or maybe even have you use them on her if she's too embarassed to do it herself. She probably won't really be turned on by touching herself if she thinks sex is dirty, so a vibrator takes that part out of it, just purely physical - and the Hitachi Wand is SO powerful, there's really no way that can't feel at least a little enjoyable!
Do NOT focus on trying to get her to orgasm. I'm sure she would like to, and that's enough pressure in itself. Having you pressure her too is NOT going to help. Some women just can't, and as long as you're both sexually satisfied and enjoying yourselves (which yeah, you've got a long way to go yet), that shouldn't be a big issue.