[WildChild]

You need to educate yourself about anal sex. We've discussed much of this here on other threads in the past. Your list of dangers and risks are largely fictional. I suggest the book, The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women, by Violet Blue.

Some women are more readily orgasmic with anal sex, others are not. Like vaginal sex this varies woman to woman.

[Rediscovered]

Every woman is an individual with her own tastes, desires, and things that make her feel good (or not). If there is something sexual a woman doesn't like, she shouldn't do it.

But to generalize about *all* women does no one any good. And trying to shame someone into your (own) way of thinking is not going to work, either.

Anal sex, oral sex, etc., have all been around for centuries...long before the age of movies/porn.

[rcoreyus]

Long ago when my wife and I had an active sex life we had anal quite often. I suggested it the first time, but she found that she really liked it at later on and ended up wantig it more often that I did. (I didn't object, but after the novelty wore off, it didn't do anything special for me). I really doesn't feel all that different to the man (obviously it does to the woman). In some positions - for instance when she is lying face down flat on the bed (a good position to stimulate the G-spot by the way), it is possible to make a mistake. I always start gently (whatever we are doing), but is definitely possible to aim wrong. I'm not saying that some men don't pretend to make a mistake (though that is not acceptable behavior), but it is possible for it to be an honest mistake. Of course if your partner is complaining about anything during sex you should stop immediately. No, I've never been penetrated that way - I'd be happy to try, but my wife didn't want to do that.

What you say is untrue and perpetuates a myth that supports men who try this trick and float the mistake ****zz.

THERE IS NO WAY That a man cannot notice that there is a difference between the force required to enter a yielding vagina and the force to enter an anus. It takes some concerted hard pushing believe you me. And there are no soft moans but screams and pleads to STOP. MISTAKES LIKE THAT DON"T HAPPEN.

No excuses - no prevarication - truth. It's ugly but some of us have to deal with it we might as well all deal with it. A burden shared is a burden halved right.

BTW, have you ever had your anus penetrated by mistake, you seem to know so I thought I would ask, maybe there is something I don't understand about my experience, some mistaken notion that fear and pain may have put in my brain I don't know.

[rcoreyus]

Lots of people enjoy a variety of sexual activities. I don't think its easy to understand why, but as long as both partners are enjoying themselves and there is no serious physical risk, I think anything between consenting adults is fine. If partners have very different ideas of what sort of activities they enjoy, and cannot find reasonable compromises, maybe they should re-think their relationship. No one should feel coerced into a sexual activity they don't want. No one should feel coerced into staying in a relationship where they do not have an enjoyable sex life.

[Allie602]

Every woman is an individual with her own tastes, desires, and things that make her feel good (or not). If there is something sexual a woman doesn't like, she shouldn't do it.

But to generalize about *all* women does no one any good. And trying to shame someone into your (own) way of thinking is not going to work, either.

Anal sex, oral sex, etc., have all been around for centuries...long before the age of movies/porn.

I am sorry you got the impression that I am attempting to shame women, if you read any of my post here you will see that I am firmly against women being shamed especially by other women. That is a big problem and it inhibits a woman's feeling that wemen owns their sexuality and can express it anyway they want with no shame whats so ever. So, my sincere apologies.

You said that I talked about all women, it is a bad tendency of mine to assume I know everything but I am learning through these and therapy and forums like these that I don't know squat.

You have to accept that some of the people posting are sharing their prospective which may or may not be faulty. It is not a club where we people only say what everyone wants to hear. They say what they say, that's the nice thing about forums that some people are revealing inner thoughts that have probably never excessed before. Some people are looking for validation of firmly held beliefs, some people are searching for solace to get them through a hard time, some are relieving loneliness and some for answers. They are all welcomed I am sure.

I especially appreciate the men who are brave enough to post on a women forum. Thanks rcoreyus and for responding.

[Allie602]

I have to add this its the way I feel
The most important thing for me is that, although I got responses to my post, I am sure many more read it. But no one thought to write and validate my feelings. No one acknowledged that I was hurt and my feelings about what happened to me and the effect on my life was wrong and the man was disgusting. No one seemed to get into my shoes to feel what I did. No one expressed the notion that this man getting away with having a bit of fun at my expense and got away to do it to other women was a concern. Instead I got stern advice to read up on anal sex as a solution. Frankly if I never heard about anal sex again I would not be unhappy Thanks for the book suggestion though. I am sure others will find it informative.

This may be pathetic even stupid or I may be asking too much but- I think if a man wrote to me and told me that he understood how I felt, it would help enormously. If a man would acknowledge that I trusted because I had a natural desire to give and please, and not stupid and got what I deserved for not knowing the true nature of the male sex drive and lust. It would almost be like that man who hurt me thought about what he did and saw me as a human being, felt my helplessness and felt my utter disbelief that this was happening to me, that a person could actually over come simple human feelings and view me as a body part to get pleasure form and truly regretted treating me that way.

[rcoreyus]

My first post included the line " I'm not saying that men never pretend to make mistakes (which is inexcusable)". My second post said " I'm not saying that some men don't pretend to make a mistake (though that is not acceptable behavior)"

Those are both saying that what happened to you was wrong. (and I hope implied that I'm sorry you went through that).

The other parts of my posts that disagreed were that I thought you were mistaken in some of your generalizations.

I think that everyone who posted believes that any sort of forced sexual activity is wrong. So wrong that it seems redundant to even mention it.

[masterchief]

I've never understood why women want to have anal penetration, other than pleasing their partner.

It's different for guys, there is a difference in feeling and tightness. Not always better, definitely a kinky side that gets us off.

[Allie602]

I need also to add this:

I disagree with your statement that what I write "does no one any good" I think it does good on several levels - for me and perhaps women like me, it teaches us something when people like rcoreyus shares his experiences with us in response to what we write. I may come back and challenge him but, he does not seem to be threatened by what I say. He is sharing his life experience with me in an open manner, which is what I sorely need, a man's point of view.

I have avoided deep associations with men so I am somewhat deficient in this area. Reading his experiences and the experiences of other men who are open to discussion and are not put off by the things that come out of my somewhat injured stream of female consciousness, brings me out of my head. It is what I would consider a gift which is much appreciated.

Certain that I am not the only woman on the planet who has been injured in experiences with men and reacted in ways that were counterproductive. They may be reluctant to write out a fear of being censured by people who say that they should not feel the way they do. But my need is too great to let censure silence me. Moreover, the exchanges with men like roreyue is helpful to me an maybe helpful to women like me.

My style is sometimes hyperbolic because that's part of my faulty thinking I have a hard time thinking in grays about men and sex and relationships. My default thinking is all or none. My post may be provocative, but I need to say things the way they are in my head and provocative is how it comes. It is not intentionally an invitation to an argument, although to some it may seem so.

I need to express my inner thoughts just as they are to air them out in a way that will help me on my journey to healing. That is why I am here.
I have very few ways of reaching so many people with diverse experiences and opinions and info. I am in therapy but a visit once a week with one person is inadequate to make changes as rapidly as the change in some my attitudes that I have experienced here. I am very thankful for this forum and the dedication of the people who offer advice and support. I ask that you understand were I am coming from if you continue to read and challenge me, that helps more than you know and is worth some os the negative things tha people write. I think there may be women like me, who think and feel like me but cannot express it. If so, it may help the people in their lives to understand and tackle issues with them.

[Rediscovered]

Masterchief, I have oftentimes used a toy on myself anally because it feels good to me~~I promise you, it's not to please my partner at those times when I'm alone!

Women have a lot of nerve endings in that area and it can just feel awesome. Same goes for men--my sweetie loves having his prostate area stroked and rubbed. It just feels good. Nothing wrong with that! But if it doesn't feel good for you, so be it...everyone is different and that's the beauty of life.