[pureprophecy1]

I have a huge problem! I just got married in August and me and my husband are really in love. We are like best friends. We only have one really big issue. My husband likes to have sex just about every day. And if not every day 5 days a week. I have the worst sex drive in the world! for some reason I am never in the mood. It has been like this for the past few months. He has always wanted more sex than me but I just feel so bad. He thinks I dont want him but that isnt true. I dont know what to do, because we dont have any other issues, just this sex thing. I even feel like his moods change when we do not have sex. I keep telling him that maybe there is something wrong with me but he hasnt seemed to be very understanding. He keeps saying that I am not trying to please him as my husband, but I do so much for him. I dont know what to do. I feel like he isnt happy with me and it scares me. . . .

[WildChild]

Have you starting using the pill or changes types? They can really screw up your libido.

[Hopeless Dork]

I don't know, I've of the mind that sex is healthy to a relationship and that even if your vagina isn't necessarily hot for the action... you might still derrive some benefit from the bonding of being close and intimate, of giving the man you love pleasure.

I'm not saying you should always do it when you don't want to, of course not. But if he wants it every day and you want it no days, if either of you have your way then one of you will become very resentful so possibly meeting in the middle could get you guys in a position where sex isn't the headline problem in your relationship?

Also do you masturbate? Have you ever? Do you experience orgasms? Have you ever? Does he provide you with foreplay? Do you tell him what feels good? Do you feel like you are being used or do you feel like you are being made love to?

Also any depression? Mood swings? New meds? Or like WC asked... any new Birth control?

[rcoreyus]

A number of women have described not wanting sex - but at the same time enjoying it when it happens. Does this apply to you? HD is right - sex is really important to a relationship, and someone who is turned down will get resentful. OTOH, you don't want to make it a chore - that would be even worse. Is he willing to do things you like in bed?

[pureprophecy1]

To answer some questions:

-I have been on the pill for the past 6 months.
-Yes i do enjoy sex when we do it. I have never had an orgasm while having sex unless i use a vibrator with my husband
-i have masterbated
-there are times when i feel like i want sex but i guess just not as much as him. i do it even when im not in the mood but sometimes its uncomfortable, thas all.

Thanks for all of the advice. i love my husband and i dont want him to be upset with me. he is like my best friend so i dont like seeing him upset especially if its something i am causeing. but i dont know why i dont desire sex that much. sometimes i just want to snuggle up or something with no sex but thats not enough for him.

[Mes T]

I see two red flags right there: 1) You've recently gone on the pill and 2) you don't orgasm unless you use a vibrator.

The pill can severely lower a woman's sex drive. It might be worth looking into some non-hormonal methods for you!

Also, look at it like this: Your husband orgasms EVERY time (I assume!) when you have sex. EVERY TIME. But you, not always. So clearly for you the benefits to having sex aren't as great as they are for him. If the situation were reversed, and you had an orgasm every time, but your husband did only sometimes, how long do you think he'd put up with having sex when it's just you having all the fun?

I think you gotta a) consider going off the pill and b) learn to orgasm on your own, with your fingers, and then teach your husband to do that for you each time.

[rcoreyus]

Are there things he could do that would make you enjoy it more?

[pureprophecy1]

i dont know. i feel like there is something wrong with me. i only had sex a few times before i met him and i never had an orgasm until i met him. he was the nly person willing to use toys and stuff. but i just feel like im all skrewed up or something because i am not that into sex. everyone else in the world seems to love it and i just dont see the reason why. who knows. i have even looked into seeing a sex therapist. . . .

[BigDaddy]

Perhaps I'm not feeling overly sympathetic this morning, but I can say is, fix it, fix it now.

You have to find a happy medium between his sex drive and yours, and if yours is zero you MUST do something to get interested. Regardless of how understanding he is, this will drive a wedge between you.

[jns]

i dont know. i feel like there is something wrong with me. i only had sex a few times before i met him and i never had an orgasm until i met him. he was the nly person willing to use toys and stuff. but i just feel like im all skrewed up or something because i am not that into sex. everyone else in the world seems to love it and i just dont see the reason why. who knows. i have even looked into seeing a sex therapist. . . .

How is your self esteem about other things? Maybe your libido is low because you think of yourself as not worthy. It hit just before marriage, because that is when you realized that he loved you so much that he would actually get married with you.