[herbie]

These type of phrases are starting to irritate me a bit i keep reading comments to different threads how women will write its always about his needs and so on im not trying to be a smart *** here But if for you women to say its all about us we must be asking you or telling you what we want arent we?Isn,t that what were suppose to do .otherwise how would you know ?It seems so stupid to me we tell you what we like what we want and we want it all the time. What don,t you understand?....But we also have try to guess and solve your personal orgasm SECRET MYSTERY and somehow get you to show us how to please you .Its not are fault we get off easier then you women.TELL US WHAT YOU LIKE AND WANT.that in itself turns us on WE are not GOD we didn,t create you We don,t make you guess what we like we ask and tell you IT,s simple .If i didn,t get off while making love with wife i would most certainly discuss it not run to the bedroom or were ever pull out the toys or my hand and secretly get myself off then go on line later and complain its all about him.Most of us men are all ears believe me.What do you think a man will do if you guide him along and say something like when you do this or that it really turns me on. I know i will be all over it ....We are all responsible for are own happiness thats why we tell you what we like or need so we are happy you should do the same.....then we will both be happy.......hmmm

[sourpuss]

It's not always black and white. Some men are open to talking about it. Some even ask what we want. Some get off by making us feel good. Some don't care at all if we enjoy it or not. It's not as simple as telling a man what you want all the time.

[KMonte85]

wow - there's a vent post if I ever read one.... personal sore-spot, perhaps?

it's been said about a bazillion times before, but I guess I'll say it again - sweeping generalizations do not seem to sit well with the posters here, its borderline insulting to read "ALL YOU MEN" or "ALL YOU WOMEN" and then some written vomit after..

Are you writing specifically about sexual needs? I would say, as you have, that there are many women here who have posted that their sexual needs are not being met, and their SO's are getting their fulfillment and rolling over... however, NOWHERE did I get the feeling that these women are saying its all about the men because the men are vocalizing what they want while the women aren't. True, some women seem to have trouble opening up to their lovers about what feels good to them, and that should be addressed of course. Men aren't mind readers as you have so "eloquently" put it.

HOWEVER, in my time reading these types of threads, my understanding is that the men KNOW they aren't pleasing/satisfying their partners, and they are simply choosing not to do anything about it. Many women here have had that conversation with their partners about what gets their motor running, only to find they receive the same horizontal polka that left them dissatisfied the first time. When that happens, it really does become "all about him" - when he knows what works for him, and doesn't care that it won't work for her, and continues to do whatever works to get his rocks off - how can you blame a woman for getting frustrated, coming on WH to get advice, or turn to self-stimulation? Should she not be able to receive pleasure simply because her partner is not receptive to her needs (given that she's spelled them out for him)?

[LanaBear]

wow - there's a vent post if I ever read one.... personal sore-spot, perhaps?

it's been said about a bazillion times before, but I guess I'll say it again - sweeping generalizations do not seem to sit well with the posters here, its borderline insulting to read "ALL YOU MEN" or "ALL YOU WOMEN" and then some written vomit after..

Pretty much took the words right out of my mouth.

With an attitude like that, you won't get far, at least not here.

[sourpuss]

I've been with so many partners that could not have given a rip if it felt good for me or not. I messed around with a friend of mine last year and in the middle he asked me what he wanted him to do to make me feel good and I was so shocked that I didn't know what to even say.

[herbie]

Now that i reread my own post it kind of came across wrong i should have maybe asked some questions instead.There are so many variables in each persons relationship.I was speaking from no personal problems .I think i was more saying Just tell your partner what you want .But your right maybe they have been .I should have asked before being so quick to comment .Sorry ....PS.....this kind of proves a point though if you wouldn,t have commented to my post i wouldn,t have known i screwed up Thank You im sure next time will be better I can,t wait...........Oh my i think i turned this into a positive .....Herbie

[KMonte85]

Herbie - I couldn't agree with you more on your most recent post here.

it is so true that you should just tell your partner what you like (which I realize can be tough for some, but come on - if you're mature enough to partake in sexual activity, be mature enough to be able to talk about it)..

and its unfair to label anyone as self serving when they haven't been given a chance to fix the problem.

[Texinator]

I messed around with a friend of mine last year and in the middle he asked me what he wanted him to do to make me feel good

Q: How do you turn this thing on?
A: Uh, push the power button.

[sourpuss]

totally, haha!

[WildChild]

I've been at this sex stuff for nearly 40 years and I can't count the number of men I've dealt with or friends have who, as Sourpuss said, simply didn't care. My most recent relationship, he decided that he was no longer going to kiss or engauge in any foreplay. He still wanted bjs and hjs but was completely unwilling to do anything for me other than straight intercourse, I always came but it was a shadow of what it had been . Said it had nothing to do with me, I was great kisser, wonderful woman... blah, blah, blah.

This kind of attitude is far more common than you may think. I don't know where it comes from, perhaps early on they get the idea that women don't really want sex, just fake it - who knows? They decide it doesn't mattter what they do. Then they get a woman who wants and enjoys it and they proceed to try to shut her down.

Many men are very unsafe for a woman to express her feelings and needs to. They are so sensitive and touchy about anything that could be even remotely construed as performance or techinque critism that they become angry, shut down, cut off sex. It seems there is hardly any way that a woman can say that she needs a different touch or movement or approach without creating a the least a freeze out.

Your progression in this thread exemplifies this very well; accusatory, attack, generalization, then a calm down and a different perspective - only a lot men don't get past the first part and many women are insecure enough already about their body image, men' porn use, the negative language toward women in our culture and other sexually related factors, that they just quit trying to find a voice for their own sexual needs. This combined with how many women are not self pleasuring and unskilled in articulating what they want sexually anyway, creates a sexual communication disaster and is responsible for many of the threads we get going here.