[mr.mansview]

if you are doing everything you can then it is up to him to change..but he has to want to change and it doesn't sound like he wants to..hate to say it but perhaps it is time to give him an ultimatim..you surely don't want to continue like this for much longer..good luck

[Guest]

Hmmmm ok....... well thanks!

[jns]

From all of your posts it sounds like he may be looking for things to get him aroused enough to be able to do it 5 times a day, because he is no longer excited enough from the past situations.

[Guest]

Is it something I am doing? We cut back to 1-2/day. Is there anything I can do to excite him again?

[Allie602]

This is my take I may be way off but I put it out for your consideration.

It's incredible that you are questioning yourself - you have a fiancée who is essentially using you for his pleasure. You should not try to suppress your natural feelings or to feel you should not have them. Turn it around - would you do to him what he is doing to you? Would you sleep with other men even if it hurt him? Then why would you question yourself when he is considering his pleasure over your hurt? Is this love and do you want to marry and be disregarded throughout a the relationship?

No, you are not being too anything except too vulnerable and too female in wanting to please this man who is using you. Could it be cultural on top of being female? Men can be very self centered when it comes to sex. Some can over-ride compassion and empathy. This man's love is too weak for you if indeed he does love you. He likes the sex, it's a man's dream, a woman who is compliant enough to essential put on a porn show for him and whose objections he can ignore.

Of course he is unhappy when it's just you two alone, his relationship with you seems to be based on your getting other woman for him and willingness to have sex with them in front of him and he sex with them. It's a package deal for him - and what a deal it is - you do all of the work, pimp girls for him, take the emotional hits of being disregarded and make all of the adjustments to accommodate him. I hope he is worth such sacrifice.

Your best evaluation of the health of the relationship is how a partner makes you feel. Don't listen to what he says it means nothing if not backed up by action. How do you feel? When you look into the future what do you see, you know what he sees - your continued pimping for him and whatever other plans he has to use you. If he can disregard your feelings now just wait until he has you in a place that is diff to escape - children home etc. Can you see him as a devoted family man with children and home do you think he will be able to overcome self-centeredness in the service of a family.

I of course only know the relationship from what you say but even the little you reveal seems to make the relationship very little about making you feel cherished and that's what you should feel. Many women get involved with men who are narcissist, it's a personality disorder. The man seems very attractive in the beginning stages because they are trying to draw you in. But as life progresses it is obvious that people have value in their eyes only for what they can do for them. They manipulate and take, look it up see if he fits.

Hope you take a renewed look at this and decide if you want to spend years serving this man or do you want someone to love you back. Being bi does not mean that you are wiling to invite other woman to your bed, sometimes men looking to rack op sexual experiences don't think of in the heat of thinking they lucked into a 3 some. If you are looking for a LTR don't make being bi one of the first things you say get to know if he is interested in just you not the promise of wild sex.

[Guest]

What you say makes sense. Thank you very much for your advice. I didn't think of it as pimping for him, he said he thought he hit the jackpot by finding someone bi because it was "hot." I am going to have a serious talk to him and just lay the cards out on the table. I just kind of thought he was a typical man. But, his mom and I did have a talk once and she said that it is not normal to have people joining us in bed this early in a relationship, because thats what you do when you have been married for 10yrs and need to spice up the ol'
sex life. Anyways, I am just going to talk to him when I find the nerve and see where things go. Though I have talked to him before and never fazed him, but there is always a second try!

[Allie602]

He was not fazed because he does not feel he needs to. What ever he does or says he is certain you will not leave. If that's true well don't expect anything to change. Its up to you to set boundaries for you. Why on earth would you need to work up nerve to talk to a man who loves and is concerned for you. Do you think you should sacrifice yourself so as not to annoy him. I'll ask again, what makes him so worthy? How long do you think it is going to take before you run out of energy to give. That good stock of who is giving here - he is not accustomed to giving it is probably the person he is. Accept him, serve him or move on.

Right now you are servicing him, he feels that's what he deserves from you - you work to please him and he sits giving you a pass or fail that's not love. It's almost like a slave/master relationship. What have you done to deserve that?? Except to put your self at the service of a man who does not deserve the position that you have given him. Hopefully you will realize that before you are locked into a family with this man. Then you look at him for what he is a possibly a greedy, selfish user.

He is unlikely to change for you, you are too compliant so if you plan to stay accept this very flawed undeserving man to serve or find a man who is appreciative of the giving person you are. But think about it, what you have to give is far too precious to have it trampled under the foot of a pig. and you need to set boundaries. Read a book on setting boundary in a relationship there are several good one's. You need it most of all because I think you have been socialized to give and server a man and that a recipe for much unhappiness. You meet men who take and don't give and they sap everything from you and you eventually exhaust yourself emotionally.

[Guest]

It's typical that your going to hear that this is all the mans fault and he is a user and selfish and on an on, however you put yourself in this position, you're Bi and want to have sex with other women while your in a relationship with him, you allow him to watch yourself having sex with these woman, you allow him to join in, then get jealous when he does ??

Why would you have sex with other women in front of him in the first place, what, he's just gonna sit there and eat a bowl of popcorn and enjoy the show ??
You let the kid loose in the candy shop and now you aren't happy with the results, you shoild have thought of these things before you started doing this..

The peoblem as I see it is that neither one of you has enough commitment to be in a relationship with just one person. I've had sex with other girls and enjoy it, but I'm not out actively looking for other women to bring home and have sex with, I'm comitted to my b/f. You need to make up your mind as to wheather you want to be in a relationship or just be free to have sex with other people whenever you want to..

[Allie602]

It's typical that your going to hear that this is all the mans fault and he is a user and selfish and on an on, however you put yourself in this position, you're Bi and want to have sex with other women while your in a relationship with him, you allow him to watch yourself having sex with these woman, you allow him to join in, then get jealous when he does ??

..

She said he asked her to take in other women when he she told him she was bi. She also mentioned that he thought it was hot that she was bi seemingly with the thought of what she could do for him. Does not sound like she stated having affair of her own volition but at his urging. She sounds very young inexperienced and harbor the belief that she needs to do everything so that he is not bored. Sounds like she is an inexperienced, compliant girl who thinks she has to please him to keep him and not expect anything back.

I don't think she went into the relationship looking to have others in the br but he seems to have done and manipulated her to get girls when she obviously did not want. Her fault was that she did not leave after he made his request but supplied the women at his request.

I don't think she can be blamed for causing his candy store mentality he manipulated his way into that by manipulation. She cooperated because she appears to know no better. Hopefully this is a learning experience for her and she will not get in this situation again.

This relationship is a mistake. You have allowed yourself to be manipulated and used. He got into the relationship because he saw the opportunity for the ultimate male fantasy. No this is not typical - it isn't because a woman in a committed relationship would never tolerate her man sleeping with another unless you both freely agreed to an open relationship. He appears to be planning an open relationship with you but you do not.

You say you don't want to lose him but you already have. you don't want to pimp for him, the basis of the relationship, so he is no longer interested in the relationship. He does not love you enough to give up sexual pleasure for you. Leave this before he hurts you more. Stop for a while think of what you have learned and have expectations of getting as much as you give.

Don't feel guilty or bad, you are a very giving woman there is no shame in that. Just be careful not to be manipulated to do things you don't want to do. Just because a man has a fantasy you do not have to participate, you get a lot of request to do sexual thins in a relationship for a mans pleasure if it degrading, painful, not mutually enjoyable say a firm no.

[Guest]

I like playing around with other women and my fiance loves to watch it. However, he likes to join (according to him, it is "every mans fantasy!") and it bugs me alot watching him with other women. I hate having him involved because it hurts me seeing him touch or have sex with another woman... I tried getting over it, but I can't! Am I too jealous? Am I making a big deal out of nothing? Is there a way to get over it? I heard three-somes break up alot of couples, and I really do not want that happending to us... I tried telling him how I feel and he told me he isn't going anywhere and he only see's them as a sex toy, but I cannot wrap my mind around that... It doesn't change things for me...What do I do?

Sorry I was only going by this, that made no mention of him making her do anything...