[Chrissle64]

Hi everybody! This is my first post. I was browsing the internet trying to read more about this issue I've been having with my fiance. My fiance has always enjoyed masturbating and it has always been a bit of an issue for me. We have been seperated over the past year due to military training and haven't been able to have sex. However, even before he joined the military he would masturbate everyday, sometimes even if we had sexual intercourse that day. I think he has become so used to masturbating that he struggles to have an orgasm during sex with me.

I've begun to feel that I'm not sexually attractive to him, because it takes so long for him to climax. I have tried to bring this up to him several times and challenge him to stop for a week or even to cut back hoping that it will make his sexual attraction to me go up. He gets aggravated with me when I bring it up or just flat out says "we aren't talking about this". I don't know what else to do.

I am asking for any advise on how to approach the subject with him effectively. Also, any experiences with this?

[tesoro]

Hi Chrissle64, unfortunately i do have experience with this. My ex used to masturbate every night so he could fall asleep...even after having sex. It was kind of strange to me in the beginning but then I expected it from him. A few times I asked him why he couldn't sleep without cumming and he said it was a habit that he had started as a teen. He didn't know why, he just needed to do it.

I also wondered if he struggled to have orgasm during sex because he always needed something kinky to get him going. I now believe it is some kind of sexual addiction where the man needs to cum in order to "soothe" himself to sleep. Unfortunately, he won't want to talk about it because he doesn't probably understand it himself. I think you could ask a doctor or do some research on compulsive masturbation to find out more. Sorry I don't have more encouraging advice for you.

My experience doesn't mean that yours will turn out the same....good luck.

[rcoreyus]

Have you asked if you can help when he masturbates? Maybe offer him sex as an alternative - just as a way to break the habit.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Your in a difficult spot.

Not to be with you for a year, masterbating as a release, I would suspect not just sexual tension but stress as well, it's become a habit one he can't break.

Like a smoker, tell them to give up, and they will say the same...

The problem with "only" masterbation as all you know is that, you can "feel" and climax quicker, so with sexual intercourse, it's a different feeling and often men that masterbate on-going, or the only method of sex, due to what ever reason can't climax in a woman and will actually prefer, (hopefully trying to please her first, up-most) end up wanting to climaxe, via masterbation, not inside her.

My suggestion would be, to have sex and ask him to masterbate, when you feel satisfied, understand it's a problem, for now, tell him you'd love to see him masterbate it would be a turn on.. He probably would say "what?", feel uncomfortable but enjoy being able to do what he is used to..

Slowly then ween him off it it, to cum inside you...

The meer fact that it's ok to masterbate, in front of you, will make him cum quicker and hopefully, as he gets used to sex again, it will change itself around.

CW