[zeko]

HI girls!
I am 30 years old girl who masturbating only on porn content.
I like to watch girls in explicit poses or something like that, but I am not a lesbian. Masturbating on thinking about my partner is not enough stimulating.
I love him and I don't love women on porn web sites. But they turn me on better then he (when I am alone).
There is no connection between love and masturbating.
It is very naive if you believe that you give them all what they need and all that they fantasize.

[rhiannon34]

I have learned a lot about this subject with my last relationship, which has now ended (not because of porn). It was obvious to me from the beginning of our relationship that he had watched a lot of porn, by the way we had sex. It was always kinky, crazy, just like in a porn sex. Rarely anything intimate or passionate. But I asked and he said he only ever watched it to study different positions (whatever!). Then there was the drama of him saying things during sex like "I wanna see someone do you while your doing that", I freaked and was like wtf?? But he said he didn't mean it, he meant something else. Then he was watching porn every night for a few days while I was in the tub and looking at CL ads for threesomes, and I asked, he said he was bored. NOW, that we are split up, we still talk and hang out every now and then, I checked his google history, low and behold, nothing but porn for hours. And what do ya know, it's ALL threesomes. I have decided that the porn situation is different for everyone, but for me, I would have rather not been with anyone who had watched kinky porn all their lives. Crazy, kinky porn sex is cool now and then, but if he hadn't been so into porn, I'd be willing to be we would have had a more, intimate, passionate, and fulfilling sex life, for me anyway. I just never could get used to feeling like I was a piece of meat more or less.

[lonestar]

I, too am conflicted on this issue.
I recently discovered a porn website when I casually picked up his Ipad to do some car shopping. It was boobs and vag as soon as I opened it. I haven't said anything and probably won't, but he is looking at this while I am at work or not around. It kind of sucks. I am already a pretty insecure person (mind you I have good reason and he knows why) and yeah that's my problem, but still. Shouldn't he be more mindful of my feelings? Or guys in general...

[Little_Miss_Me]

I think it's great he enjoys porn. I'd rather him look at a woman on TV than a woman in the flesh. Plus, boy oh boy, he's wonderful after I walk in catching him watching it ^_^

[chaya]

It's not really pron that has me concerned, I don't think he watches real porn. He gets "excited" when he watches sexy music videos, particularly Sahkira. On 3 occasions he got so aroused while watching her he has taken me "upstairs". Once he actually picked me up and carried me upstairs. The sex was always good, like always, and at the time I didn't think nothing about the way it was initiated. I'm not sure if I resent the way he got aroused or I'm just jealous of Shikira. She has such a shapely body and can dance so sexy, I'm skinny and could never dance like she does.

It is actually my fault he watched her in the first place. I have a large collection of music videos and he had never seen her in a video, before I played them for him. Now he asks me to play Shikira's "hips don't lie" video every time we watch videos.

Should I be concerned about him, or myself? If he continues to get aroused from videos should I make an issue of it or just enjoy the sex? We are engagued and this is my first relationship, it is only a month old. I don't know what is normal behavior of if I have a problem.

[PEN15]

My boyfriend masturbates, although don't know what it is to, but definitely not to me. I have asked him about it and he said something along the lines of "I have you in real life, and when I masturbate I can think about anyone. So why would I think of you"

It sounds offensive I guess, but I don't know. I guess I kind of know what he means.
Fantasizing isn't cheating

[CanIAskWhy?]

Men and porn

Ohhh yes i mind. I despise pornography with my life, ive ended a few relationships due to men being sexual predators and wanting every single skinny blonde fake breasted bimbo out there!! My current boyfriend and i love each other, and he gets sex once sometimes 2 or 3 times a day every single day... Yet i still find videos and pictures on his phone and computer!! What is so horribly wrong with me that he has to masturbate over an image of a fake on a screen? Or over two girls going down on each other?? I feel awful because to me masturbating over porn is cheating. Because technically it's cheating with the self. And i will reply nastily to any man who disagrees on a high level. Men do NOT need porn. Yeah sure if they havent had sex in months and are NOT in a relationship then fine. But if you truly do love a girl and respect her, dont blow it by blowing your wad over something you can never ever ever have. I would never watch porn with him because it makes me sick, and any men who suggest it make me sick as well.

[demha77]

This is so sad

As a note, we should discount for the purposes of this discussion men and women who would cheat no matter what, talking about them takes away from the topic.

This is truly a case of low self esteem in the members posting in this thread. Sex is not the same for men. What you are doing is projecting your insecurities on to a subject that has a completely different meaning to him. You say that you should be enough for him, and yet he is not cheating on you, so apparently you are enough for him. I will bet that all of you have read cook books and watched cooking shows just because the food looks so good and afterwards you are hungry.

If we relate the basic human need of hunger to sex, we can see that he hungers for sex consid
erable more than you do (by design). He is driven by this hunger to seek out things that activate that part of his brain. This is not directly related to you, in fact it can have very little to do with you. I could lust after someone who is not my wife, yet never think in a million years of ruining the best thing that has ever happened to me.

This is no different than wishing about anything that would run against the stable married life my wife wants. I can read all day about skydiving (something i did before getting married, but don’t for my wife’s sake.) This is where people make up their own personal opinions of what fare is, which causes so much trouble in relationships. In the above example, it is fare to tell my wife i want to keep doing skydiving. It is fare for her to not want me to. It is fare for me to try and convince her and ask her to join in to this activity. It is fare for her to refuse. It is fare for me to not be happy with her position on the subject. It is fair for me to leave the relationship if i feel it is important enough. It is fare for her to be upset and leave the relationship if i want to do it behind her back. We are all allowed to want what we want and to not want what others want. Hopefully maturity will prevail and you will work things out.

Men usually don't mind this; you are free to imagine whatever you want, and to ask for something you have read about. If you are watching a movie where the handsome male lead shares a drink of wine with the female lead in Paris, it is fare to tell your spouse you want to do that. You may never have thought to do that before, but now you really want to do it. I would take my wife there to fulfill her dream even if I have no desire for it. I have not lost power or face in the relationship by doing this. This also does not mean she will leave me and go there with someone else, she wants to do it with me.

Finally, by the logic of objectifying mentioned here, I should tell my wife never to read a romance novel. The men in those novels are not real and it sets unreal expectations on a relationship. As well there are sexual acts that women say come from porn and men would never think of on their own. Yet romance novels and cosmo magazines do the same to women, how can articles and stories writing by women tell you what a man is thinking or wanting. "39 ways to please him in bed" is a form of written porn for women, while pretending to be trying to "learn" something. It excites you, it’s interesting to you, and you want to read it. This forum is the same for many of you.

[ItsASecret]

"39 ways to please him in bed" is a form of written porn for women, while pretending to be trying to "learn" something.

Yes...39 ways to kiss his ear, touch his arm, touch his penis and say I love you is written "women" porn which must obviously be analogous to the "male porn" form of learning something from ramming 2 foot-long dongs inside a worn and torn vag of 'steel' while being told she is a no good dirty ho.

[Hopeless Dork]

demha... why oh why do men think that most women read romance novels.... I don't and I don't personally have any female friends that do... *shrug*

While looking at porn isn't cheating, as in the guy isn't sticking his penis in anything else but his own hand ... his desires and attention is on other women which is fine if he has a women that doesn't want his attention or doesn't have a woman at all.. but a guy that has a sexual woman in his life that craves his sexual attention and he prefers to give it elsewhere , thats not cheating in the adultury sense but its cheating the woman he's supposed to love out of the attention SHE deserves.