[CHANDLERS WISH]

Ohhh yes i mind. I despise pornography with my life, ive ended a few relationships due to men being sexual predators and wanting every single skinny blonde fake breasted bimbo out there!! My current boyfriend and i love each other, and he gets sex once sometimes 2 or 3 times a day every single day... Yet i still find videos and pictures on his phone and computer!! What is so horribly wrong with me that he has to masturbate over an image of a fake on a screen? Or over two girls going down on each other?? I feel awful because to me masturbating over porn is cheating. Because technically it's cheating with the self. And i will reply nastily to any man who disagrees on a high level. Men do NOT need porn. Yeah sure if they havent had sex in months and are NOT in a relationship then fine. But if you truly do love a girl and respect her, dont blow it by blowing your wad over something you can never ever ever have. I would never watch porn with him because it makes me sick, and any men who suggest it make me sick as well.

I read crime books HD, sexual to the hilt, etc, etc, so I agree what's with we read romance novels? I think, though the point is, is that let's face it, not alot of women, are okay with giving, okay with no inhibitions, okay with he can do oral, you can do oral, alot of women and men, have issues, with well sex.... So, people think woman want romance, pftt, adventure and intimacy, love and sex...

Anyway, CanIAskWhy, sorry, edited... Think about about it... If that's the men you've dated? Need, want more than you, can't help themselves, won't stop for you, stuck in the single life, can you change that? Or is it stuck and therefore, you've chosen the wrong men for you, for what your worth, the love you deserve...

CW

[stressed]

This is truly a case of low self esteem in the members posting in this thread.

Perhaps what's projected as low self esteem is nothing else other than the reaction of a woman who wants the body of her man to be exclusive to her and no other woman, just like her body is exclusive to him. Unless men reacting to their wives' sending nude pictures to random men also have a low self esteem. It's a point of view.

You say that you should be enough for him, and yet he is not cheating on you, so apparently you are enough for him.

Cheating is subjective. Some men, in certain parts of the world, consider that even looking at a woman is cheating. To others cheating is only physical. To others it can also be emotional.

I will bet that all of you have read cook books and watched cooking shows just because the food looks so good and afterwards you are hungry.

... and if I had the choice between having dinner with my partner or making myself a cheese sandwich then I'd definitely go for the former choice.

If we relate the basic human need of hunger to sex, we can see that he hungers for sex consid
erable more than you do (by design).

Can you suggest me a scientific source where this 'design' is mentioned? I am dying to read facts and not speculations. I promise that if I read scientific proof that men want sex more than women, either due to some gene or due to some brain cell, then I'll never post in another porn thread ever again for the rest of my life.

I could lust after someone who is not my wife, yet never think in a million years of ruining the best thing that has ever happened to me.

So you wouldn't on it act out of fear of ruining what you have, even if you believe that lusting someone else is natural. If it's natural then it shouldn't bother any human being. But somehow it does. Unless you'd feel comfortable with your wife telling you that she lusts the neighbour, fantasizes about him, masturbates to thoughts of him having sex with her, but otherwise it's alright because she's actually not going to act on these thoughts. But there's no harm done if she doesn't tell you that in your face, is there?

Men usually don't mind this; you are free to imagine whatever you want, and to ask for something you have read about. If you are watching a movie where the handsome male lead shares a drink of wine with the female lead in Paris, it is fare to tell your spouse you want to do that. You may never have thought to do that before, but now you really want to do it. I would take my wife there to fulfill her dream even if I have no desire for it. I have not lost power or face in the relationship by doing this. This also does not mean she will leave me and go there with someone else, she wants to do it with me.

So you would also be alright if your wife told you about this movie she saw, about this incredibly sexy man, with a very large penis and well-trained body who could go on for hours, that she masturbated to right after watching the movie while you were asleep. Just wondering.

Finally, there are a lot more sex scenes in crime novels than romance novels. Fact. You can't read a book today without a detailed sex scene today, as it won't sell. Also, women don't read magazines to fantasize about men, because women's magazines include a lot more women in them than even men's magazines do. Women read them to get ideas on how to improve their relationship/lifestyle/sex life, not to masturbate. When they feel like masturbating they just tend to check if their partner is available first.

[CharlesV]

Watch porn, read romance, read crime novels - all escapist entertainment. It doesn't mean you want to murder, have an affair or treat women like objects. Its fantasy entertainment.

Porn is visual because men are visual, romance is emotional because women are emotional. Crime novels are graphic violence because it tickles the fear glands.

There are lines not to cross (degrading, sick or unhealthy stuff) but in general entertainment is just that.

stressed said:
I promise that if I read scientific proof that men want sex more than women, either due to some gene or due to some brain cell, then I'll never post in another porn thread ever again for the rest of my life.

I think a brief exploration of google will reveal that statement proven conclusivley stressed. The fact that 98% of prostitutes are women sort of backs that up, not to mention go to a bar on Friday night and observe.

I can understand the girls being unhappy with porn, and why it feels like he is being unfaithful. It undercuts a lot of value and reduces your powerbase in a relationship.

Basic biology has set us up with the situation where men are programed to want a lot of sex with a lot of partners (to try spread their genes) while women are more focused on securing the means of supporting their offspring and surviving, hence their focus on "emotion" - does he love me, will he stay with me and provide for me and baby, is he a good man...

Of course modern society has changed all that, but you have to remember the underlying animal drivers to the behavior.

[ItsASecret]

The underlying biological drive is to procreate in order to spread the seed, it is not however a built in mechanism for recreation. Sex was created for procreation, that is the biological drive, not recreation, but it just so happened that sex within the human species felt really good and lead to the learned behavior of pleasure. Men may want to have sex with any woman they see because she has nice hips, giant boobs, she is as 'easy' as they come or whatever...but it is not a matter of survival to watch porn. All of the little "I like this I like that" accumulates to a general sense of want within a person, it is a learned behavior not an ingrained biological behavior to procreate. They are totally separate issues. If a man wanted to use the "but I gotta plant the seed woman" then he would be trying his hardest to make every single woman he slept with pregnant and only do so for that purpose....not to gain any 5 minutes of euphoric pleasure.

[WildChild]

Porn is visual because men are visual, romance is emotional because women are emotional. Crime novels are graphic violence because it tickles the fear glands.

Actually current research on brain activity finds that woman are just as visually aroused as men. They have have been trained out of responding. Research has also found that men are more likely to make emotionally based decisions than women - but they come up with 'logical' sounding justifications for it.

stressed said:
I promise that if I read scientific proof that men want sex more than women, either due to some gene or due to some brain cell, then I'll never post in another porn thread ever again for the rest of my life.

I think a brief exploration of google will reveal that statement proven conclusivley stressed. The fact that 98% of prostitutes are women sort of backs that up, not to mention go to a bar on Friday night and observe.

I can understand the girls being unhappy with porn, and why it feels like he is being unfaithful. It undercuts a lot of value and reduces your powerbase in a relationship.

Basic biology has set us up with the situation where men are programed to want a lot of sex with a lot of partners (to try spread their genes) while women are more focused on securing the means of supporting their offspring and surviving, hence their focus on "emotion" - does he love me, will he stay with me and provide for me and baby, is he a good man...

Of course modern society has changed all that, but you have to remember the underlying animal drivers to the behavior.

There is no evidence that women on a biological level want sex less than men do. The fact that most prostitutes are female reflects more of a series of societal/religious training and deeply engrained attitudes than it does anything biological. For a Long time women had few options to earn an income, little or no income to spend unaccounted for and little freedom of activity, that coupled with a literal death sentence in many cultures (still true in parts of the world) for engaging in non marital sex or for a pregnancy outside their marriage. Lack of a means to control fertility was a bigger issue for women. A man ca ngeta woman pregnant and never know, a woman doesn't have that lack od accountability. Prostitution became a 'fallen' woman's means of income earning but not an option for sexual fullfillment. Women who were sexually unfullfilled were just SOL.

The idea that men are "programed to want a lot of sex with a lot of partners (to try spread their genes)" is falling by the wayside. Having one shot sex does not guarantee fertilzation, full gestation or that the infant will live to maturity. There is a growing body of thought that genetically men have a reason to be 'programmed' to stick around.

Much of what we think we know about what men and women are or should be is nonsense, just mythology. A non sexual example of this is the idea that people are greedy, always looking out for number one. Recent studies and actual situations in business have found that the opposite is true and that people have a genetic predisposistion toward altruism. Where management has assumed that people will jealously guard their jobs and pay, when employees have been offered a choice between keeping their jobs and pay rate while many of their co-workers are let go or taking a cut in pay and the co-workers stay. Over and over again within companies, the workers have elected to take cuts to keep everyone working. The truth is that many things we think we know are simply not so. But socialization, laws and expectations have created illusions of truth.

[ItsASecret]

If there were a gene it would be only be considered a possible link between sex drive. It would be "those who have a higher sex drive or want to have sex with as many people as possible seem to have an increased expression of ____ gene". That is all it would be, and I am positive there are genes already identified that have this sort of pattern of extra expression. All a person would have to do is search the journal site PubMed.

[ZiiMarieBii]

I dont let my boy watch porn. it hurts my feelings when he gets off to other women. I expressed that to him, and he said he respects my feelings so he wont.. I'm so untrusting that I look through his browser history and went on his registry to erase the Inprivate browsing. Good thing Im good at computers, helps out a lot with my controlling ways.. I'm sure he finds a way too, and I always assume he does when the history is erased, but it gets erased only every few months, so he's not doing it as much as he was when I caught his 2.5 years ago..

[Stina]

My boyfriend watches porn and I watch porn. We watch it separately and together and even make our own. I do understand how it could bother some women, but I guess I was never really offended or hurt by it. I never thought my own desire to watch porn would suddenly vanish when we started dating and I didn't expect his to either. Solo masturbation to porn, in my mind, is a completely different animal than experiencing sexual intimacy with a partner. I like watching sex and am turned on by it. It doesn't mean I want my boyfriend to look like the male porn star in said porn or am turned on by him any less.

[stressed]

If there were a gene it would be only be considered a possible link between sex drive. It would be "those who have a higher sex drive or want to have sex with as many people as possible seem to have an increased expression of ____ gene". That is all it would be, and I am positive there are genes already identified that have this sort of pattern of extra expression. All a person would have to do is search the journal site PubMed.

If there were such a gene then both genders could have it. It would not only be a privilege to humans with testicles.

I strongly disagree with the notion "men are visual, women are emotional" because I only see the opposite happening in my life. And I don't believe I'm the only woman facing this out there.

[ItsASecret]

If there were such a gene then both genders could have it. It would not only be a privilege to humans with testicles.

I know and that is exactly what I was saying. People think that there can be a gene for only men causing this explosion in "gimme more s***s to see!", maybe so if you want to get technical with a gene only appearing on the Y chromosome, but it is far more likely that people who have a higher sex drive (if one can establish what a normal drive would be) share the same type of gene expressing more of its 'code' making it not limited to just the male sex.

As for visuals I have a feeling that enough stats in other studies can be found to show that men, on average, are more visual than women when it comes to sex. This does not mean that women are not visual with sex, it just means that on average men are higher.