[lonestar]

Ok, so I have an issue.
I am dating a guy 4 years older than me so he has been there done that. I have not.
I love spontaneous and different sex; I'm tired of doing the same old thing- we either do it on the couch, the bed, or occasionally the shower.

I have tried several different things- I have tried waiting for him to come home, sitting in his office chair wearing nothing but one of his ties. But he came in and started talking about his work day. After a while he casually says, "don't get me wrong, I love coming home to you naked", but never did anything. This made me even more insecure than I already am.

It seems everytime I try to seduce him in a different way, he's not into it. Like one time, I came out of the shower, wearing a loose fitting robe and sat on top of him and started kissing his neck...he just sat there!

Another scenario- We chat online during work hours, one time I was talking dirty to him about the things I was going to do to him when I got home and how I wanted him to do me on the kitchen table.
I got home and he was in his office and then started talking about his work day. This is the day where I exploded a bit- I brought up all these scenarios with a WTF attitude. He says he needs downtime after his day. But he gets all excited when I wear a new outift and asks me to wear it for him when he gets home.
If I put on a sexy outfit, I don't want to wear it around all night. It's not meant to be worn for hours at a time. It's meant to be on for 10 mins max.
I just posed a scenario to him that when he comes home I would push him up against the door and start kissing him all over blah blah blah... he says "you know I need down time"...
Please tell me- what kind of guy would turn all these situations down from his woman? These are scenarios that guys should want no? Please help me figure out what to do...

[WFO]

Goodness! I am jealous now. My wife wouldn't dare do those things to get me interested. Instead she crawls under the covers at bedtime with her best flannel gown on, which goes all the way to her toes, and makes some inviting comment. This happens when I am just about to go to sleep. A guy usually does have a bunch of work stuff on his mind when he walks in the door at the end of the day, so if he has a particularly stressful job it may be he has problems getting all that stuff out of his mind to be able to address you. If you are just dating, not married, is it possible he is not ready to get serious enough with you to make that step? I dated a girl about 30 years ago who tried lots of that stuff with me to get me to have sex with her, but I just flat was not ready to go down that road with her, or any other female, at that time. And had I been ready to go down that road with her, I would have made sure we tied the knot legally and spiritually in front of God and family in a church before I let her do that stuff. But then I wasn't letting her live with me either. If you are convinced he is serious about your long term relationship, ask yourself why you are doing all of those things to get him interested without him even giving you a ring first. I suspect you already know the answer to this. Hope this helps.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Why not put yourself on the other shoe?

Your working, it's stressful, you come home and every night, he goes straight for the kill, then and there, you know it's coming, expect it, and feel that's all he wants, when all you want is to un-wind, be held, and get work off your chest in conversation

People aren't robots I guess and if his job is stressful, he would still love seeing you look sexy, but not yet in the mood, so why not be the wife when he gets home, spontaneously, here and there, slither away later in the night and get changed and see what happens.

I vividly remember once, spending an hour, hair, makeup, jewelery and suspenders, walking out when my ex came home, for him to say " not in the mood".. WT? So I get what your saying...

Women can get in the mood all the time, men have to perform more so and unfortunately if stressed, tired, that's not going to happen as easily ..

[Drangel254]

lucky man

[Drangel254]

From Texas as well , should tell him that he's letting a good thing get away.

[JonDoe]

He is a very lucky man! You are sitting/standing/laying/kneeling naked in front of him ready, willing and able to relieve his stress, but it appears that all he wants to do is relive his stress. Wow, what I wouldn't give to be in his shoes.

Tell him to hit the gym before he comes home to relieve his stress, or leave it at the office. Otherwise, you could try to give him an hour before you pounce on him, pour him a drink and the shower for him.

[lonestar]

I mean, I don't do this everyday. We co-manage a business together, so I am just as stressed out as he is. I just find that sex is the best stress reliever and I want to make it as fun as possible instead of the same old thing... that can get old real fast. I've brought this up to him and he says maybe he does need to loosen up a little bit and for me to "go crazy"... we'll seee.
thanks for the posts.

[Guest]

Lonestar, first, don't despair. You are doing everything right and any guy would appreciate you doing this. That would certainly turn me on ! He does appreciate it because he said so. My guess is that he is very stressed at work. I remember being at a lecture by Alan Pease. He talked about the differences between men and women and it was hilarious, but very true. What he wants most of all when he comes home is his "fireside watching" This is the time that the "hunter" in the man returns from the hunt and needs to sit and watch the flames and ponder. Kind of adjust his mind. My wife, because she'd been at home all day, used to start jabbering as soon as I came through the door. She needed to talk and I needed some space/time to think. I suggest you back away a bit and give him this half hour or so when he comes home. Then go upstairs, have a bath and come down with no panties on underneath a dressing gown. Sit on him then and you might get a totally opposite reaction!!! Best of luck xx