[ultrablue]

well I don't have anyone to try it out with, when I do get an erection, if I don't touch myself, I can stay erect for a long time, off and on for hours, but it just builds up energy until without touching myself I explode (that's what it feels like) the longer I wait, the bigger the explosion.
before when I was married I used to like to help my wife get off, she had a hard time, was dry, and she always took a long time. So listening to her kept me hard, and after a long time I felt my erection would last (stay hard) after I came, it did raise my sexual energy a lot and even if I didn't last long, she liked it better than when I had sex a 1/2 hour later, could last longer, but my energy level was not as high, she said that did not feel as good even if it lasted longer.

[ultrablue]

I would like to think that I could do that too, and yes I agree it's a bit of a mental thing, but I don't know how to master it.
perhaps if I found such a girl who adored me, it might help. at least I'd feel more confidence in working on it.
and I am willing to do what I need to to "make up" for my PE,
thank you

[ultrablue]

TJP speaks for experience and makes some good points. Don't be so hasty to judge and condem yourself. Lana's questions are good too, confidence is a big factor in this. It affects both your interaction with women and sexual performance.

If you do find after a period of time having sex that PE is an actual concern, there are techniques to retrain yourself. You might look into Tantric practices to learn of one approach. Another consideration is that there are many women who have not learned to orgasm vaginally but who really appreciate a man with a skillful tongue or fingers. You have lots of options, don't write yourself off.

This is a spiral, one thing feeds another. I suggest that you start educating yourself. Get some books, The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus, One Hour Orgasm and I Love Female Orgasm, would some good starters. The better equiped you feel to pleasure a woman, the more confidence you will have in dating and that alone could make the difference for you and her. If you have a relationship that is becoming sexual and she is open to sex, she will appreciate all your efforts. Another option, depending on where you live, would be educational presentations at local adult shops. Many are starting to offer education on everything from safe sex to oral techniques to g-spot stimulation. These sex positive offerings can provide some great tips and give you an opportunity to interact with other adults who are open and talking about sex and sexual issues. This is becoming a big arena as more women and men want to ensure that both are satisfied.

Understand there are some women who simply aren't into sex at all. They have been conditioned to be nonresponsive. If you hook up with one of them they won't mind that you have PE because they reguard sex as a duty, rather than a pleasure or a need. You could have a pleasant life with one of them if you were willing to do without sex. But your issue is PE not lack of interest.

Start educating yourself and get out there and start meeting women.

As tragic as it seems to me that a woman would be conditioned to be unresponsive or somehow was not into sex that much, but how does one find such a woman?
are they cold and distant?
perhaps I'm a victim of my own desires, one girl I though was right for me liked to have sex more than anyone I'd ever even heard of before or since, (not to get too much off the subject) she was always soaking wet, and either liked to have sex a dozen times a day, or perhaps was trying to make me like her? I could never tell or resist her.
it bothered me (perhaps it was my lack of confidence, I can't be sure) that she was so unbelievably hot,
and that she had hooked up with a sailor she must have only known for a day or two, until she found out that he was already married.
If I had it to do over again... I wouldn't break up, but perhaps I was lacking in confidence from my divorce.
Still your advice about finding someone compatible, although I have no idea how?

I do like to have sex, but being alone is so awful that it's a much lower consideration. Don't they like to have sex at all?
I've never heard of conditioning as you describe, is that some sort of cultural thing?

It does make sense to marry someone suited to my limitations.

And the education part also sounds good.

and techniques to help last longer, but the most practical advice in my case is to find someone who by conditioning (I wish to learn more about this) or nature just isn't that much into it, or in other words, someone who is more compatible with me, although I don't have a clue as to how to find someone like that, not the first idea.
for some reason or another I have always found in my very limited experience three women who were on the hot end of the scale, not even middle, I don't know what that happened either.

perhaps I should change my handle to clueless

[PandaPaws]

Of course you shouldn't stay alone! Someone who truly loves you will work with you on this. Practice together often , take breaks through out so you can last longer. There are some numbing lubricants and condoms you could use, or a penis ring - it essentially cuts off some of the blood flow, so that will delay things a bit. Also, start off by pleasuring her, so that way, even if things go quicker than planned, she still got "hers."

[ultrablue]

Of course you shouldn't stay alone! Someone who truly loves you will work with you on this. Practice together often , take breaks through out so you can last longer. There are some numbing lubricants and condoms you could use, or a penis ring - it essentially cuts off some of the blood flow, so that will delay things a bit. Also, start off by pleasuring her, so that way, even if things go quicker than planned, she still got "hers."

Thank you PandaPaws for the kind words,
the most practical thing seems to be to make sure she gets off first
of course if I find someone who is willing to work with me, that would make all the difference