[rachelrose]

i've been with my boyfriend for 3 years, and he has always been the one to initiate sex, but the last 5 months or so he hasn't been interested whatsoever. i've tried everything to get him to come around (new stuff, talking about it, etc..) but nothing seems to help. I enjoy sex in the morning/night where as he likes it as soon as he gets home from work and only then if i initiate it. but during dinnertime is not when i'm feeling sexual. he is 23 and he says that his sexual prime has just passed and thats why he's not so horny, and he assures me that he is still very attracted to me, is it HIM? or ME?

[Jimbeau]

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it's him and that he's gay. No heterosexual male is past his prime at 23. Find yourself a new boyfriend unless you want to live sex free the rest of your life. He won't change.

[WildChild]

How energetic is he in general these days?
Anything else going on? Things that would cause a lot of stress?
Has he had any mood swings?
Is he taking any meds or drugs?
He is in the prime age range for testicular cancer, even if that isn't the case, there are a number of things that can cause testosterone levels to drop. He needs to be checked.

Testicular cancer does not mean that you will be able to notice anything unusual about his testicals. Cells can break away and tumor growth can occur else where such as in the chest or abdomen. Imbalances in certain amino acids can cause a man's testosterone to turn into estrogen. There are a lot of things that can happen. The only way to know is to get tested. This affect far more than his interest in sex, it can undermine his health permanently.

If nothing else, then you will both know if you are dealing with a physical issue or an emotional one.

[rachelrose]

He does work long long days (5am he leaves for work, and home by 630pm every night) he has a very physically demanding job as well, and is often falling asleep by 8pm. As for testicular cancer, he has not been checked, although he was complaining about pains and the possibility of him having a hernia, and atthat time was experiencing pain in his testicles for a few days ( but this sex issue has been going on for months, and this hernia thing was maybe a month or so ago and pain only lasted a few days). it is almost impossible to get him to see a doctor, but hopefully i can show him this and he will realize this is not healthy or narmal and is driving me INSANE!. also you asked if he is on any medication...no, but he does smoke marajuana nightly and says after he's high he's not into it, i do believe this has something to do with his laziness in the sac maybe?

[rcoreyus]

Are you able to talk to him about it? 23 is way way too young to stop having sex. (I'd suggest 93 is a better bet). Some things to think about:

Is he having "performance" problems, and feels badly about it?

Does he watch a lot of porn. (nothing wrong with porn as such, but it is a problem when it interferes with your sex life).

Does he seem to enjoy sex when you do have it?

Has sex become routine? Are there things he wants you to do that you don't want to do in bed?

Do you still have lots of other physical contact?

Has either of you had a major health or weight change?

[rachelrose]

no performance issues. He doesn't watch much porn, he doesn't have time. he does enjoy sex when we have it (which is about 2-3 times per week, and that's when i initiate it (which i HATE DOING) and he always wants me on top. nothing in bed i won't do, im lots of fun ( i thought). no major health issues but i have actually lost a significant amount of weight and am now back in my size 7 pants like when we firs met, and thats what i don't get. shouldn't he like that im fit again?

[rcoreyus]

The problem probably has nothing to do with I was just trying to see if there was some obvious cause.

Could it be you've gotten into a rut - he's found the you on top is easy and quick, but hasn't quite realised that doing the same thing over and over again can get dull, even if it is his favorite thing.

I wish I had a suggestion for you, but I don't.

[SSDS]

This is not fun. I'm sorry. I was in a relationship before where I was always the one seeming to initiate and it made me feel horrible. I do have one question. Your boyfriend is 23 and says he is past his prime and therefore not really into it. If this is true, and I have a hard time accepting that his good sex years are behind him, is he okay with it? This seems odd to me, the acceptance. I'd feel better if he was not okay with it, that instead he was stressed from a new job, or a move, or he isn't taking care of himself, or really anything that could be on his mind.

Personally, I would try to talk with him about it. Tell him that it hurts your feelings to always initiate. Ask if he is okay to be in a sexless relationship. Just try to find out where he's coming from other than, "he is past his prime".