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  • WildChild
    Banned
    • Sep 2008
    • 14142

    What you regard as sacred sex and what someone else thinks of as sacred sex may be entirely different. I know people who are monogamous and people who are polyamorous who are practitioners of Sacred Sex, that is Tantric sex. The polyamorous have love and caring for their partners and very clearly defined boundries and expectations for sex that is safe physically and emotionally but they are not monogamous. To them this type of sex is essentially a form of worship. They do not stay in or engage in relationships that are not sex positive and both emotionally and physically satisfying. They devote a good deal of effort to learning how to pleasure their partners and themselves.

    Much of what we create for ourselves in our lives rests upon the choices we make, the beliefs we adopt, our expectations and limitations we set.

    Your comment; "I hope one day I will fall in love though at the rate I'm going I'm starting to be pessimistic. Anyway, if I do fall in love I would hope I would do what Katherine Hepburn did and love the person so much that you can't leave them, even if they are a drunk, or in this case, lame in bed. "

    sounds like you are at least in part looking at abstinance as a justification for anticipated poor sexual performance. You can learn to pleasure a partner at any time in your life. But, what holds true of all the rest of your body and physical performance levels, holds true for sexual performance - use it or lose it. Much of our responses are learned. Some are learned as we grow up, if our care givers express alarm or fear or revulsion for something, we are likely to adopt that too. Other responses are the result of experience and openess. If we are open to experience then we try new tastes, textures, touches, and learn to either find delight in them or to shut them out.

    My personal belief is that spending a significant part of our lives denying our natural needs and desires is unhealthy. Sex is not only a physical joining but an emotional connection and it connects us to ourselves as well as others. It has been used as a tool for instilling guilt and controlling people by a number of belief systems. There are many ways you can give and recieve sexual pleasure without having intercourse. Learning to pleasure a woman using your caring touch or your tongue can delight her and she can bring you great pleasure as well. But you have to be open and willing to explore and communicate.

    There is really no excuse or justification for being a poor lover. Not all people are compatible,they desire different approaches and techniques, getting out in the world and interacting lets you explore and determine what you want in a compatible partner. Not doing so greatly increases the chance that you will both be disatisfied. Life is both too short and too long to spend sexually frustrated.

    Comment

    • Ashlee T.
      Veteran Member
      • Dec 2008
      • 6412

      I don't want to have sex with her. If she just wants to cuddle and kiss that's fine with me. But I doubt I will be able to resist for longer than 3 months.
      Okay, so now you DON'T want to have sex with her? You don't want to, yet you don't think you'll be able to resist for longer than 3 months? I'm sorry, but it makes no sense.

      Unlikely, just look all those people who are overweight. You think they like being fat? Here's a challenge for you, if you can resist anything, then I challenge you to go without the internet for longer than two weeks
      My work requires internet, so that challenge wouldn't work for me simply because I HAVE to work but not because I "couldn't resist". When my home comp broke, I went a month with no internet access at home and it didn't bother me a bit. Sorry. And no, it's unlikely that overweight people LIKE being overweight (at least most of them), but I don't see how that has anything to do with resistance? Are you trying to say that someone who becomes overweight from eating has no control over what they eat, because they "can't resist" ??? There are LOTS of times when I want something really bad that I know is not good for me, and resist it because of that. If I CHOSE not to resist it, I might become overweight. But my being overweight at that point would be a result of the choices I made for myself.

      Now, back to the topic. I think everyone deserves to have the kind of the love they want, the kind of love they dream of. I, personally, decided after my last relationship that I would not jump into sex with another partner. Not for religious reasons, but so that we could hopefully build a stronger foundation based on friendship, compassion, etc BEFORE we become sexually active. So, I've been dating someone now for going on 2 months and have not slept with him. We, however, REALLY enjoy each others company, make each other laugh, and are very VERY attracted to each other. We RESIST. And when we make the choice to not resist, it will be a choice, not a........"I did it not because I wanted to but because I couldn't resist it".
      "Be what you're looking for."

      Comment

      • shweedart
        Veteran Member
        • Feb 2008
        • 679

        I think you've over thought it way too much. Sex is one of the most natural things in the world...we were born to do it and we're natural breeders...we weren't however, born with a marriage certificate. Sex is instinct...and yes people may do it for the wrong reasons but I love my boyfriend and I give him my all (and I mean my all) and he does the same, In my life there isn't a stronger bond. It'd be idylic if we were to last forever (and I sincerely hope we do) but I'm not going to deny myself living in the moment for an uncertain future.


        I hope that made sense?

        Comment

        • CHANDLERS WISH
          • Mar 2008
          • 22440

          Of course I have quite a few sexual weaknesses, I've been to quite a lot of strip clubs in my day and watched a lot of porn, but I always did it, not because I wanted to, but because I couldn't resist. Thankfully I made a vow to give up full sex before I had become seriously addicted to it, so I've been able to stick to that vow, even though there is a lot of room for improvement.
          Are you frightened that you would become a sex addict?
          I hope one day I will fall in love though at the rate I'm going I'm starting to be pessimistic. Anyway, if I do fall in love I would hope I would do what Katherine Hepburn did and love the person so much that you can't leave them, even if they are a drunk, or in this case, lame in bed.

          Just look at Christopher Reeve's wife, you didn't see her divorce him after he became paralyzed.
          Maybe, the truth is, your a romantic.. I imagine your addicted to love stories as well, those beautiful old movies, and you see yourself being loved in such a way that they were loved, and crave, want that love, romantic..

          Can I ask? What type of up-bringing did you have, from your family....

          There is nothing wrong with being a romantic, wanting to love, to love back, deeply... There is nothing wrong with venturing out, exploring, finding yourself, including sexually, be it strip clubs, porn, if your a virgin it's finding... Strippers and Porn Stars, it's a job... they are human, they have feelings, they know how to love, for the most part, naturally some go down the wrong path in life, is that what you are frightened off? Going down the wrong path?

          Lame in bed... A couple will explore together, be intimate together, love together.... if your romantic as it seems you are, then you will not mis-treat the woman in bed, for your own gain, you'll give it everything you have to make it beautiful...

          Don't think that you will be addicted to just sleeping with someone, or all, that you can, if you weren't a virgin and don't think that a woman who falls in love with you will worry that she's not the first.

          If you like Christopher Reeves wife's loyalty, then you know what to look for in a lady... We are made up of a lot more than just our bodies after all aren't we? We have emotions, hearts, it's the inner person you need to look at for yourself, of yourself and that of the woman of your dreams..

          CW
          PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

          Comment

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