[Bellalla]

Yes, she is very comfortable with vaginal intercourse it just seems like she can't relax her anus.
It could be that I try and insert right after her orgasm and that is just a bad time.

Does your S/O continue to "play" with your anus to keep you relaxed after your orgasm before penetration?

Well, I don't tense up after an orgasm, but yes, he does generally do a fair amount of anal play before penetration.
He takes his time because no matter how much anal sex we have, I still need to take it slow and be warmed up properly before I can handle penetration without pain.

It's definitely a slow and careful process, but we're big into foreplay anyway, so that's not an issue.

Maybe you could give her a few minutes to "recover" from her clitoral orgasm, maybe massage her or something equally benign, and then proceed to anal penetration.

Above all, I suggest that you discuss with her exactly what she's up for trying and exactly what she wants.
None of us can do more than speculate what we might need if we were in the situation, and that's simply insufficient.

[Educate me]

It's definitely a slow and careful process, but we're big into foreplay anyway, so that's not an issue.

Maybe you could give her a few minutes to "recover" from her clitoral orgasm, maybe massage her or something equally benign, and then proceed to anal penetration.

Above all, I suggest that you discuss with her exactly what she's up for trying and exactly what she wants.
None of us can do more than speculate what we might need if we were in the situation, and that's simply insufficient.

I agree Bellalla, it is a slow and careful process and like you we enjoy a fair amount of foreplay. As we have matured together (almost 29 years) we have grown in our communication skills also, so we try and keep speculation out of the equation.

I will give her some "recovery" time while I continue to do some anal play and see if it helps out. Thanks

[Allie602]

So much of what you read about anal is all the pleasure received by those who enjoy it, which we do. I do understand that there must be a relaxed anus for there to be pleasure for you ladies. What I didn't know was if women could have anal because they like it without the need for arousal? IOW can they relax enough just by stimulation of their anus for it. My wife and I did this once. I was giving her a back rub and things went from there. I played with her rear and fingered her, and then I eventually entered her and we had sex slowly. She really enjoyed it and never had an orgasm or a desire for further sex. It is the only time that this has ever happened and obviously not the norm as this has only happened once.

It seems obvious that women have to be in the "mood" and I do enjoy getting her to that point.

Thank you for your insights.

I think anal is not as strait forward as vaginal sex because the anal muscles react to fear and anxiety, and the response is not under conscious control. So when she tells you it's not a go that is because her body is telling her so. For the recipient, the feeling varies from time to time apparently. I don't know if you can believe all of the anal-positive stuff you read. It is written by people with an agenda to promote anal sex. You also cannot use porn to judge what is normal because it is staged.

You can only use your own experience and the experience of your wife. That's all you can go by, it does not matter what any one says she is the final arbitrator. I know the operative word is to compromise in all thinks sexual but, in this instance compromise means one person has enormous pleasure and the other experiences pain. Since sex is supposed to be mutually enjoyable, then you have to do anal when you can both have fun. That means that it is only fair for you to leave it up to her as to when.

Be careful not to seem impatient or unhappy when she says it's a no go. If she senses that she may stop doing anal altogether to avoid any unpleasantness. Just a thought. Have you tried letting her do you with a dildo when she is not in the mood? I have heard it is very enjoyable for men. You also get to feel what she feels and you will understand better.