[lizzy09]

I've been asking everywhere and looking everywhere, but can't seem to find a good explaination. I'm married and have been with my husband for 4 years. When we have sex I get absolutely no pleasure from penetration! I asked a doctor a few years ago and all she said was to google orgasms, which obviously didn't help . Is there anything that you know of that can help with this problem? For once in my life I want sex to be just as good for me as it is for my husband

[Texasred]

Aside from asking the same question of another doctor, one who feels comfortable discussing this, I can say this: stick around this site and you'll get some very good advice.
Lots of it.
Pay particular attention to anything you might see posted by Chandler's List, Wild Child, Hopeless Dork, or Caterpillar.
You also might use the search function to see old posts on this topic, of which there are many.

[WildChild]

Can you orgasm from other stimulation such as your partner using his hands?

I've been trying to pin down the whole orgasm from intercourse thing so I can explain it better. I'm not able to yet. I've always orgamsed from penetration (well, there have been times I just haven't orgasmed at all but think it had more to do with where my head was than where his head was, if you know what I mean?)

The more aroused you are before hand, the more readily you will orgasm. That isn't just a matter of foreplay. Foreplay can be very, ummm, arousing but what is going on in your head can be even more so. My former lover and I had an amazing sexual connection. For me any thought of him was arousing. Thinking about him or hearing his voice on the phone would get me horny. Being in the same space, able to smell his skin, brush against him.... I didn't require any more foreplay than that (wanted it though and that is why we are no longer together - he wouldn't give). I kept myself in that state of mind, it was part of my self talk. With him I could start orgasming at the moment of penetration with no "foreplay".

Your mind really is your most powerful sex organ.

However I know it's a kind of feedback loop. The more positve sexual experiences you have, the more you expect them, therefore you get more of them and that in turn causes you expect even more positive experiences.

To start with you might try adopting the definition of orgasm used by the Welcomed Consensus, that orgasm is when your genitals feel better than the rest of your body. That's a rather limited definition but it can be a starting point and take some pressure off from expecting a big 4th of July fireworks response. You should understand that both you and your partner can orgasm multiple times but it does seem to be much easier for women since men often get confused and think that ejaculation must come with orgasm. So if you orgasm with foreplay that doesn't mean you are done, not by a long shot. Rather, that should be the warm up, with more and better to come.

Get the book One Hour Orgasm and read up on peaking. This is a technique of building up to orgasm and then lowering it down and then building up again and quieting it down again, doing this teaches you your body responses and builds your levels of response, when you really orgasm it is much more intense. When you and your partner learn this, he can peak you, over and over, get you right to edge or orgasm and then enter you and I'll bet you'll go right over the top.

A lot of it is learning to relax into your body. That doesn't mean going limp in bed. We certainly don't want anyone doing that.... but you have to be comfortable in your body and get to know it. Make it your friend, you will be living in it for this entire life experience. Coming to be comfortable being naked, being touched, touching, is important. Orgasm does require a balance between sexual tension and being able to relax and let go.

I hope this ramble is of some help.

[Bellalla]

Well, no one can really answer your questions without knowing exactly what sex is like for you, but here's what I can contribute:

I *hated* sex with my first lover. I thought it was the most dull, boring, and completely disappointing experience EVER.
I had waited until I lived with him for almost a year, and despite my teenage hormones going crazy, I held off for what felt like forever. Then when we finally *did it*...I was so incredibly sad. It was horrible. It felt like nothing. It broke my heart.

I ended up focusing on learning about sex and ultimately my own body in order to understand my own pleasure.
It ended up being necessary for me to discover my own body's sensitivities and rhythms in order to understand how a man might be able to bring me pleasure.

You haven't mentioned if you masturbate, orgasm from clitoral stimulation with your partner, or any other kind of sexual activity, so it's impossible to suggest further specific activities.

That said, I can tell you that you should have hope. Your body is capable of sexual pleasure, don't ever doubt that.
Take a deep breath, commit to your own well being, and invest the time and energy into figuring out how to experience sexual pleasure because *you can*.

Good luck, and I hope you come back and update us so that we can provide more directed advice and input, or even just an understanding ear.

[lizzy09]

I used to always get turned on and would really crave my husband, but I guess going so long with not getting anything, I don't really get turned on anymore. I don't really masterbate, I've tried but I just don't feel comfortable doing it. Lately my husband and I just don't do anything anymore, so we haven't really done the oral and foreplay as much as I'd like. I always feel very connected to him when we do it, but that doesn't help.... So basically I've never had an orgasm. When i do try and masterbate, only clitoral stimulation works, I don't feel anything when I try and rub my g-spot.

[Guest]

May I suggest, quite strongly, that you either do a search online (ISBN 0-06-053825-2) or go to one of the big box booksellers and find the first of two books written by Ian Kerner Ph.D.

To my knowledge, he has only wirtten two books, so it shouldn't be hard to find them

You want the one with FIRST in the title and a picture of a papaya and banana on the cover.

I wish I could just name the book title for you, but I don't think that this forum and its team of fabulous moderators look too highly on that type of thing.

The ISBN number 0-06-053825-2 will help you locate the exact book. If you read it and if he does too, your lives will change forever.

"With more than 8,000 nerve fibers, the clitoris has more of these than any other part of the human body"

"...as the inner two thirds of the vagina are substantially less sensitive than the outer third"

I could go on and on...

Most women think it wrong and therefore most men get it wrong.

[WildChild]

You can post the titles of books, take a look at my thread for Books on Sex (you should add these Seeker)
The titles being refered to are: She Comes First and Love in the Time of Colic. They sound like good ones.

[Allie602]

Recent research on female sexuality shows that only about 30% of women can orgasm from vag sex only. About 70% need clitoral stimulation to orgasm so you are normal. You don't need no doctor, no doctor can help you but, you can help you. You don't know anything about your body and neither does your husband. That's good news because there is an easy fix. You and your husband go on a fact finding journey for your missing orgasm. You have to explore and see what kind of stimulation makes you orgasm. It is going to take time patience and knowledge but there is a great reward at the end. There are many self help sites for woman on the internet so I am certain you will will come upon the right one for you.

Read and research information about female sexual response and orgasm. The Kinsey Institute is a good place to start for some dry info and stats. Then you and your husband can share this journey. I don't know if you are comfortable touching yourself but exploring your body will help find your hot spots. Have fun!

[njmom3]

You say you're not comfortable with masturbation -- OK, so don't call it that. Call it clitoral stimulation, or giving yourself a helping hand. Most women don't orgasm simply from vaginal penetration -- they require some kind of clitoral stimulation, whether direct or indirect. Try the spooning position -- your husband entering you from behind as you lie side by side. That leaves your clitoris free for some caressing, whether by your own hand, or your husband's. Keep trying that until you orgasm, and you then might find it easier to orgasm in other positions. It might also change your mind about masturbation, too. Your hand is your best friend.

[tinycit]

I don't get anything from penetration either, at least not from having a penis in there. I like having a finger or two in there, but nothing more than that. What does it for me is clitoral stimulation. I need lots and lots of very strong very firm clitoral stimulation. I usually use a vibrator on my clit for fifteen or twenty minutes followed by having him lick me and finger me for five or ten minutes and then more with the vibrator. Lots of dirty talk helps. Sometimes I squirt into his mouth. That really gets me going.